


Consternation

by Dragonsbain



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005), Doctor Who (Season 6B)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Family Drama, Multi, Rebirth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-14
Updated: 2012-10-19
Packaged: 2017-11-14 05:05:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 35
Words: 49,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/511620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragonsbain/pseuds/Dragonsbain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Consternation:A sudden, alarming amazement or dread that results in utter confusion; dismay. The one perfect word to describe what The Doctor, Amy and Rory experienced after River's Library expedition. </p><p>This story is a labor of love between The Eye Behind the Lens and myself.Please read and review.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

In October of 2011 I started a wonderful journey. It started with the simple question: " Would you like to work together on a story?" Nine months later I have a new friend and a beautiful story. I can not possibly explain how much I have learned and grown during this. At the age of 42, it takes a lot to make that happen.

I will be putting my coauthor's link to her page on top of her Chapters. She definitely wants to talk to all the readers of this story and answer any questions you may have. I have grown to know her as a fun-loving, courageous spirit. As you will find out she does Angst extremely well.

Please read, enjoy and share the following pages. Reviews are very encouraged.


	2. I come to you in pieces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Sunrise at the Towers needs to be scored by Clint Mansell's piece :"Together We Will Live Forever"
> 
> Trust us. It really works.
> 
> You may all recognize this chapter. It was a story unto itself. It has been modified to be the starting point to our story. Any comments or questions should be dirtected to: The eye behind the lens. Until I learn to post links, please send any comments for my co-author to me. I will pass them along.

Doctor. The title given to those who heal people, who save people. It should not be given to people like him, who couldn't, even for all his trying, save just one person. The only person who ever really, truly mattered.

So no, today he wasn't the Doctor, because today he didn't deserve the title and would probably never deserve it again. However, there was one thing left that he could be, and that was a husband.

River, his beautiful and mysterious River, had told him as she sat on that infernal device preparing to sacrifice herself, that he had taken her to the Singing Towers. No matter how much it broke his hearts to do it, that was exactly what was going to happen. He would give her that. He couldn't save her, not really. He could give her one last night together before it all ended.

So that was how he ended up outside her house, knocking on her TARDIS blue front door, with a new hair cut, a suit and a bouquet of the reddest roses in the universe. She was over joyed to see him. Standing there with that silly smile on his face. As River ran upstairs to change, his hearts cracked even more. If only she new this was the eve of her death.

Whilst River was changing, the Doctor wandered slowly around her house, their house. He was admiring for the last time all of the reminders of their beautiful, if unusual life together. There were pictures of him in blue frames on the walls, the results of River's love of photography.

Many were taken when he didn't know and according to her, captured him perfectly. There was some of him as he bounded around the console, sending them away to some new planet for another adventure. Others showed the rare occasions that he actually slowed down enough to relax.

His favorites however, were the ones of them together; beautiful images of them on stunning planets or ones of them together on the TARDIS. His eyes traveled from one to the other, swimming with unshod tears that he swore he would not let fall. Why did he have to do this? Why could the universe not just grant him this one thing! He wanted more time!

He heard her begin her decent into the living room and swiftly swiped at his eyes, hoping to disguise his utter heartbreak. River looked stunning. Her unruly curls had been left natural, just how the Doctor loved them. River wore a figure hugging black dress that left nothing to the imagination. Not like anything had to be imagined anymore though. Her heels were high, red and killer, reminding him of the first time he saw her after she died. Funny how they would also be the last things he saw her in before she died.

Pushing these thoughts away he swanned towards her, taking her hand and gently kissing it. River giggled softly, seeming much younger and much more innocent then she really was, that bad, bad girl. God did he love her though.

He led her by the hand to the TARDIS, sweeping her up into his arms and carrying her through the door when they reached it. Who said he couldn't be romantic? Settling her on the old, abused seat he typed in the coordinates and sent them off towards the last night of her life.

When they arrived, a little smoother than normal, it was a special occasion after all. The Doctor told her to stay where she was and keep her eyes closed. Long use to her loves eccentricities, she obeyed with a smile. Patiently waiting to see whatever he had for her next.

The Doctor dashed outside. After checking everything was perfect, he went inside and gently led her out. Making sure River's eyes were still closed. Just before he let her see her surprise, he stepped away and looked at her. River looked so utterly beautiful standing there with her sexiest outfit on, eyes closed and trusting him completely. It hurt him more than he could stand.

When River was finally allowed to open her eyes, the sight she was met with brought tears to them. There was a small candlelit table with wine and food laid out on it. River was looking upon the most beautiful sight she had ever seen, The Singing Towers. They were up on a hill so the view was like no other and the music flowed through the air like magic. It was the most beautiful place she had ever seen let alone been to in all of her life. And to top it all of, the love of her life was standing there with that beautifully bashful smile on his face and pulling out a chair for her to sit on.

That night was one of the best of his life, and hopefully hers as well. They talked and laughed and kissed and danced.The latter being especially surprising for River. As she was well aware he possessed the grace and dance skills of a giraffe on roller skates. In fact, she was so surprised she actually questioned whether or not he was actually the Doctor and only relaxed once he reluctantly admitted that he'd gotten dance lessons from Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire.

But all too soon the sun began to slowly creep up, illuminating the towers in a burning halo. The music in the air around them changed, almost as if it sensed the terrible thing that was to happen today. It was the most haunting, heart-breaking music he had ever heard in his long, long years and as he turned his head downwards to look at River, lying peacefully in his lap, the dam inside him finally broke and tears streamed from his eyes and fell into her golden curls.

If she ever suspected something, she didn't let it show. Instead she sat up and pulled him into the loving embrace that only she could provide. He would miss this. He would miss everything about her. Yes it had been ** the occasions where he had met her and she barely knew him, but this would be different. He would never again get to stare into the bottomless pools of her eyes, feel the tickle of her untamed hair against his cheek as her held her, kiss her impossibly soft lips.

They stayed together like that till the sun was almost fully risen; he crying and her holding him. The Doctor must have cried out year's worth of tears and when he finally stopped and their eyes met, he knew he would never be able to cry again. You needed a heart to feel, and feelings to cry. He knew that when she leaves, she would take his hearts with her.

Finally, with an off hand remark about how she did have something useful to do today, he knew that the time had come to say his goodbyes, to drop her back off at her house and send her to her death. He wanted nothing more than to warn her of what was to come, but he couldn't, not unless he wanted to tear a hole in history. And as he looked at her open, loving face he knew if he stayed here any longer, he would.

The trip in the TARDIS went far too quickly, even with him taking his time sending them off, and before he knew it they were outside her bright blue door preparing to say goodbye. In her mind this was just another short farewell until they saw each other again, but for him it was the last time he would ever see her alive. He held her close; face buried into her hair and inhaling the hypnotizing sent that was River. He kissed her, projecting all of his love and devotion into it and praying she would remember this when she met his younger self. The one who would not know her.

Feeling as though the world was caving in around him, he finally stepped away, forcing a smile onto his face as she gave him one last kiss and retreated into her house. He watched her through the window for a moment as she twirled around and laughed. He watched as she took out her diary and sat down on her sofa. He watched as she wrote the last entry she would ever make.

Tearing himself away, he turned slowly and dragged himself to the TARDIS, tearing the doors open and collapsing against them once inside. He stayed like that for a while, back against the comforting solidness of the doors, trying to get some kind of grip on himself as his hearts finally smashed into a thousand pieces and blew away with the wind.

The TARDIS sensed her pilot's distress and sent them far away, hoping to soothe him with her gentle noises and movements. But nothing would ever soothe him again. She was gone. She was never coming back.


	3. Wandering Blind

 

The TARDIS opened her doors. She wished she had the totally inappropriate human body again. It really didn't suit her but it had arms. She could push him out. She had landed in the Pond's garden. The TARDIS was at the end of her rope. Her thief was wasting away before her eyes. The Doctor had stopped talking to her two days ago.

The Doctor followed the sunlight. He made it out the doors. The TARDIS closed them behind him. Then the TARDIS made itself annoying. She flashed her light, groaned and squeaked. Where was her pretty one? He was a nurse. He could fix this.

Amy and Rory were at the kitchen table paying bills.

"What is that noise?" Rory asked.

" What noise?" Amy didn't even lift her head.

Rory lifted his head and saw the TARDIS in their garden.

"Doctor's here."

The Doctor had made it to the back door. His brain was yelling at him. He rang the doorbell.

" Come in Doctor. The door's open." Amy called out.

His feet seemed to glide over the threshold. He was numb.

_You have to tell them. Now!_  The Doctor's brain screamed.

He peeked into the kitchen. The Ponds sat riffling through paperwork. They were peaceful. He was about to shatter them. He couldn't bring any more pain. He turned to leave. Rory pulled out a chair without lifting his head.

" Right here Doctor." Rory said as he patted the seat without looking up from the bills.

The Doctor sat down and gathered whatever strength he had left. He reached into his breast pocket and pulled out a copy of the last report The Library sent out. Amy reached out and read it.

" 4022 saved. No survivors. This makes no sense. How can you save people and have no survivors?"

"River was asked to lead an expedition to figure that out. She left 4 days ago." the Doctor said as evenly as possible.

"Oh, good. When she is done we should all have dinner. Then we can all hear the story." Amy said happily.

" That's a great idea. I haven't seen my little girl in quite a while." Rory said as he sipped his tea.

_Please stop you two. This is hard enough._  The Doctor thought.

" Rory! You know she hates when you call her that." Amy said.

" I'm making up for lost time." Rory laughs. "She can deal with it. You agree with me. Right, Doctor?"

"I don't think she is showing up for dinner..." the Doctor said flatly.

"Why, what is she doing now?" Amy cut him off.

" ever again." the Doctor said quietly.

The Doctor waited a full 30 seconds for the words to sink in.

"Pardon, me Doctor. What did you just say?" Rory said.

_Just say it. There is no good way or time. They need to know. Let the grieving start._

" Amy, Rory your daughter,"  _my wife,_  " sacrificed herself so that 4022 people could live."

Amy and Rory blanched out in front of him. They both turned to look at him. He couldn't keep eye contact. He stared at the table edge.

" I won't get into details. But someone had to do it...I tried...she knocked me out...handcuffs..couldn't stop it."

" My baby is dead?" Amy slowly said.

_Answer her._

" Yes."

The Doctor kept his head down. He was numb. Relaying a fact.

" You saw her die?" Rory asked.

"Yes."

" When?" Amy asked. The Doctor could hear the tears in her voice.

"One hundred and one hours ago." This was the easiest way to explain the time line. The Doctor was in no condition to explain that, technically, River died five hours ago. He had last seen her four days and five hours ago. As far as the Doctor was concerned, she was lost to him as soon as he dropped her home.

He was going to get through this. They would get through this together. He heard Rory lightly sob. He looked up and saw their hands intertwined across the table. The Doctor raised his head and looked at his two best friends. Humans cry. It's the easiest way to flush the pain out. He looked at both of them and smiled. The next minute was a blur.  
One minute he was reaching for their hands. The next he was being slammed into the wall repeatedly.

" What do you think this is?" Rory screamed."A joke!"

"Doctor confused." was all he could get out.

"Did you think you were just going to come in here, tell us and then leave?" Amy screamed from behind Rory.

_What!_

"Or were we just an afterthought! I'm sorry did we interfere with your schedule!" Rory screamed.

_I came as soon as I could._

"Let him go Rory." Amy said.

Rory threw him to the floor. The Doctor's head was spinning. He couldn't think.

"Get out of our house!" Rory growled.

_No. I did not mean.._

"It's obvious that you didn't care at all for River. I never want to see you again!" Amy screamed.

"Rule one. Right Doc!" Rory said said mockingly.

_No! No!_

Rory picked him up and threw him across the kitchen. The Doctor landed hard in the corner facing the back door. Rory turned back to Amy and held her. They both sobbed in each others arms for a few minutes. Rory lifted his head off of Amy's shoulder. His mind told him something was very wrong. Amy felt him stiffen.

"What?" Amy sniffed.

"Quiet." Rory said.

It sounded like someone having a bad asthma attack. The breathing was labored and shallow.

_Who can't breathe?_  Rory asked himself.

Rory and Amy both turned towards the corner. The Doctor was still there turned into the corner. Rory approached him with the intent of throwing him out the back door. Rory turned him over and stopped and looked at him. Really looked. His eyes were sunken back and he was violently shaking. He couldn't draw a full breath.

"What have I done? Forgive me Doctor." Rory whispered.

"You haven't been avoiding us, you've been wandering aimlessly for four days." Amy said gently.

"The TARDIS brought him here. She couldn't help him. So we could. And we.." . Rory couldn't complete his sentence.

"He couldn't stop her.." The Doctor babbled.

" Who is he?" Amy asked.

" The old me before I crashed in your yard Pond." the Doctor could barely breathe."I regenerated..."

" She said I couldn't ..." Amy and Rory could see the Doctor's eyes glaze over.

"survive without her ..." Rory saw his body spasm.

"..and then I watched her die.." Amy and Rory didn't believe he wasn't crying. Rory picked up on Amy's thoughts.

"Amy, he is in shock. Probably hasn't eaten or drank either." Rory said."Let's get him in bed."

Rory gathered the Doctor in his arms. His face was sunken. His eyes were veiled.

"Doctor. Your safe now. We've got you." Rory whispered.

"Rory? He looks bad." Amy said.

"Amy, it will be OK. We are not going to loose...both of them. Let's get him upstairs."

Amy could see Rory barely keeping himself contained. She then grabbed the Doctor's hands.

"Doctor? Can you hear me?"

The Doctor looked at both of them and whispered:

"Yes."

Rory could feel him start to shiver. Rory grabbed him tighter as he climbed the stairs. Rory saw him curl his fists into his chest.

" Amy."

Amy turned around and saw the Doctor curl up and try to what? Fold into himself?

"We want him to cry, right?" Amy asked as she opened the bedroom door.

"Yes we do. It might pull him out of his shock." Rory said as he laid the Doctor on the bed.

Rory's medical training took over. He knew precious little about Gallifreyan physiology. He could tell that the Doctor's twin hearts were beating out of sync, just slightly. His breathing was shallow. Amy had curled around him.

"Rory he is too warm." Amy said slightly panicked.

"Doctor, please. Don't show up, tell us that River is dead, then tune out." Rory said as he pressed his head against the Doctor's.

"Peri died because I abandoned her. They had to end her life because my negligence had made it impossible for her to live." the Doctor whispered.

" Who is Peri?" Amy asked. " What is wrong with your voice, Doctor?"

"Different vocal cords my dear."

Amy backed away.

"He's possessed." Amy said. Her eyes filled with terror.

"Where are you going? " the Doctor's voice had returned to normal.

"Rory, what's going on?" Amy asked.

"I couldn't save Adric. He refused to get out of the freighter. Wanted to try to stop it crashing." Another voice change. " You know it was that freighter, not a meteor, that killed the dinosaurs. "

"Wait. What?" Amy and Rory said in unison.

" Cold. Very cold. Pond?" the Doctor said as he shivered.

" Amy, if he is as truly out of it as I think he is, then all of him is talking."

"Lux can manage without me, but you can't. She was right. She was always right." the Doctor whispered.

"What do you mean, all of him?" Amy said as she pressed a hand to his forehead.

" He regenerates. All the former Doctors are still in his head." Rory said.

" Rory he is burning up." Amy ran to the closet and grabbed a blanket.

"I'm burning up a sun just to say goodbye. Same old life. Last of the Time Lords  
And I suppose, it's my last chance to say it. Rose Tyler..." another voice. Another Doctor.

"Amy get behind him." Rory threw the blanket over both of them.

"So, when he breaks they all break?" Amy asked.

" He wouldn't do it. He wouldn't be kept in the TARDIS. I would have cared for him. The only Time Lord left in existence. I would have stopped wandering." the Doctor said.

"Don't know." Rory said closely studying the Doctor's face.

"One little bullet. Come on. Please regenerate. You've got to. It can't end like this. You and me all the things we've done. Axions. Remember the Axions? And the Daleks." Same voice as before. The Doctor lapsed into a gasping fit.

" Conquer the Earth? You poor pathetic creatures. Don't you realize before you attempt to conquer the Earth you will have to destroy all living matter." New voice.

"Do I have the right? To simply touch one wire against another and that's it the Daleks cease to exist." Another Doctor.

"He could have killed all the Daleks?" Amy asked, astounded.

"Surrender Dalek. Your forces are destroyed. Your home planet a burnt cinder circling a dead sun. Even Davros, your creator is dead. I've defeated you. You serve no purpose." New voice. Another Doctor.

"But I've met The Daleks. Rory?" Amy asked.

Rory's answer was cut off by The Doctor coughing. The Doctor's cough turned into a dry sob.

"We are the only two left. There is no one else. Regenerate!"

"Same voice as before. Rory?" Amy asked. Lost as to what to do.

"Doctor your safe. It's OK. We are here to help." Rory pulled one of the Doctor's hands to his tear stained cheek. "See?"

The Doctor was looking through him.

" It's funny. I thought if you could hear me I could hang on somehow." Their Doctor was back. "Hello Universe. Goodbye Doctor. You have to remember."

"Big Bang Two." Rory stated.

Rory could see Amy starting to cry again.

"Amy, just hold him. Your here now. Let him know."

"Doctor. It's Amy. Your safe. Rory is here to."

Rory grabbed both of his hands and tried to project his presence.

"When you wake up you'll have a Mom and Dad. I'll be a story in your head. It was the best. A daft old man who stole a magic box and ran away. I don't belong here any more. I think I'll skip the rest of the rewind. I hate repeats." their Doctor's voice cracked.

The Doctor regained his composure and actually looked at both Amy and Rory.

"I'm 1,110 years old. Of course, I have children. Listen Pond."

The Doctor lapsed into silence. He had his eyes closed and was shivering. Rory and Amy exchanged concerned looks.

"Rory, maybe this might be too much for him." Amy whispered.

"Amy, we just are along for the ride now. We just have to be here. He won't say anything that he doesn't want to. I think."

Rory was confused. The Doctor had been quiet for over a minute now. Maybe he was finished. Rory felt the Doctor squeeze his hands and look straight into his eyes.

"That's the point really. I have to really want to. To bring them back in front of my eyes. The rest of the time they sleep in my mind." The voice was foreign. Another Doctor.

"I started traveling with Susan my granddaughter."

" We have heard this voice before, Amy." Rory stated.

Amy nodded to her husband. They listened with rapt attention. Many voices, many Doctors.

"Then there was my daughter Jenny. Created from me, as a solider. Human and Hoth fighting over a terraform device. She fought it. Overcame the need to kill." their Doctor's voice cut out as a new doctor cut in.

"No more fighting. No more killing. I am the Doctor and I declare this war is over."

"Amy,Rory you should have seen it. He broke the sphere. The gasses went up and the guns came down. One of the most beautiful memories I have. Until.."

"Jenny, Jenny. Talk to me Jenny."

" Head of the humans. Jenny took the bullet meant for me." Their Doctor was narrating for the other.

"We have things to do. You and me. Your my daughter. We've only just got started. Your going to be amazing. You hear me Jenny?"

"Two hearts but she couldn't regenerate."

"She was too much like me." both Doctor's said in unison.

The Doctor curled into a ball and covered both ears with his hands.

"Stop screaming!" the Doctor yelled.

Amy looked confused.

"They are screaming. Not us." Rory explained.

"She died in my arms. Just like the Master did." their Doctor was back.

Amy hugged him tightly. Rory laid in front of him. The Doctor was swaddled with Amy, Rory and the blanket. The Doctor curled up again.

"Doctor. Just let it go. Your with family now." Rory said.

The Doctor's eyes focused on both of them.

"Family?" The Doctor was trying out the word.

"Yes. Family." Amy and Rory answered together.

The Doctor's eyes glazed over.

"Humans wither and die. Imagine watching that happen.."

"Amy" Rory brushed the Doctor's cheek and placed his damp hand on Amy's wrist.

"I hate you two." The Doctor said in a whisper.

"No you don't." Amy answered with a half smile.

The Doctor buried his head in Rory's chest and screamed. A scream born from centuries of angst and loss.

"Why does everyone always..leave! Why!" The Doctor screamed in multiple voices.

Rory and Amy could hear him break. They held him and each other till the flood tears stopped due to exhaustion. They fell asleep in each others arms. Amy woke up about midnight.

Rory was asleep and the Doctor was still shaking a bit. Amy couldn't quite tell if he was asleep or still talking to his former selves. His eyes were in REM movement and his lips were moving with no sound coming out. Amy carefully got out of the bed.

"Time to get you comfortable,Doctor." Amy whispered.

Amy gently stripped him and put him in a sweatsuit of Rory's. She was grateful that the Doctor was occupied. He hated getting fussed over and she was definitely mothering him. Amy wanted to just curl up and cry for her Melody. She would, later, but the Doctor needed her now.

Rory cracked his eyes open and smiled at Amy. Rory looked at what the Doctor was wearing.

"I just changed him out of his suit. Try to get him comfortable."

"OK."

"Let's leave him alone to sleep."

"Sounds like a plan." Rory was still mostly asleep. He stood up and walked out of the room.

"Sleep Doctor. Your safe here. Rory and I will be in our bedroom. Come in when you wake up." Amy whispered in his ear and then kissed him lightly on the forehead.

The Doctor heard Amy and Rory leave the room. He got out of bed and looked out the window. He wanted to see stars. He needed to see stars. But the sky was blocked with rain clouds. The ground was wet. It had obviously rained earlier that night.

"Wait, Amy." Rory turned on his heel and started heading for the stairs.

"Rory?"

"We better go check on The TARDIS. She is probably sick with worry."

"Good idea."

Amy and Rory went to give some comfort to the being that had sheltered the Doctor for days.

"So you miss her too." the Doctor said quietly to the sky.

The Doctor could see Amy and Rory walk up to the TARDIS. His window looked out over the Pond's garden.

"Hi TARDIS. Thank-you for bringing him here." Rory said as he patted her side.

"Thanks for taking care of him." Amy said quietly. "He is sleeping."

The Doctor watched as Amy tried her best to hug the TARDIS around a corner. Any other time this would have given him a laugh. The Doctor looked down and sighed. His TARDIS was upset. He could hear the strangled sounds coming from her. As if he needed conformation, the Doctor could hear Rory.

"Shhh. It will be ok. We will get through this together. " Rory said as he rubbed her side.

"Rory it sounds like.."

"She is Amy."

Rory put his head to the warm wood of the TARDIS. Rory had, mostly, held himself together. The grieving TARDIS pushed him over the edge. Amy watched as he sank down the TARDIS's front doors.

"I didn't get to be a father. A true proper father. River and I had just started to really bond. I..."

The rest was drowned out as Rory broke into soul wrenching sobs.

"What are we going to do, now?"

The Doctor asked the sky. He watched as Amy gathered up Rory and lead him back to the house.

" No answer? That is OK. I've got a family.." the Doctor stopped as his eyes teared up again.

The Doctor could hear Amy and Rory get back to their bedroom. The Doctor curled up in the bed and quietly let the rest of him grieve.


	4. Sadness and Sedation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: This chapter was created by The Eye behind the Lens. 
> 
> This is The Eye behind the lens: I remembered this wonderful quote which I think sums up this chapter well.
> 
> "For what other dungeon is so dark as one's own heart? What jailer so inexorable as one's own self?"

 

 

* * *

He was trapped. He was stuck in his head, a better prison than the Pandorica could have ever hoped to have been, and he couldn't escape. His hearts felt torn and broken beyond recognition and he constantly questioned his need to posses them. Surely tearing them out with his bare hands wouldn't hurt this much. His limbs felt heavy on the rare occasions he tried to move them and a thick, suppressing fog of despair smothered him, making it impossible to breathe easily.

Yet no mater how much he suffered, he knew it wasn't enough. He knew he deserved so much worse.

She was dead. Worse, he had killed her. If he had been quicker, faster, better he could have saved her! She would be here, now. With Rory the Roman and Amy, the Girl Who Waited. Oh, how he had let them down.

He had promised them he would keep her safe, he had promised her, and he had promised himself. He had sworn to himself that this was it; no one else he loved would die. He had made a solemn oath as they had lain together one night, underneath a blanket of stars on a far off world, her head on his chest. He had inhaled the sweet scent of her hair and whispered to all of time and space that this time, things would be different. This time he would keep her safe.

What a failure he had been.

Rory and Amy were worried about him. He could see it on the rare occasions he made eye contact with them. After their initial reaction they were more careful around him, knowing he was in as much pain as they were. They cared for him, pushing aside their own pain at times to comfort him. By all the stars above; it made him hate himself even more. He knew the pain of loosing a child. The Doctor knew it was a pain like no other. They shouldn't have to take care of the man, no, the monster that caused it.

This miserable half existence lasted for a week. Or was it a month? An eternity even? Who knew? The Doctor's mind was screaming so loud he couldn't hear the ever-present Time Sense that all Time Lords possessed. His mind was taken up completely by her.

He avoided sleep like the plague. The Doctor knew that, should he submit and fall it's captive, he would be tortured with images of her face seconds before she was burned from the inside. Thousands upon millions of volts of sheer power and information frying her brain. No, he could not let that happen. Sleep was not an option.

Fate, and the Ponds, had different plans however. After seeing what a pitiful state their infallible Doctor had sunk to, Rory decided he had stood by long enough. He was sick of feeling so helpless. He couldn't help his daughter now, but what he could do was help the man she had loved more than anything in the universe.

Night had fallen, and the broken Time Lord prepared himself for another night of resisting sleeps traitorous grip. Somewhere in the next few hours he felt a warm drink being pressed into his still slightly shaking hands. Looking up in confusion he saw Rory's open, kind face looking back at him.

He saw his mouth move but couldn't hear the words, however he grasped that he was being told to drink. He slowly sipped from the large mug's contents and felt warmth spread through him. Hot chocolate. Many a time had he and River returned to the TARDIS after some adventure or another and retired to the library with two steaming mugs of hot chocolate. They would curl up on the battered leather sofa as he read old Gallifreyan novels to her long into the night. The memory warmed him just as the drink did and he felt a few hot tears drip down his face.

It wasn't until he finished the mug that he realized what Rory had done. He looked at him in panic, sleep winning now that it had the added back up of hospital grade sedatives on it's side. He felt hands under his head, laying it onto a pillow and a thick blanket being pulled over him. Then there was nothing.

Weeping Angels, The Flesh, The Vashta Nerada, CAL, Prisoner Zero, Daleks, The Flesh, Cybermen, Plastic Romans, Astronauts, Silence, The Flesh, CAL, Weeping Angels, The Flesh, The Vashta Nerada, CAL, Prisoner Zero, Daleks, The Flesh, CAL, Cybermen, Plastic Romans, Astronauts, Silence, The Flesh.

On and on images flashed through his mind as he fell deeper and deeper into the abyss of sleep. He tossed and turned as he fell, eyes scanning around in panic, hearts thudding in his chest. There was something here, something he was missing, something important. Again and again the sequence flashed through his mind and he heard his and River's last and first conversation ring out over all of it.

He heard himself, his tenth self, pleading with her to let him take her place. He heard her tell him that everything was yet to come. He heard, louder than everything else in the chaotic mess of his mind, her promising that he would see her again. Over and over those words rang out as the images flashed faster and faster, one thing always seeming to show again and again. He wanted to scream, he wanted it all to just stop! There was something important being shown he just knew it, but he couldn't figure it out with all the noise and confusion!

"You'll see me again you'll see me again you'll see me again you'll see me again you'll see me again you'll see me again" Over and over and over! But he wouldn't! Why couldn't she see that! She was gone and she wasn't coming back and all this was doing was emphasizing the agonizing fact that this time, there was nothing else coming! No more diary entries. No more spoilers.

Weeping Angels, The Flesh, The Vashta Nerada, CAL, Prisoner Zero, Daleks, The Flesh, CAL, Cybermen, Plastic Romans, Astronauts, Silence, The Flesh, CAL, The Flesh, CAL, The Flesh, CAL, The Flesh, CAL, The...

"Oh!"

He shot up into consciousness, mind clear for the first time in days.

"Amy! Rory!"


	5. Tea and Jammie ideas

 

Rory walked back upstairs to the guest bedroom, a trip he'd taken so many times since the Doctor had shot up in bed shouting for them two nights before,  
that he was surprised he hadn't worn a hole in the carpet.

"Amy? What is he doing?" Rory called from the top of the stairs.

"Planning. I think."

The Doctor was pacing back and forth in front of the window. The room was filled with paper scattered about.

"Rory! I have a great idea to get rid of the Vashta Nerada. We can lure them all out with a bunch of meat and then burn them with light. Then we can get to the core. What do you think?" The Doctor looked positively manic.

"I think you need to come downstairs and have a cup of tea with us." Rory said as he took the Doctor's hand. Rory was truly afraid he had snapped. The Doctor never willing killed beings with his own hands. No, he had. Something was different. The intensity? Maybe? Rory wasn't sure. Could this be where his nickname Oncoming Storm came from? Rory and The Doctor reached the kitchen. Amy had three cups of tea laid out and...

" Jammie Dodgers! My favorite!" the Doctor yelled as he dove for the biscuits.

Amy put her hands on his shoulders and pushed him into a seat.

" He is like a hyper spastic toddler." Amy mouthed to Rory.

" I could drug him again." Rory mouthed back.

" OK. Doctor. Just give your mind and mouth a rest. Just relax and have your tea." Amy said as she smiled.

The Doctor nodded yes. Amy hooked up her MP 3 player to a speaker and hit shuffle play. The three quietly enjoyed the music, tea and each other. Till the Doctor tensed up and walked over to the MP 3 player and hit repeat for the last song. He held up a hand to silence Amy and Rory.

He sat on the kitchen floor with his back against the cabinet right under the speaker with his eyes closed. The song played again. The Doctor sat silent and still. He stood up and turned off the player.

" What's wrong Doctor?" Amy asked calmly.

The Doctor looked frustrated. He had no emotional stability right now. Amy wanted to head off any major outbursts. Rory watched the Doctor's face go through numerous emotions in a minute.

" Doctor?" Rory asked as he walked over and stared at the Doctor.

" The song is trying to tell me something but I'm just to daft to hear it."

" You can try again later. Rest a while." Rory said as he lead the Doctor back to his chair. He sat and finished his tea and biscuit.

The Doctor got up and went over to the MP 3 player.

" Pond help."

The Doctor sat down under the speaker again. Amy walked over to him.

" Please hit play when I tell you."

The Doctor started doing strange movements with his hands.

" What are you doing?" Amy asked exasperated.

" I'm practicing my knitting. Quiet, please."

Amy and Rory shared a smile. This was the first normal thing he had done in almost a week.

 _There is my raggedy Doctor. I've missed you._  Amy thought.

After about five minutes: " Play, please."

The Doctor kept knitting his invisible whatever as he listened.

(There must be a thousand ways  
Holding us within this maze  
Every path we take, leads us astray)

(Comfort me, my only son)

_That is me. Gallifrey's last._

(Till the day my work is done  
There's no earthly reason, we should stay)

_Of course there is. Haven't I saved the universe enough? You promised to observe._

(And when the wind gets under these wings  
You will feel what freedom brings)

_My TARDIS. My beautiful bird._

(Stay right by me, walk, don't run  
I don't want you flying too close to the sun)

_No. I ran. I run. That is what I do._

(Turn your eyes towards the light  
Steal away in silent flight  
The skies are calling out to you and me)

_"You watch us run." I am coming to get you River._

(Over sea and over land  
God protect us with your hand  
Bring us safely to our destiny)

_I am definitely going to need help. You can not do this alone._

(And when the wind gets under these wings  
We can taste what freedom brings)

_Metaphor. It is my emotional wings. River is the wind._

(Stay right by me, walk, don't run  
I don't want you flying too close to the sun)

_I lost the Time Lords. Why am I still grieving for them? The Universe gave me River. Why can I not see that?_

(God, forgive his fall from grace  
The sea conceals his resting place  
Can we learn to stay behind the line?)

_"This wasn't me!" " This was exactly you. All this. All of it. You make them so afraid."_

(If we have the means to fly  
Some of us will surely die  
Being reckless was his only crime)

_If that was my only crime. " How far you've come. All this, my love, in fear of you."_

(And when the wind gets under these wings  
We can taste what freedom brings  
Stay right by me, walk, don't run  
I don't want you flying too close to the sun  
Too close to the sun, too close to the sun, too close)

The Doctor opened his eyes and saw Rory and Amy staring at him.

" What is wrong Doctor?" Amy asked.

The Doctor jumped up and said:

" Whole new plan."

The Doctor ran upstairs and closed the door behind him. Amy and Rory could only guess at what the Doctor was doing. The Doctor had not shown his face for eight hours. It was midnight. Amy and Rory decided to get some sleep.

"Amy. Rory. Time to get going."

The Doctor had come into their bedroom and was gently trying to wake them up. The Doctor could hear them trying to wake up. There was a few " huh? what?" and hands fumbling for light switches.

" Let me get that." the Doctor said quietly.

Soft light filled the room. Rory cracked open his eyes and saw the Doctor standing near the door.

"What's the matter Doctor?"

"You had another nightmare didn't you?" Amy asked.

"Come on. Get in. Room for three. You seem to sleep better when your with us." Rory said.

" Ponds, come on. Wake up. Everybody lives."

" Doctor, it's three in the morning." Amy said half asleep.

Amy was about to drift off again until her mind processed what the Doctor said.

"What do you mean "Everyone lives" ? Rory said as he sat up.

"I will explain in the TARDIS. Get dressed. Time for me to be the good guy again."

An hour later Amy and Rory sat on the stairs in the console room of the TARDIS. They had listened through the entire plan.

"Doctor. I want my girl back, also. But is this REALLY going to work?" Rory asked.

"Pond?" the Doctor asked.

"Doctor. Swear on something that matters. I can't stop grieving for her. Then start again if it doesn't work." Amy stated.

"I can't. Don't know if this will work but I have to try. Please?"

"OK." Amy said.

"I'm with you Doctor." Rory said.

"Right then. Sexy. Have you been listening? You have to agree also. You are the one giving your data space. Also you have to reroute the energy flow. I won't force you."

The Doctor was leaning on the console. Things were quiet for a moment, then the TARDIS started up.

" Thank-you dear."

The Doctor then danced around the console flipping switches. Soon enough the TARDIS landed. The Doctor, Amy and Rory walked out of the TARDIS and onto the front grounds of the Sisters of the Infinite Schism.


	6. The Gathering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: The Song in the last chapter was "Too Close to the Sun" by The Alan Parsons Project. From the Album, On Air.

 

The Doctor, Rory and Amy walked through the front doors of the Hospital. The Ponds were taken aback by who was greeting the doctor.

" Doctor. I came as soon as I could." Malokeh said.

" Thank you."

The Doctor and Malokeh shook hands. The head nurse came down the hallway.

"Doctor, Malokeh, Amy and Rory. Please follow me. We are going to a conference room. A few of the doctors have to explain everything."

They followed her to a beautiful set of glass doors. The Doctor took a look around the room and saw everything they would need. Then he smiled.

" Look Ponds. Comfy chairs." the Doctor said as he threw himself into one.

"Excuse him. He's just a bit hyper right now." Amy said as she addressed the room.

The medical personnel just smiled as if to say:" We know him. Don't apologize."

About thirty minutes into planning the phone rang.

" OK, send him in. Doctor there is someone here to see you."

The Doctor stood up and whooped for joy when he saw who was coming. He ran to the door and gently grasped Ood Sigma around the shoulders. The Doctor pulled away when Sigma put his hand to the Doctor's head.

_You are shattered. Why did you not call?_

Amy and Rory were filled with fear. The Doctor calmed them.

"Amy. Rory. This is Ood Sigma. He is a wonderful friend of mine."

"Amy, Rory has one of my brothers hurt you?" Sigma asked.

Amy and Rory stood up and came up to Sigma.

"Not as much as our race has hurt yours." Rory said.

Everyone shook hands and sat down.

" How can I help Doctor?" Sigma asked.

" I don't want..." the Doctor stopped before his voice cracked.

" I am here to do whatever is in my ability. No need to ask."

Sigma could feel the Doctor's emotions raging. He couldn't force himself on the Doctor. When the time is right the Doctor would open himself up to him. The Doctor nodded to Sigma and the meeting continued. Within thirty minutes the Doctor was not interacting very well at all.

The Doctor paced back and forth across the conference room. He had come up with the plan to save River, her team and The Library. However, he had not ironed out the fine details.

"Details, Details! I know it is going to work!" The Doctor said as he threw himself into a big cushioned chair.

Sigma and Malokeh grabbed his chair and wheeled it to the far corner. Malokeh stood directly in front of him grabbing the arms.

"Doctor" Malokeh said in a whisper " I know this is really hard for you."

"You have become totally unbound." Sigma whispered kneeling on the left side of the chair.

The Doctor looked like a rabid animal looking for escape.

"We are here to help. You know that, right?" Malokeh gently prodded him.

"Yes." The Doctor answered.

"We can not help much if we don't know the details. Do you understand?" Sigma asked.

"We can't read your mind. You moron!" Amy shouted from across the room.

"Your wrong, Pond. Sigma can!" The Doctor said smugly.

"I can not do that at the moment. I will not force myself on you." Sigma whispered.

"OK. I understand."

The Doctor got up from the chair and walked to the presentation board.

"Please tell me to slow down if I start going to fast."

The Doctor took thirty minutes to outline the plan.

"Questions? Especially from the medical experts."

All the doctors shook their heads. Rory's hand shot up.

"Yes, Rory." The Doctor said with a sigh.

"Doctor, You said everything has to appear the same to your old self. To keep the time lines in tact."

"Yes. That is the best way."

"How are you going to install the device that will link The TARDIS to the computer core without your old self figuring out that the core was tampered with?"

The Doctor stood speechless."Rory I didn't think about that."

"Not only that Doctor. When are you going to do it? It can't before you originally arrive. It would tip CAL off that something is going on." Malokeh added.

The Doctor jumped up and started writing on another board. The entire room watched as he mumbled to himself as he wrote. The only times he stopped was to ask the TARDIS questions. One hour later:

"Ponds wake up!" The Doctor yelled startling his in-laws awake.

"Did you figure it out Doctor?" Amy asked.

"Thanks to Rory the Roman, this plan is now complete." The Doctor said saluting Rory.

One hour later Amy, Rory, Malokeh, Sigma and the Doctor headed for the TARDIS.

"We will ready and wait for your arrival." the head Sister said.

The Doctor turned around and gave her a bow. They disappeared into the TARDIS.

"OK, Dear. Let's go to the Library." the Doctor said as they set off.

"Wait!" the Doctor yelled.

The TARDIS sighed to herself. Her thief only had the most delicate grasp on himself and reality. The strays he had brought on had helped but not enough. The TARDIS deposited herself where The Doctor needed to be. She dropped a bag full of items on his head.

"Ouch." The Doctor opened the bag and looked inside. "Ok. Be right back."

Sigma watched as the Doctor cautiously opened the door and disappeared.

"Amy, Rory. Malokah and I need you to ask you what happened from when River died and we met at the hospital."

Rory sighed and grabbed Amy's hand. Sigma almost regretted the question.  
The Doctor cautiously crept into River's house. She wasn't home. He ran up the stairs into the bedroom. The Doctor began swapping out all of her devices to keep her golden mane in check. They looked like exact duplicates. Hopefully, River wouldn't notice the minute difference in weight. These small items would link the TARDIS and River together.

The Doctor looked at his reflection. He looked worn. He could only imagine what The Ponds saw before Rory drugged him. He wanted to lecture the reflection. Wanted to threaten him into stability. None of him would respond to the threat anyway. The Doctor took a long look at the items on the vanity and wished that the Universe would give him a break just this once.

"Get out before she catches you."

His Tenth self was addressing him from the mirror.

"Why I'm going to loose her anyway."

The image in the mirror changed.

"Will you stop whimpering and move."

The Doctor went to punch his Third self and stopped short.

"Sure go ahead and ruin the timeline. That will work well."

"Shut Up!" It was utterly laughable. The Doctor had been reduced to yelling at himself in a mirror.

"Look at me! I know we have been through a lot. But it is time to get a bit of a spine back. Enough with the self pity. It makes my stomach turn."

Eleven felt a wave of nausea pass through him.

"Listen to me. This will work. There should be no doubt. No doubt. Do you love her?"

"Of course. I do. You know that."

"Do I? That beautiful golden lioness let us lie down in her den. What did she get for that? She was captured so we can run free. When she was granted her freedom, it only lasted but a moment. Then, we broke her."

"And a last time." Eleven whispered.

"Did she abandon us? No. She threw herself to the hunters so we could live. We can do no less than give her life back. If we are lucky enough she will want to be with us. So we are going to go and remove that force of nature from her cage and set her upon the Universe. Do you understand?"

Eleven stood up straight and answered: " Yes, Sir!"

"Then lets go."The Doctor ran out of River's house and back into the TARDIS.

"To the Library, Sexy."

The TARDIS was all too happy to comply.


	7. Intermission #1

 

Hello all,

I thought it would be a great time for an intermission.

Hi guys, it's me again, The Eye Behind The Lens :) this next chapter is a bit of a mix of both mine and Dragonsbain's work, but the part where the Doctor takes the Ponds aside to tell them his wishes (I won't spoil what said wishes are, you'll have to read it and find out xD) is mine and one I'm really proud of actually, and it's not often I say that about my own work.

 

And as always, Dragonsbain has wacked out her usual wonderful stuff that I always look forward to reading, even when I know what they contain :)  
So m'dears, sit back, relax, prepare for angst and enjoy :D and feel free to PM me over at my account :) toodle pip xxx

Hi guys, this is The Eye Behind The Lens here :) thank you all so much for your wonderful reviews and all of the subscriptions and favourites we've had :) as my brilliant co-writer has already said, this really has been such a labour of love that we've been working on and it's great to finally be able to share it with you all and get such a positive response :)

I've loved working with Dragonsbain, who has been endlessly patient with me (especially when uni and health has been kicking my arse) and asked me to work with her on this project in the first place :)  
If any of you wanna drop me a line then feel absolutly free to do so, I love chatting and would really like to know what you all think.

This is Dragonsbain. I've had a lot of wonderful feedback. I very much appreciate all of it. I have had a few PM's with questions about how this story seems different. Well to all of you, it is. This tale was hidden for so long because the BBC had it and was figuring out what they wanted to do with it. You can all guess what happened. They were wonderful to a pair of new writers. I wouldn't change a thing that has happened.

Now, gentle reader, let us enter the Library.


	8. Swimming with Shadows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I, Dragonsbain, wrote a lot to music. This chapter was written to and inspired by "The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway" by Genesis (Peter Gabriel era) from the album The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway. Just so you know where my thoughts were.
> 
> My coauthor explains the end of this chapter the best."Did you know that when under extreme emotional pain or strain, the body doesn't actually know the difference between laughing and crying?"

* * *

 

"Please everyone. Stay in the TARDIS. I have to do this alone." the Doctor said as he parked the TARDIS.

Malokeh came over to the Doctor.

"I swear to you, we will not leave till you come back." Malokeh and Sigma smiled at him.

"Thank you."

The Doctor and Malokeh started with a hand shake that turned into a hug.

"Ponds behave, please." The Doctor smiled at them both.

Amy and Rory sucked him into a group hug. They wanted to somehow give him their strength. The last week had been a nightmare they all were just waking up from. River's death was bad enough. The Doctor's breakdown was just scary. Not that they blamed him. It was just hard to watch. He was very slow to bounce back. Swagger was not in his vocabulary, at the moment. The Doctor broke from the hug and gathered himself for a moment. He turned around and saluted his four companions and burst out of the doors.

"He is a raw nerve ending. He can't fool anyone, right now. How is he going to make a deal with these man, eating shadows?" Amy said falling into the console seat.

"Amy, he is in perfect condition to do this." Ood Sigma stated.

"How? Explain!" Amy was getting angry.

"He can't lie. He can't pull it off. The Vastra Narada will be able to sense this." Malokeh stated.

"He is very weak now. They are going to eat him alive. Mentally and physically." Amy quietly said.

"Just because he is not able to defend himself doesn't mean that they are going to take advantage of it Amy." Rory said.

"I swear you grew up on Earth. Rory that is when you pounce. When they are down."

Amy jumped up and paced in front of the three men.

"Sorry, Amy. Stop thinking like a human for a moment. No offense. He is going out very exposed. They will see this. There is a lot to be said for showing your enemy your blood and pain. Now, I will agree that the Doctor is one of the only beings in existence that can do this. He will humble them into agreeing." Malokeh explained.

Malokeh walked over and took Amy's hands and stared into her eyes.

"Do you understand?"

"Not entirely. I won't lie. But I trust that all of you won't lie to me."

"Good. We need yours and Rory's total trust not only for this but for saving your daughter."

"You have that Malokeh and Sigma." Rory said.

"Yes, you do." Amy said trying to smile.

"That is all we ask of you." Malokeh said.

* * *

"Hello,Vashta Nerada. I'm the Doctor and I'm requesting a conference." The Doctor spoke into his communicator hoping to amplify his voice.

"I am offering you escape from this planet. You can not feed very well if the rest of the Universe has been told that coming to The Library is a death sentence."

The Doctor deliberately walked on the edge of the shadows. He wanted to make himself a target.

"How many of your kind have starved? How many more do you want to suffer?"

 _Where are you? Come on. I'm the first meat you have seen in years. You almost ate me once._  The Doctor thought.

The Doctor started walking through the dark isles.

"You were taken unknowingly against your will. I want to give you a new forest. Somewhere you can hunt and live naturally. Every single one of you."

_Maybe they are all dead. I am to late._

"Sorry. Lost another..."The Doctor screamed and jumped.

"Oh, there you are."

The Doctor knelled and addressed his second shadow.

"I didn't mean to scare you. My aura is a bit sensitive. So, can we talk?"

The Doctor closed his eyes and took a few calming breaths. He could feel his second shadow becoming much more substantial. He was gently being engulfed. He was in contact with the Vashta Nerada. He opened himself totally to them.

"Doctor?"

He awoke to a very mechanical voice calling to him. Sometime, he had fallen over. He opened his eyes to Other Dave's animated skeleton suit leaning over talking to him.

"Are you good, Doctor?"

" Good. Do we have a deal?" The Doctor said as he stood up and straightened himself out.

" Yes, we have a deal."

" Is the planet suited for you?" The Doctor asked.

" Yes, Doctor. We will do well there."

" Excellent. Let's get started. Shall we?" The Doctor said clapping and rubbing his hands together.

The Doctor walked back into the TARDIS to Amy's shocked expression and Rory's, Sigma's and Malokeh's applause. He did a grand sweeping bow.

"Thank-you."

The Doctor came up to the console with a smirk on his face.

"How? I saw them eat you!" Amy was confused and frustrated.

"Pond. I gave myself to them. Willingly. Then we talked. Very simple. Why would they eat me if I'm going to give them their freedom?"

The Doctor was walking around the console contacting the freighter in orbit.

" But, they ate the team." Amy asked quietly.

" Yes I know. The Library was a very different place when that happened. The Vashta Nerada were alone, afraid and trapped. Also, Cal was at her wits end. That poor little girl putting 4022 in a protective programming loop."

They watched as the Doctor's eyes glazed over for a moment.

"It is different now. The Vashta Nerada are going to be evacuated. We will rescue anyone who wants out of the core. Then, The Library can open again. Excuse me."

 _Everybody lives. Their might be hope yet._  The Doctor walked out the doors of the TARDIS.

"Where do you want the ship to land?"

The Doctor casually walked up to the skeleton suit.

" The equator at..."

The Doctor wrote down the coordinates and walked back into the TARDIS. He walked to the console and transmitted the directions.

" Won't they eat the pilots?" Amy asked.

" They can't. There are no pilots. Fully automatic freighter. I'm programming it now."

"Where are they going Doctor?" Rory asked.

" Planet One. The Vashta Nerada will be the youngest species on the planet. They will be close to the bottom of the food chain. But, that is where they wanted to go. Who am I to question."

" No advantages, at all Doctor?" Malokeh asked.

"None. Gives them a challenge they seem to need."

The Doctor typed a few more commands and with a flourish said:  
"There. All done. The ship will contact me when they are all on board."

" Don't they need some food?" Rory asked.

"There are 40 tons of raw meat in the cargo holds. That should hold them for the journey. Also give them some to live off of as they get a feel for their new home."

* * *

The Doctor walked to the TARDIS doors and opened them.

" Welcome to The Library. Let me show you around."

The Doctor walked them around a bit to show them but also he was looking. Malokeh and Sigma found themselves leafing through books. The doctor walked down the aisle they were in and addressed them.

"I need to talk to Amy and Rory alone for a moment. We will be in that alcove over there. Will you two be OK here?"

" Yes,

Doctor. We will be fine." Sigma stated.

" We won't wander off anywhere." Malokeh said with a smile.

"Thank-you." the Doctor said and he left.

"Sigma, why am I getting uneasy about all of this?" Malokeh said.

"Because of his reputation. We know the REAL Doctor. Flaws, fears, phobias and all. The rest of the Universe thinks he is a god, the devil incarnate or the greatest warrior to ever have lived. We, his closest companions, are shielding him from the rest of the Universe and from himself. There is much to worry about." Sigma said in a matter of fact tone.

"Forget the rest of the Universe. I'm worried about him. I have never seen him so..." Malokeh stopped unable to think of the right word.

"Broken, shattered.." Sigma suggested.

"Those fit but not what I was thinking of." Malokeh said closing his eyes trying to complete the thought.

" Completely lost. It is a bit unnerving." Malokeh said.

"I agree. I totally agree." Sigma answered.

The two nodded at each other and watched as the Doctor lead Amy and Rory to an alcove.

As they all stood in a small, hidden alcove in the Library, on the first quiet moment they'd had since arriving, he decided that he had to tell them. He had to prepare them for the worse, it was only fair. Steeling himself he pulled them further in and looked them both in the eyes, they had to know how serious he was, and that nothing they could possibly say would change his mind.

"Amy, Rory. I need to tell you something. Something really important so you have to concentrate okay?"

They both nodded, faces serious as they sensed the seriousness and importance of whatever it is he needed them to know.

"Okay. Now, if something happens, something that wasn't planned, you are to head immediately to the TARDIS. You then need to say 'emergency protocol 1'. This will ensure you get home safe and in the right time zone. So remember that, it's important."

Both Rory and Amy's hearts were beating fast now, a nervous sick feeling in the pits of their stomachs. Something was really very wrong. Despite almost not wanting to know the answer, she voiced what both of them were thinking.

"Doctor...why do we need to remember that? Surely, I mean...won't you be there to take us home?"

He turned away for a moment, fiddling with his bow tie as he stalled for time. They would not take this well. Taking a deep he turned back to them and smiled sadly, looking every bit his real age despite his impossibly young face.

"Because, assembled Ponds, if it turns out that we...that we can't save River, I won't be coming back out of here."

A stunned silence greeted his admission and both Amy and Rory struggled to process it or accept it. Once again, Amy was the one to break the silence, as all Rory could do was stare in sad shock.

"But..why! Why would you even consider that? It's not like you, you're a fighter! You...you never give up"

She trailed of sadly towards the end as she really caught sight of his old, tired eyes. For once in all the time she'd known him, there truly was no fight left in them.

"I can't do this anymore Amy. I've lost so many people in my life. My entire family, my children and grandchildren. My planet and entire species. Countless innocent people who I just wasn't clever enough or fast enough to save. My companions, through death or because they forgot me or finally realizing how dangerous I am to be with and leaving. So many people that I've loved and lost and if this doesn't work...if we don't save her...I just really don't think I could take another loss. And frankly, I don't want to.I'm old, so very old and I'm tired. I've clawed onto life with everything I've had all these long years. I've been too cowardly to die when I was meant to, always three steps ahead of everyone else. I should have died a long, long time ago but I didn't and now, I finally want to. So I'm begging you, please don't try to change my mind because I promise you, it will not work. I'm not asking you I'm telling you. The only way I'll be walking out of here is with River holding my hand."

He stopped, throat closing up and making speaking impossible, a few lone tears working there way down his young yet incredibly old face. He hated to burden them with this, his best friends, the only two people who could lighten a dark and dismal day. But he knew that if the worse should happen, then not even they would be enough to pull him back from the edge.

Amy had heard enough. Her head was spinning and her already broken heart felt just about ready to crumble into dust. But the most prominent feeling was that of anger. Sheer, seething, unrestrained anger that was burning her up from the inside. Before her mind even registered what she was doing, she'd thrown herself at the Doctor and slapped him for all she was worth.

"You bastard! You utterly stupid, selfish bastard! Don't you DARE think you can just stand there and calmly tell us that if you can't save OUR daughter, then your just going to off yourself to escape the pain! What about us huh! What about how WE feel! She's our daughter, our baby girl! And you're our best friend! I CAN'T loose both of you, I just can't! So don't you dare you selfish idiot! Don't. You. Dare"

By the end she was completely hysterical, screaming right into the Doctor's face and hitting his chest while he just stood there and took it, head bowed and shoulders slumped. Rory however, finally managed to break out of his almost hypnotic state and grabbed Amy, restraining her flailing arms and pulling her backwards away from the Doctor kicking and screaming.

"Amy, AMY! Stop it now, let him go this isn't helping anything. CALM DOWN!"

It as such a rarity to hear Rory shout, especially at Amy, that she couldn't help but do as he said out of sheer shock, her body going loose as she lent back into his embrace.

"Okay. I'm calm. But I'm still sodding angry! We can't just let him do that Rory, we just can't. You agree with me don't you? It's just absurd! You...you do agree don't you? Rory, tell me you agree"

Worry seeped into her voice as she twisted in his embrace to look at him and caught sight of his expression. Her stomach flipped as he refused to meet her gaze.

"Amy. I...I"

He sighed, torn between what he wanted to do and what he knew he should do. He moved his gaze over to the ancient Time Lord and he took in his defeated pose and remembered all the terrible things he had said in their home when he broke, each version of him raw and exposed as the iron walls he encased his emotions in cracked. He felt as though he'd learned more about him recently than he had ever before. It was as though he was two separate people. His heart well and truly went out to him and he knew what he had to do. Steeling himself, he turned back to his fiery wife and told her quietly and sadly what he knew to be right.

"Amy, if we love him how we claim to, then we can't ask him to stay. Not when he's been through so much pain already. As much as we may want to, its not fair. If the worst does happen, we need to let him go. It's what he wants and I...I agree"

As Rory spoke, the Doctor had lifted his head in shock, hardly being able to believe that Rory would not only go against Amy's wishes, but consent to his wish. Once he had finished, he looked at him and saw him in an entirely different light. This incredible man who would do anything in his power to save and help other people, would be willing to let him die because it's what he wanted. He was amazed and grateful beyond comprehension.

"Thank you Rory. From the bottom of my hearts"

Nodding at him, tearing up slightly and the sheer relief in the Time Lord's eyes, he turned back to comfort his sobbing wife, hoping that she would forgive him for this, and also that it would not be needed. He had two people to rescue now, and he'd be damned if he let either of them down. Making a silent promise to himself, he swore that no matter how hard it was or how impossible it seemed, no one would die today. The Doctor had once said that the universe was huge and impossible and that sometimes there were miracles. Today would be the day for a miracle.

The Doctor lead them away from the alcove. He hated seeing Amy and Rory in pain. He just couldn't lie to them. The Doctor stopped and felt a laugh starting to bubble up in him. He kept moving biting down on the laughter. He made it to one of the Library desks and sat in front one of the terminals.

River had once told him that his real laugh, the one that came from nowhere, sounded like a Champagne bottle was laughing. The Doctor laid his head on the desk and let the bubbles escape. That laugh echoed around the empty Library. It truly was a magnificent sound. The Doctor just gave himself over to it.  
Amy was not amused. Not at all. She walked over to the desk and slammed her hands down on it. The Doctor was laughing to hard to jump. He did look up, though.

"What the hell is so funny?" Amy screamed.

Rory, Malokeh and Ood Sigma stood about four meters back and just stared at the bizarre scene. The Doctor got a bit of control back.

"I couldn't lie to you, Pond." The Doctor let out a few more controlled giggles. " Don't you get it? Rory?"

Amy turned around and glared at her husband. Rory's face went from deadly serious to a smirk in about 30 seconds. He walked to the desk and looked at the Doctor. As soon as they locked eyes they both dissolved into laughter. Amy wanted to hit something. So she did. Both men got a not to gentle slap to the side of the head. That roused them from their giggle fit.

"You still don't get it Pond?" The Doctor asked.

"How the hell am I supposed to? You won't explain it to me!" Amy shouted.

"Amy. Rule one." Rory said in disbelief.

Amy's eyes suddenly flashed understanding and a small smile curled the end of her lips.

"The one time I should have stuck to the rule." The Doctor said as his hands flew across the keyboard.

Amy came around the desk and hugged him from behind in the chair.

"No, as much as that hurt, we needed to know, Doctor."

The Doctor smiled and kept typing.

"What are you doing, Doctor?" Rory asked.

" I am trying to access the mainframe. I'm trying to remember the pass codes I created to get back in."

The Doctor closed his eyes and rocked back in his chair. He was lightly tapping his forehead saying: "Come on, come on...Got it!"

The Doctors fingers flew over the keyboard.

" Hello. Anybody home?" the Doctor said quietly.

The screen was filled with static. Then a telephone started ringing.

"Pick up the phone Doctor." Amy said.

"I can't, Pond. The phone is ringing in there but we can hear it out here."

The group looked confused. The Doctor just stared at the screen.

"Can they hear it?" Rory asked.

"Of course they can hear it. I just activated the primary security system. Where are they?" The Doctor was getting frustrated and a bit scared.

"Doctor would the core be a better access point?" Malokeh asked, trying to be helpful.

"I should be able to access it right here." the Doctor said in a growl.

Sigma and Malokeh looked at each other and then the Doctor.

_Oh please. Don't make me go through all this and you not be here. Your supposed to be here._

"Doctor. Breathe." Malokeh said with a bit of force.

"I am breathing. See in and out.."

The Doctor was taking in short rapid breaths.

"Doctor. Be still." Sigma suggested.

The Doctor closed his eyes and calmed down.

"Sorry,Malokeh. Thanks for the suggestions."

Malokeh nodded and smiled.


	9. Reunions are tough

 

"Doctor what are you doing here? This planet is still infected."

The entire group turned around to see Dr. Moon

"Hello, Dr. Moon. I am evacuating the Vastra Nerada as we speak."

The hologram looked shocked. The Doctor walked around and stood in front of the floating security camera.

" I am going to give the Library back to the Universe. All those books are lonely."

_And so am I._

" Does the Lux family know about this?"

"I left them a message. Does that count?"

The Doctor flashed Dr. Moon one of his innocent smiles. Dr. Moon shook his head and sighed.

"What are you here for Doctor?"

"I am here to save CAL, Dr. Song's archeology team and... my wife."

Dr. Moon had listened to River's stories of the Doctor since she was uploaded. It should not surprise him that the Doctor would return.

"You can't save them. They are already saved." Dr. Moon said.

"Oh yes I can. We figured out a way to stabilize the Flesh. Their conscious imprint will load into the Flesh and they can get on with living."

The Doctor proudly announced. Obviously a bit of his swagger had returned. Amy and Rory shared a smile over that.

"Where is my wife? Can I please talk to my River?" the Doctor said with a bit of a whine.

"And like that.." Amy snapped her fingers " it is gone again." Amy just sighed and shook her head.

" Amy be patient with him. You know." Sigma hung his translator on his chest and mimed breaking something over his leg.

"I will." Amy apologized.

The Doctor heard none of the exchange. Dr. Moon and he were studying each other.

"OK. Doctor. I will get your wife. But you get to deal with her."

The group exchanged questioning glances.

"What has that bad,bad girl done now?" the Doctor said with a smile. Dr. Moon laughed.

"Nothing like that, Doctor. They all learned mountain climbing. They summit Everest  
this morning. It took me a few hours but I finally got them all to bed."

"That's my girl." Rory said with a laugh.

"Oh. I'm sorry Dr. Moon. I never introduced anyone."

The Doctor made the introductions.

"Amy and Rory Pond. Yes your daughter is spirited. To say the least. They had been going for three days. I figured that they would want to rest but no, of course not. River announced that they were headed for the "really big mountains" until I reminded them they do need to rest. River finally went to sleep about three hours ago. Need I remind you that she is cranky if she doesn't get, at least, six hours of sleep. When I get her to sleep."

Dr. Moon watched as laughter claimed the Doctor, Amy and Rory.

"It has been a very stressful nine days for them." Sigma indicated.

"I am sure." Dr. Moon answered.

"What else do you need to know from us before we start doing this rescue mission?" Malokeh asked.

Dr. Moon, Malokeh, and Sigma clustered around the Librarian's desk to hash out the details as the Doctor and the Ponds got themselves under control.

"Doctor."

"Yes,Dr. Moon."

"Why do you want to take CAL out?"

"First,I'm not doing anything unless she wants me to. I'm not forcing this choice on anyone. Do you understand?"

"Yes I understand Doctor."

Dr. Moon answered surprised at how fast the Doctor had gotten serious.

"Second, I have a way that Charlotte can experience an almost normal life. A life she was denied before. She will go with her family. If she chooses to. She can be removed from the core. Her consciousness was uploaded."

"You are correct,Doctor."

Dr. Moon stopped and gave everyone a frown.

"What is the matter Dr. Moon?" Amy asked.

"Miss Evangelista, Anita and the two Dave's can't come out."

"Why?" the Doctor asked slowly.

"CAL couldn't catch enough of them. They died to quickly. It is only their essence in the core. "

The Doctor sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"But.." Rory started.

"CAL was wired into the system. As she was dying the computer downloaded everything it could from her brain. Ninety nine point five percent of her made it into the computer. River has just about as much. What she couldn't remember she had in her diary. She is an amazing note taker. She also has a mind like a steel trap. That also helps." Dr. Moon smiled.

"Boy does she ever." The Doctor snickered.

 "So what does her team have. Dr. Moon?" Malokeh asked.

"Only forty two to forty seven percent. Enough to be themselves but not whole. Sorry everyone. CAL and River are the only two that can come out."Amy caught the look on the Doctor's face. She wanted to stop the thoughts going through his head.

"Listen, Doctor. CAL saved as much as she could of them. They are living. So, if everything does work, everybody does live. OK?"

"Yes, Pond. I will discuss all of this with River and Charlotte and then we can carry on from there. Dr. Moon would you please?"

"Of, course. Doctor watch the monitor."

With that Dr. Moon disappeared and the football shaped security camera landed on the floor. The monitor came to life. Dr. Moon was in a living room of some sort. Books, maps,graphs and charts covered the tables and some of the furniture. It immediately reminded the Doctor of the TARDIS Library when River was researching something. Dr. Moon climbed some stairs and landed in a hallway with five rooms.

"Oh, ladies. We have visitors. Rise and shine." Dr. Moon said with a huge smile on his face.

The group in the Library heard various mumbles and groans coming from behind the doors. Dr. Moon opened the door to CAL's room.

"CAL I need you to get up and dressed."

"Why Doctor?"

"There are a few people who would like to see you."

"Who?"

"It is a surprise."

CAL got out of bed with a stretch and a yawn. Dr. Moon closed the door and crossed the hall. He knocked on River's door.

"River. Are you awake?"

The smile on Dr. Moon's face told everyone watching that he had done this before. Dr. Moon cracked the door.

"River. I need you to get up. " he said quietly.

"Why? Can't you handle it?" River's voice sounded like she was sleep talking.

Dr. Moon actually had a safe audience to play to. He may have started life as a virus program but he had grown much. He understood humor. He also understood that as emotional as things were about to get, it is always better to start off with a laugh. So he turned around to face the camera and whispered "Watch this.".

"No I can not. So Dr. Song please get up."

"I am not getting out of this bed till you tell me why."

Dr. Moon turned around and winked at the camera.

"Spoilers." Dr. Moon said in a perfect imitation of River's voice.

Dr. Moon swung the door open and ducked. A pillow and a large teddy bear came flying out. Then what he was hoping for happened. The Doctor's beautiful bubbling laugh filled the hallway. CAL came out of her room with a smile on her face.

"What is that Dr. Moon?"

"The sound of a Champagne bottle laughing. Or at least that is how it was described to me."

"River, are you OK?" CAL asked.

Dr. Moon turned around and River was leaning up against the doorway. She was in a bathrobe and pajamas. She had her mouth covered and a very shocked expression on her face.

"Please tell me this isn't a joke. I couldn't take it if it was."

"No. I would never do that to you. Yes they are here."

"They?"

"Yes your husband and your parents are here."

River slammed the door and reappeared in a minute in jeans and a collared shirt. She was carrying a small ball.

" I don't know how to use this thing yet. Damm it!" River screamed.

"Like this River. Sit down."

CAL took River's hands and placed them around the ball.

"Now think of the Library. Think of the Doctor. Imagine yourself there."CAL's voice turned dream like. Suddenly, all three of them disappeared off of the screen and reappeared about twenty feet behind the group. Amy and Rory engulfed River. It was like hugging a ghost. She was both there and not there. They did not care. They were hugging their daughter and that was all that mattered. River welcomed the embrace and just held on tight.

The Doctor watched, silently. When they broke the embrace all three came up with sparkling eyes and huge smiles. River gathered herself. Mostly to get her voice looked for the Doctor. He was smiling but she could see that he had been deeply hurt. She didn't bother to think about why. She knew. She crossed the 3 meters that separated them and stood nose to nose with the Doctor.

"River."

As much force as he put into that one word it should have come out as a scream. But his body could only do a hoarse whisper.

"Hello sweetie."

The Doctor lip locked with pure energy. Everything he had been holding in came out in that kiss. He had to brace himself against the desk before he lost his legs.  
The Doctor felt River's bare essence surround him. His aura was sensitive enough without having the very being that caused that sensitivity mingling with it. His mind blanked out. The mental version of the Doctor's Zero Room was where he retreated to. River could feel him disappear. She began to get very angry until River quietly heard him sobbing.

River realized that she had mentally merged with him. River didn't know how or why. All she was aware of was heart wrenching pain. Her death had been the last straw. The most feared thing in the universe had been broken to his core by her. She had no idea that his weeping at the Towers was just the beginning. She felt what happened with her parents. She didn't want to feel this. River was reacting instead of responding. River started to break the kiss.

"We are safe here." the Doctor mentally whispered to her.

River was pulling away.

"Wait! Please! (squeak)!

The Doctor couldn't control who was answering her. His squeak was back. River didn't mean to cause her Doctor any more pain. Just between her withdrawing and the squeaky voice she just started laughing.

"What is so funny, River?" Amy asked "I know it wasn't the kiss. You two were lip locked almost a full minute."

The Doctor knew that what just happened was unusual to say the least. He knew she was just as stressed out as he was. He finally opened his eyes. He could tell he had been crying. He rubbed his eyes to clear them. The Doctor looked at River. He was mad. Logically, he knew that stress was in control of both of them. It didn't make it any easier emotionally though.

" I'm sorry my love but .." River stopped before she started laughing again.

"Please explain, River." Amy asked.

"I think I just heard a memory of when his voice changed." River couldn't help but giggle. " That was just too cute. Sweetie."

The Doctor had had enough. He was raw and emotionally bleeding and she was laughing at him. He gathered himself and walked up to her. If he stayed calm he wouldn't squeak.

"Dr. Song. I came all the way here to offer you and Charlotte a way out of the core."

River's expression changed.

"You can get us out?" River was in shock.

"Yes, I can."

"Really?"

It was now River's turn for the trembling vocal cords. The Doctor turned and walked away from her.

"No. I'm (squeak) lying. Just to(squeak) mess with your head, River."

So much for staying calm. Amy had to cover her mouth before she started giggling.

"One of his former selves." Rory whispered to Amy.

"I guess. It is cute though." Amy said through a smile.

"Doctor. Number please." River asked.

The Doctor had sat down with the desk to his back. He was massaging the bridge of his nose. He drew in a deep breath and held up five fingers. River silently started cursing a blue streak. River pulled Dr. Moon away from the group and whispered something to him. Dr. Moon immediately disappeared.

"I'm sorry Doctor. I really am." River said quietly.

"River what is wrong?" Rory asked.

"Not all of his regenerations went well." River said scanning the room for Dr. Moon.

"That is the problem with regenerations. You never quite know what you are going to get." the Doctor said.

"This is the dinosaur one, Rory." Amy said.

River immediately shushed them. Dr. Moon appeared and hurried over to River. River sat in front of the Doctor with a daisy in her hand.

"Doctor what do you see?"

The Doctor lifted his eyes and took in everything. River could see a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.

"I see the daisyest daisy in the universe.." This was a voice they had not heard yet.  
being held by the most sparkling River I have ever known."

River blushed and giggled.

"Why Thank-you sweetie."

"Emotions have their uses." The Doctor whispered to himself. "They enhance life."

"To some people small, beautiful events are what life is all about." River completed.

The Doctor could hear his other selves laughing in his head.

_You picked quite a handful. Didn't you boy? Well go and get her back. Time won't wait forever._

"I can't make your dream come true forever but I can make it come true today, Dr. Song."

River was giggling again. She leaned in close and kissed him.

"Oh you bad, bad girl. What am I going to do with you?"

Her Doctor was mostly back.

" I married a crowd."

" The mind perceives what it wants to dear."

"OK, Doctor, perceive this." River leaned in and whispered something in his ear. She could see he was laughing in his mind. There was a spark of happiness in his eyes.

"River! (squeak) Please!" the Doctor jumped up while turning a beautiful pink.

 _There you are, sweetie._  Thought River.

A small laugh ran around the room. The Doctor turned his attention to Charlotte. He walked over to her and knelled to look her in the eye.

"Hello, Charlotte, I'm the Doctor. Nice to meet you."

"Hello, Doctor. I am very happy to meet you. You are going to take River?"

"I'm humbly asking her to leave with me, if she wants to. You can come also."

Charlotte took his hands and looked deep into the Doctor's eyes. Charlotte saw, felt, the discord in him. Even so, she could feel the warmth and kindness the Doctor possessed.

"Doctor, what about the others?"

The Doctor closed his eyes and sighed.

"I'm sorry Charlotte. They can't survive out here. There isn't enough of their essence. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Doctor I do."

Charlotte gave him a sad smile. He drew her into a hug. If a hug could be nurturing, that is what it was. Charlotte drew back with a slight laugh.

"What Charlotte?" the Doctor said with a small smile.

"River. Do you remember when you said words couldn't quite describe the Doctor?"

River shot a smile at the Doctor. The Doctor was listening with rapt attention.

"Yes I do."

"I know how to describe him." Charlotte said.

"How's that now?" River said through a smile.

"He is a teddy bear that has the entire universe in his eyes."

Charlotte watched as a beautiful, bashful smile graced the Doctor's face. He sat down and pulled Charlotte onto his lap and into another hug. Charlotte saw the Doctor's eyes slightly glaze over before he buried his head into her shoulder. Charlotte looked up and saw the adults exchange a warm glance between them all.

"I would say that pretty much sums it up." River was beaming.

"Charlotte. That is a wonderful observation." Amy said giggling slightly.

"Thank-you." he whispered into her ear.

The Doctor broke the embrace.

"So, would you like to come out? "

"I very much would Doctor but I don't think I can. The Library can not survive without me."

"CAL. We will work this out." Dr. Moon said.

"Charlotte. You have been an amazing guardian of knowledge and beings. There is no one more deserving of a second shot at life than you. I would be honored to help you. So do you want to try it?" the Doctor asked.

Charlotte burst into giggles. The Doctor just drank up the laugh. A child's laugh was the most healing thing in the universe for the Doctor especially now.

"River is this what you meant?" Charlotte asked.

The Doctor gave a questioning look to Charlotte. River took a minute to process what just happened.

"Yes, Charlotte. Like I told you. He is the single biggest flirt in the universe."

The room filled with laughter. The Doctor just sighed and lowered his head. River and Amy walked up behind them.

"Is he turning a beautiful shade of red yet?" Amy whispered.

Charlotte looked down and lifted the Doctor's head a little. The look on his face was priceless. He had a smile that graced both his lips and eyes. He was well on his way to a brilliant shade of red. He looked at Charlotte and mouthed "Help me". Followed by a wink. Charlotte let out a few giggles and nodded yes.

 "That is OK, Doctor. We love you anyway." Amy said as she kissed the top of his head.

Dr. Moon came over to Rory.

"Should we go and save him?"

Malokeh, Sigma and Rory answered: "No."

Dr. Moon smiled.

"I didn't think so but I thought I should ask."

Charlotte stood up and decided to save the Doctor herself.

"Doctor. How are you going to get me out? I need a body. Where do you get a body? Can I look like I do now?"

"CAL, take a deep breath." Dr. Moon said with a smile.

As much knowledge as she gained from the library, she still acted like a little girl.

"Come with me. We will explain everything to you."

The Doctor stood up and walked to the desk. He took out his communicator.

"OK, dear. Flesh files please."

The computer displayed the history of the Flesh and improvements they had made to it with Malokeh, Sigma and the Doctor narrating everything.

"Do you have any questions?" Malokeh asked.

Charlotte nodded no. The Doctor frowned slightly.

"What is the matter Doctor?" Rory asked.

"Charlotte."

"Yes, Doctor?"

"I am going to have to preform some tests on you before you totally settle into your new body."

"I would expect that."

"I don't want you to get scared. I have to use this."

The Doctor pulled out his Sonic Screwdriver. Charlotte looked puzzled.

"Why would I be scared of that?"

The Doctor looked shocked at her lack of a reaction. He sat thinking for a moment and then shook his head.

"Of course. You never saw it."

The Doctor flicked it open and pointed it away from her.

"But you did hear it."

The Doctor activated it. Charlotte screamed and hid behind Rory. Rory gathered her in a hug.

"Charlotte. It's a sonic screwdriver. It won't hurt you. I promise."

"The noise. It hurts my ears."

The Doctor deactivated and pocketed the Sonic. The Doctor knelled in front of Charlotte.

"When we first met. I didn't know what you were. I'm sorry the scans hurt you. When you get into your new body. This noise shouldn't hurt any more. OK?"

The Doctor gave her a small smile.

"I believe you. I can't wait to do this!" Charlotte squealed."Wait. What about River?"

"Yes. What about River?" River asked.

The Doctor could tell that she was not totally sold on the Flesh.

"Well..." the Doctor cleared his throat " River could either do the same as you or..."The Doctor stopped. Both the smile and the glow on his face disappeared."do something that could collapse the Time Stream..Again."

River looked at her parents.

"What is he talking about?"

"Saving your body River." Rory explained.

"By having to watch you die(squeak) a second time."

River was thinking about how that could be done. Before she could comment the Doctor's communicator started beeping wildly.

"That would be the Vastra Nerada. Excuse me."

The Doctor headed for the TARDIS at a pretty good clip. River wanted to go after him but was held back by Rory.

"Give him some time. You have absolutely no idea how badly your death devastated him." Rory said.

"And us." Amy added.

Amy could see River's face change.

"I had to..." River said with a slightly cracking voice.

Amy came and hugged her daughter.

"We understand why you did it."

"And we are proud, beyond words, of what you did."

Rory claimed River from Amy's arms. River squeezed Rory tightly. River broke the embrace and started pacing in front of them.

"Mum. Dad. He took me to the Singing Towers. They were amazingly lovely. I was having the time of my life. He even took dance lessons!"

"No more spastic dancing?" Amy asked.

"Definitely, no more spastic dancing." River became luminescent at the memory.

"I was laying in his lap watching the beginning of the sunrise. The Towers actually stopped singing for a moment and changed the song they were playing."  
River stopped to think.

"Ood Sigma, could the Towers have actually known?"

"River. I felt him as soon as I landed on the same planet he was on. So I would say yes."

"I didn't know. He was ecstatically happy till that happened."  
Amy held up her hand.

"Sobbing or silent?"

"He didn't make a sound. Mum?"

"He once told me that children cry because they need attention. They cry silently because they just can't stop. Guess that applies to him also."

"He couldn't stop Mum. I didn't even ask why. I never thought to. I just held him. He never told me why, either."

River stopped and looked around.

"Where is Charlotte?"

 "She went after the Doctor. Right after he left." Dr. Moon said.

"River do you want the explanation of how we can save your body?" Malokeh asked.

"Yes I suppose I should." River said.

 

 

 


	10. From the Mouths of Babes

 

The Doctor scanned the Library for life forms for the fifth time. All the Vastra Nardia were on board the ship. He hit a few more buttons and the freighter was off.

_Good. One problem solved._

The Doctor flopped into the seat and tried to relax. He couldn't think straight.

_How am I supposed to save River and Charlotte if I can not control myself?_

Charlotte had followed the Doctor into the room that the TARDIS was parked. River had described the "magic box" to her many times. Seeing the TARDIS was much more impressive than any story. Charlotte wanted to touch her.

"Hello TARDIS. My name is Charlotte. River has told me a lot about you. You are very pretty. Can I touch you?"

Charlotte gingerly touched the TARDIS. The wood was warm. River had told Charlotte that if the TARDIS liked something, she would hum. Charlotte ran her hands over the TARDIS's exterior. Charlotte was tracing out the swirls and patterns in the wood.

The Doctor had moved to the glass floor and stretched out. The TARDIS had kept quiet. Her thief was attempting to calm down. Silence was what seemed to be working for Doctor lay with his eyes closed and tried to get some peace. After a while, the TARDIS started her happy humming. The sound grew louder. The TARDIS was oozing happiness. The Doctor knew she was reacting to something and it wasn't him. The Doctor opened his eyes and asked:

"What is it? What has got you all giggly, old girl?" the Doctor asked as he gently patted the floor.

The TARDIS answered by cracking open her doors. Charlotte peeked her head in.  
"Doctor? Are you in here?"

"Yes, Charlotte. Please come in."

The Doctor sat up and faced the doors. Charlotte walked in the doors and gasped. The Doctor watched with a small smile on his face as Charlotte took in the Control room. The TARDIS was humming happily. Charlotte walked further into the TARDIS eyes wide with wonder as she touched and stroked various bits on her way to the Doctor.

"Welcome to the TARDIS Charlotte."

"Doctor. She is beautiful!"

The Doctor had a laugh bubble out of him.

"Flattery will get you everywhere with her, Charlotte."

The TARDIS responded to his breaking of a beautiful moment by throwing a Yo-Yo at him.

"Hey, that was the truth!"

The Doctor then noticed what she had thrown at him.

"Thanks dear! I need this."

The Doctor stood up and started playing with the Yo-Yo.

"Yes, Charlotte. Yo-yo is great for hand-eye coordination."

"Yes, Doctor." Charlotte agreed.

"Did you know that a yo-yo can be used as a weapon. A weapon that is now a toy. Scary and brilliant."

The Doctor quieted and looked at Charlotte.

"Doctor, are you alright?"

"Sure. I am fine." The Doctor kept his hands busy getting a feel for his yo-yo again."Why do you ask?"

"You are here to help us. Who is helping you?"

"Charlotte I can handle myself. Thank you for the concern. Let's focus on you."

"You flirt better than you lie, Doctor." Charlotte said as she stared into his eyes.

The Doctor looked angry at that. Before he could speak, Charlotte continued.

"Can I trust you with a secret, Doctor?"

"Yes, why?"

"River would be very mad."

"Then don't tell me."

"You should know this and I don't think she will tell you."

The Doctor was now highly interested. He sat down next to Charlotte on the glass floor.

"When River was first uploaded, she was very excited. You had kept her alive. Now she could explore and read for eternity."

"That is what I wanted her to do. I knew as long as she was safe I could work on a way to get her and anyone else out."

"Yes, Doctor. On her fourth night everything changed. She seemed really distracted and kind of sad."

"Why? Charlotte, please tell me."

"River wouldn't tell me at first. So I pretended to go to sleep. I crept back into her room and found her curled up with her pillow staring at the wall. I walked up to her and gave her my teddy. I said if she couldn't tell me what was wrong maybe she could tell teddy."

The Doctor's eyes went very soft.

"Is teddy a good listener?"

"Yes he is. River took teddy and told me to get on the bed. She wanted to know if I knew what Self Worth was."

"Self Worth?"

"I said yes. River said she was afraid that you never learned that. River said you were a bit thick. She did everything she could to show you. She was convinced that you still hadn't gotten it by the time she died. Then she hugged teddy and started to cry."

"River.."

_The Doctor is dying. Please, please help._

"River said that you were so cross that you couldn't hear what she was saying."

_No one can help me. A fixed point has been altered.  
_

"I hurt her Charlotte." the Doctor said with a sniffle. "She stood in front of me telling me that the Universe would mourn me."

"River told me that she tried to stay calm but you were not hearing her. River yelled at you. She didn't want to yell at you."

"River was so upset, Charlotte. I made her cry. The woman that I love more than anything." the Doctor sniffled. " She was only trying to tell me that I was loved. I do not deserve her. Not at all. She loved me enough to spend her life in jail to protect me. And I ..."

The Doctor was attempting to control himself. Charlotte pulled him into a hug. Charlotte could feel him trying to stifle his feelings. He was mostly successful.

"She loves you soo much Doctor. I think that you need to tell River that you heard her on that pyramid. That is all she wanted."

The Doctor pulled back and rubbed his eyes.

"I plan on doing a lot more than that. She is an amazing wife and friend. Even when I didn't know who she was. It is my turn to be her husband. Fully and completely her life mate. Thank you for telling me this Charlotte. I will let River know I figured it out."

"That would make her very happy."

"Shall we join the others?"

Charlotte nodded yes. The Doctor lead the way walking his yo-yo in front of himself.

"You are good at this." Charlotte said as the Doctor executed a perfect around-the-world.

"Thank you Charlotte. It has been a few centuries since I've tried to do this. Let me see if I can give you a rock the baby."

Charlotte watched as the Doctor stopped walking and wound up wrapping the string around his wrist. The Doctor snarled and unwound himself.

"One more time, Charlotte."

The Yo-Yo was bending to his will. The baby fell right into the cradle. Charlotte clapped. They had made it back to library desk that was serving as a base of this rescue mission.

"Everyone! The Doctor is showing me yo-yo tricks. He is very good."

"Oh God. Not the yo-yo." River mumbled.

"What is the matter with him playing with a yo-yo?" Amy whispered.

"That means he is so stressed out that everything you told me is true." River whispered.

"We weren't lying River. You said you felt it." Rory added.

"What was that Doctor?" Rory asked.

"A trapeze into a green triangle. Let me show you a boingy boing."

The butterfly yo-yo obediently bounced between the two vertical strings.

"I didn't want to believe it. Now I'm scared." River whispered.

River felt something tapping her boot. She looked down to see the yo-yo tapping her boot then backing up.

"Yes, Doctor? Did you need something?" River said coyly.

"A decision Sweetie."

The Doctor used her term for a reason. River watched as he put the yo-yo into a sleeper. She could see in the Doctor's eyes that the flesh would be better for him. River closed her eyes and sighed.

_Look at her. She is going to choose the lesser of the two to spare you the pain. Give our Wife her life back!_ His collective conscious was screaming at him. The Doctor gathered himself.

The yo-yo was tapping on her boot, again. River opened her eyes and saw the look on the Doctor's face. He was going to save her body.

"Really?" River said in a whisper.

The yo-yo wrapped around her projection and pulled her to the Doctor.

"Yes, River. It is the least I can do." he whispered.

River hugged him tightly and whispered a very choked "Thank-you" into his ear. The Doctor backed up and started swinging the yo-yo around her.

"What is that, Doctor?" Charlotte asked.

"This is a three leaf clover. Done over and over again. Because we are going to need all the luck we can get."


	11. Intermission #2

 

Hello all,

I hope you are all enjoying the story thus far. The following chapters were researched as much as could be done. So I would like to thank the doctors and nurses at Weddington Primary. Also the Whovians at Duke Power. Also a quick shout out to the people I work with at Costco #367. They have put up with me running around doing scenes in my head. Special thanks to Mark P. who came up with the one perfect word to name this story.

Hello m'loves, it's me The Eye Behind The Len :) I hope you are all doing well and enjoying our story :)  
This next chapter includes something that I felt very strongly about including. As always, I won't tell you just yet as I do not wish to spoil it, but I can tell you it involves lovely Rory being a total BAMF :) I love his character ever so much and I don't think he gets nearly enough credit for how amazing he is, bit in the show and in the fandom. He is such a strong character and has grown more than anybody else. And even more importantly, he just has so much love.  
So with this, I really wanted to let him have a share of the spotlight and show just how strong he is and how much he loves his family.  
I hope you enjoy it and as always, feel free to drop me a line, as well as comment here :) we both love hearing from you all :)  
Toodle pip, Neeka xxx

Without much further ado, lets go save River.


	12. Nothing is stronger than a father's love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: We dedicate this chapter to all the fathers and grandfathers out there, especially our own.

 

The TARDIS landed silently making herself invisible. Nothing was being left to chance. It all must work perfectly. The TARDIS put herself a meter behind where Anitia's skeleton suit would fall. The Doctor, Amy and Rory were all huddled next to the TARDIS watching the scene before them play out. His Tenth self flew around the corner popping panels open with River, Lux and Anitia in tow.

The Doctor had kitted them all out with a device (not unlike what he used with Martha and Jack so long ago) that would divert anyones eyes that may wander their way. They both had been very unimpressed when what he'd told them was a "visiony diverting oozaflip" turned out to be in the shape of a fork from the TARDIS kitchen on piece of string.

His tenth self and River had just started arguing when he remembered with a horrified jolt what was going to come next.

"Erm, assembled Ponds, perhaps it's time for you to assemble somewhere else. Inside the TARDIS perhaps. Surely you don't want to stand here for ages. I've already lived all this remember and let me tell you, it is booooooring. Yup, nothings interesting is going to go one so therefore, there is no reason for you both to stay"

He tried to stay as nonchalant as possible, but as anyone who has ever met the Doctor know that once he gets flustered, he gets very very flustered. So him being 'nonchalant' in this situation actually means he wrings his hands together, shifts from foot to foot, tries to lean against a wall but slips and just generally gives off the impression that yes, there most certainly will be something worth hanging around to see. And both Amy and Rory are now dying to find out what.

A mischievous glint sparking in her eyes, Amy exchanges a look and a sneak smile with her husband, who, oblivious as he is, actually understands her and smiles back.

Operation Discover and Tease was a go.

"Doctor, is there something you're trying to hide from us?" whines Amy, using her her 'I will find out what I want to find out" voice. Rory just metaphorically stands back and watches his troublesome wife at work.

"Hmm? Is there Doctor? Because it seems an awful lot like there's something you don't want us to see."

The Doctor looks, if possible, even more flustered, ringing his hands more and wriggling as much as there limited space allows.

"Pfft, don't be ridiculous Pond. There's err, nothing to see, absolutely nothing what so ever. Speaking of, have I ever told you about the planet that literally has nothing going on what so ever? It's been voted the number one most boring planet in the universe! Isn't that interesting! How about you go inside and ask the TARDIS to look it up for you!"

If she wasn't trying so hard to be quiet, Amy would have burst out laughing at his hilarious attempts to change topic and distract them. She was just about to open her mouth and reply when Rory grabbed her arm.

"Shush! Look, somethings happening!"

With that, they both turned with rapt attention to what was going on. The Doctor let out a groan and wiped his hand down his face in despair.

He was never going to live this down.

All he could do was watch with horror as River punched his tenth self out cold.

The noise that erupted from Amy and Rory, muted though it was, made the Doctor want to retreat to the TARDIS with his tail between his legs. He wanted this even more so when they both turned away from where River was now handcuffing his unconscious body to a rail, with twin expressions of absolute amusement, disbelief and a huge splattering of 'we are never going to let you forget this'.

"Doctor? Did River seriously just knock you out cold?" asked Amy, smothering more laughter and trying to wipe the smirk from her face. "With one punch? Seriously?"

Spluttering once more, the Doctor indignantly replied "Yes, I suppose she did. But she is part Time Lord remember. And we are significantly better and stronger than you humans in every way"

He turned away from them, crossing his arms in a huff, not realising he'd just set himself up for more teasing.

"So how then, did a half Time Lord beat a full Time Lord hmm?"

"...yes well, just, it happens. Lucky shot and all that, caught me at a bad time..." he stuttered, trying in vain to justify getting knocked for six, a highly insulted look on his face.

That was all it took for Amy and Rory to fall about in laughter, smothering it in their hands to try and keep quiet.

"Oh Doctor, you make it too easy"

Leaving a still spluttering and flustered Doctor in the alcove, the terrible two finally retreated to the TARDIS, laughing all the way.

Once they were out of sight, despite still being embarrassed and knowing he wouldn't hear the end of this, he couldn't help but smile slightly. They had both needed a laugh with all of this hardship going on, and even if he was the source of such laughter, he was glad to be able to help and begin to pay them back for how amazing they've been.

The Incredible Ponds. Only they could have created the amazing person they were all here to save. He owed them more than they would ever know. The Doctor quietly got back in the TARDIS. They were laughing. Even Sigma had a smile on his face.

"We have four minutes everyone. Let's get ready." The Doctor said. He hated to spoil their good mood already.

He stood hiding in the shadows, out of sight of both his wife and younger self. As he watched her soft, delicate hands wire everything together, he was struck with a crippling wave of self doubt. His hearts seemed to skip a beat and his breath hitched in his throat as he thought about what it would mean should he fail. He would once again have to sit there helpless as his wife died before his eyes.

Refusing to think that way, he kept running through the plan over and over in his mind, rethinking and recalculating constantly to ensure no mistakes had been made, pacing up and down in the TARDIS. The Doctor was stopped in his tracks however, as he heard his tenth self regain consciousness and beg River to let him take her place. He froze, a shiver running down his spine as he remembered the horrible, helplessness he felt as he knew there was nothing he could do to stop this, to stop her. He would simply have to watch as she fried from the inside.

He felt Rory and Amy come up behind him, unable to fight their curiosity at seeing both his younger self, and their daughters last words. Each word River spoke was like a knife plunging into his hearts. He could have recited them word for word with her, as they had been burned on the inside of his scull, but hearing them again was even more painful now he really knew her and loved her. His hearts were hammering in his chest, his breathing getting harder with each word that tumbled from her beautiful lips. He was trying so hard to hold himself together, but as soon as she talked of The Singing Towers, a sudden dizziness overtook him. He reached out his hand to steady himself, her words tearing through his mind

" ...you've always known how I was going to die...the Towers sang and you cried...my time, time to come to the Library...there's nothing you can do...there's nothing you can do...there's nothing you can do..."

He felt his legs give way and he crumbled to the floor, his breaths coming hard and fast as he mumbled out, "there's nothing I can do" over and over, utter terror filling his mind. What if she was right!

His vision was turning black around the edges and for a moment, he was sure he would pass out. Suddenly, he felt strong hands on his shoulders, shaking him yet holding him steady. He looked up and saw Rory's tear stained but determined face staring back at him, mouth moving but making no sound. His eyes briefly registered his friend's arm lifting up before he was slapped sharply on the face.

"Doctor! DOCTOR! You need to get a grip and pull yourself together! We need you and more importantly, River needs you! I know this is hard to watch right now, it is for us to and right now the only thing holding me together is the chance that we can save her. So don't you DARE sit there and say there's nothing you can do. Don't you dare".

Taking one final glance back to River and his former self, who was currently telling her that there was only one time he could ever reveal his name, he steeled himself and nodded at Rory, taking his outstretched hand and being pulled to his feet.  
He clapped him on the shoulder, giving him a small, almost sad smile.

"Rory the Roman. You great, impossibly brave man. Go save your daughter, my wife, you're the only man for the job"

As much as he wanted to run and grab her from that dreadful chair himself, he knew he would probably have still been a quivering mess on the floor if it wasn't for him. He owed Rory so much, not just for that but for everything. Even from their very first meeting he was the only one who ever dared question him or called him on a decision, he always put aside his own needs for those of others and he always stayed strong, even when he himself couldn't. And most of all, because out of the two of them, he was the real hero, and he was the one who deserved to run out there and save his little girl.

Looking back to River, he saw her whisper her final words before pressing the two connectors together and fill the whole room with a blinding white light. Turning to Rory he nodded before watching him set of at a dead run to where their girl sat dying. Knowing she was in the safest of hands he brushed his hand roughly over his wet eyes and set of at a jog to complete his half of the plan.

They would save her.

Now it was his turn. The Doctor has saved her, saved all of them over and over, and he always just stood to the side and helped where he could. But this was his little girl, no matter how grown up she was. He had missed out on so much but he would not miss the opportunity to pluck her from Death's clammy grip.

The second she connected the two power couplings, white light flooded the area as the TARDIS channeled the data away from her and he ran like he had never run in his entire life, fear and adrenaline pushing him faster.

He skidded next to her, removing the evil halo of wires intent on killing her and bundled her into his arms. She looked up at him, eyes wide in shock, fear and pain. She was shaking all over, tears dripping down her face as she stuttered out:

"but...I'm dying! I need to sssave...it hurts!"

"shush, it's okay, it's okay. Daddy's here, I've got you. You're safe"

He whispered this to her over and over, kissing her face before picking her up and holding her to his chest as he ran back to the TARDIS with his baby, his little girl.  
He had done his part, now it was down to the Doctor to do the rest.

The Doctor grabbed the neural relay from River's collar. He wanted to stay. To help.

"Doctor, Go! Now!" Amy screamed as she push him away from River.

The Doctor watched as his River was engulfed in beings and equipment. Trust. He needed to trust. His fingers danced across the manipulator and he was soon in a very quiet TARDIS. He could hear Sexy quietly questioning his dual presence.

" It's OK. You just saved your Melody. It will all be OK." the Doctor whispered as he leaned on the console.

The strength was not there and he sank to the floor. He allowed himself a few moments to just lay there and shake. Thankfully, he wasn't a light sleeper. Anyway, he could hear his younger self crying in his sleep. It was a horrible nightmare.

The TARDIS was frustrated. Her Doctor was hurting twice over. One was in a nightmare and one was a jumble of raw nerves. Honestly, he could be such a handful at TARDIS started gently swaying. She was calming them both. In a few moments, one was smiling and the other was peacefully sleeping. The Doctor stood up and faced the console.

" I truly don't deserve you Sexy."

He leaned down and kissed the console. He knew it wasn't possible but he swore he heard Sexy laugh. He grabbed the fully charged Sonic and inserted River's neural relay.

The Doctor walked underneath the console and saw himself asleep in the sling. The nightmare vanquished by Sexy. He wanted to say so many things. He could see himself dreaming. He walked to himself and dropped the sonic with a note in his lap.

" Have a good time tonight." He whispered to his sleeping self. "It's OK to show her how you really feel. Remember she stopped time to show how much love you weren't seeing. Stop being such a coward. Show her your soul. It's your turn for her shoulder. No, that's not weak." the Doctor stopped there. He was choking himself up.

He leaned against the railing, drawing strength from his TARDIS. When he felt composed, the Doctor reappeared and ran behind the pillar his old self was handcuffed to. He was still curled into a tight ball. Vision washed out. He soniced the cuffs and quickly closed the TARDIS doors. He remembered only being blinded for about five minutes.

The Doctor went back over to the group. River laid with her head in Rory's lap and Amy holding her hand. They were actually smiling. That was worth something. Malokeh came over and pulled the Doctor aside.

" It is like we discussed. She got the initial shock. She has a migraine. She has second degree burns on both hands and so does your Father-in-law. She also has burns where the halo was touching her head. Her brain may still react some but I think she should make it. Did you complete your part Doctor?"

"Yes, I did."

The Doctor walked over to the small screen on the console and pulled it around so it was facing the door. The picture was the room right outside the TARDIS doors.

" The blue book is her diary. That is my old screwdriver and, the one with the ring, is the screwdriver I gave her this morning. Oh, look I think I'm uncurling."

He watched himself flip around and lean up against the pillar unaware that the cuff was undone.

"Mum..look." River whispered and pointed toward the screen.

"What River?" Rory asked.

" Pretty boy." River closed her eyes and smiled through the pain.

Amy got up and walked to the screen. Now that River was momentarly safe, she could closely observe the younger Doctor. She watched the younger Doctor detach himself from the pillar and stand up.

" You can just fall into those eyes." Amy said dreamily.

"Amy." Rory called.

" Yes?" Amy turned around to see her daughter draw her hands up like little paws and emit a half bark.

"Definitely, puppy dog eyes." Amy turned to her Doctor and said:

" What happened to you?"

" What do you mean, what happened? I'm fine just the way I am."

The tone of the Doctor's voice made the group laugh. The Doctor made his way over to River and knelt next to her.

"Sleep River. It will help with the pain." the Doctor whispered.

"Can't. Won't wake up." River looked between her father and her husband. Her look was one of sheer terror.

"River. Your neural relay is in the screwdriver I gave you. I'm going to put you in the data core in 3 hours. Let your brain and body heal. Then I can reboot you."

River looked in the Doctor's eyes. She saw all the love in the universe. All directed at her. Rory tried to mentally pull away. He was supporting River's head and would have liked to give them some privacy. So he just quietly sat still and wondered how he could have ever questioned the Doctor's intentions. The Doctor stood up and bounced up to the console.

Malokeh descended on Rory and River. He was trying to clean their burns. Amy joined Malokeh and was acting as a second set of hands. Malokeh gave Amy a silent thank-you.

"OK Dear. Help me get your Melody to the hospital." the Doctor said to the TARDIS.  
The TARDIS responded by flipping her own switches. The Doctor leaned against the railing. He was glad Sexy could occasionally drive herself. He would probably screw up something right now.

Ood Sigma quietly came behind Rory and asked him to move. Sigma sat cross legged behind River's plume of golden curls. He wanted to help. The Doctor was extremely fragile now. He was mentally holding Sigma off. Sigma just nodded towards the Doctor.

 _I can help him more later._ Thought Sigma. _I can help his beloved now._

"River. Close your eyes and listen." Sigma said.

River tilted her head back and looked at Sigma with a question in her eyes. Sigma lightly touched her forehead. Sigma couldn't bond with her. Her body was going into shock. He could sing to her. Keep her calm.

_It is OK. You will be healed. Hear the music. Let it soothe you._

Sigma watched as River's eyes fluttered shut. Sigma turned his eyes to the right and saw the Doctor smile at him.

"Doctor. Be still." Sigma said.

Sigma could see him fighting tears. Sigma looked at Amy and Rory. They were beaming love at him. Sigma appreciated it. Malokeh smiled.

"She is going into shock. I've got them. You just be with River." Sigma closed his eyes and focused on keeping River calm.

"Come on pull it together. Just get her into the hospital." the Doctor whispered.

The Doctor could hear the TARDIS landing. Sexy parked herself. Sigma could feel the Doctor's hand on his shoulder.

"Let me take her now." the Doctor whispered.

The Doctor picked River up and carried her out the door into the room that the Sisters had prepared for her. The Doctor carried her to the bed and sat down on it with River in his arms. Malokeh signaled to the Sisters to work around the Doctor. Sigma kept himself behind the Doctor.

"Sister please look after Rory." Malokeh said.

Amy and Rory walked to a second bed in the room. They kept an eye on the Doctor and River. They knew River was in the best hands in the universe. It was the Doctor they were concerned for. River opened her eyes with a start.

"River you are well. The Sisters have you now. You will be fine. So, please rest." Malokeh said.

"Thank-you." River whispered.

" You are welcome. Sleep now." Sigma said.

"I don't want to live without you. I won't let you die. Trust me." the Doctor said in a hoarse whisper.

"You promise?"

The Doctor slowly nodded yes. River reached for him. She could see his eyes gloss over.

"Come here you big baby." River said in a whisper.

The last thing River felt was the Doctor's lips touching hers and a few of his tears on her cheeks.

Sigma gently pulled the Doctor's arm.

"Come with me Doctor."


	13. Doctor heal thy self.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is all Eyes creation. I also now have a link to her Tumbler account.
> 
>  
> 
> http://teenyblondini.tumblr.com
> 
> We truly hope you are all enjoying the story.

 

The Doctor wiggled out from under River. Sigma signaled him to sit a few meters away from the beds.

"Still Doctor. Let me help."

They sat crossed legged opposite each other and as his hands were taken by Sigma's surprisingly soft and warm grip, he felt the familiar presence of another mind linking with his.

Moments like this were rare and bittersweet. He treasured them because of the fact that there were very few species in the universe who held any telepathic abilities and fewer still who could cope with being mentally linked with a Time Lord, the whole of space and time running through their heads. To be linked with another mind is to be as close to that person as it's ever possible to be. It's an experience that cannot be described and those who have not experienced it, have no comprehension of it. Simply put however, it felt like you were no longer alone.

But he was though, and it was acts like this that emphasized it even more. Before the Time War, he constantly felt the dull, warm buzz of every other Time Lord in the universe at the back of his mind. He was connected to them as they were to him and looking back on it now, he chastised himself at just how much he took it for granted. But unfortunately, it's like that old saying goes, you never miss what you have until it's gone. With the destruction of his people and their planet he lost that connection, and it was like nothing else imaginable. To have a hundred million minds torn away so suddenly, to have that ever present buzz silenced, it was worse than dying. And it was made all the worse because it was his fault. He killed them.

"Be calm Doctor. Quieten your mind"

Without consciously meaning too, he found himself breathing slowly and deeply, letting all thoughts of the Time War fall from his mind. He felt Sigma begin to envelop his mind around his own and it felt like slipping into a hot bath after a long day out in the cold. He relaxed into the comforting warmth, allowing it to pull him deeper and deeper into their mingled consciousness.

Soon he was completely engulfed and started to sense things. They were small at first, tiny gusts of a warm breeze on his face, the faint scent of grass, the far away sound of birds singing. Soon his curiosity overwhelmed him and he opened his eyes.

He sucked in a breath, gazing around in wonder. He was stood in the middle of one of the most beautiful place he had ever seen in his long, long life. It was the kind of place that could only ever come into being in the deepest realms of the most skilled minds. There were endless fields of sparkling emerald grass as far as the eye could see, disturbed only by small red, purple and turquoise blue flowers of startling beauty. He bent down and ran his hand through the gently swaying sea of green, marveling and it's softness. He lowered his face to each one of the different colored blossoms, inhaling each of their scents and realizing that they each smelled of different things.

He was completely overwhelmed in the beauty of the place, and as he laid himself down on his back in the grass, feeling it's softness all around his body. Shading his eyes he looked up at a sky that was so blue it almost made the TARDIS look dull. Floating in the midst of it's azure depths were two suns, one slightly larger than the other and both a blazing shade of orange. They warmed his skin and reminded him of the twin suns that had resided over his planet, yet he was surprised that he could remember it without his hearts constricting painfully.

He basked there for a while, just being. It was such a long, long time since he'd felt this peaceful, this at one with himself and everything else. This truly was a magical place.

Soon however, a soft, ethereal singing filled his little haven, ringing over the rolling emerald fields and entering his very soul. It made him want to laugh and weep and dance all at the same time and the sheer beauty and emotion of it was like non he'd ever known. He felt the music wrap around him and raise him up out of the soft grass and towards the crystal heights of the sky.

Higher and higher he was lifted until the song started to slowly fade and he began to be aware of his body once again. Opening his eyes for real this time, he blinked away the tears of joy that were beginning to form in them and looked into the kind, old eyes of Sigma. There were not words in any language that could accurately express what he wanted to say, so he simply smiled, it being the first one in such a long time that wasn't forced or burdened and hoped it conveyed the pure gratitude he felt towards him.

Inclining his head, Ood Sigma simply stood and walked towards River's bed. He noticed that the room was darkened. Both River and Rory's beds were surrounded with monitors. Both were also sleeping. Amy was sleeping curled next to Rory in his bed.


	14. Electricity and bodies don't mix.

 

Sigma was not surprised at River's condition. All of her golden curls were piled on top of her head. All of the burns the halo produced were covered. He could see that the Sisters had to shave parts of her head to access the burns.

"Oh, she isn't going to like that." The Doctor said quietly to Sigma. " She will understand but still get a bit cross."

"The Sisters shaved only what they had to. Nothing more." Sigma noted.

The Doctor gently pulled back the sheet. River's chest was covered with sensors transmitting to the monitors. Then he noticed something else which made him gasp.

"She is all bruised. What happened?"

The Doctor walked over to Rory's bed and carefully lifted up the sheets. Same thing. All sensors and bruising. The Doctor walked around Rory's bed till he got where their heads were. He gently laid his hands on their foreheads. He closed his eyes and sent them both a message.

_I am awake and feeling much better. You two just sleep. You need the rest. Rory, thank you again for everything._

Sigma watched as the Doctor opened his eyes and gently kiss both of their foreheads. Both Amy and Rory smiled in their sleep. The Doctor made his way back over to River's bed and Sigma.

"Rory is all bruised also. We should find Malokeh."

Sigma and the Doctor walked into the hall looking for anyone. They wandered to a station. The Sisters stationed there were very happy to see them.

"Doctor. Sigma. You are finally awake. Malokeh has been waiting for you to awaken. I shall get him for you."

One of the Sisters left to get Malokeh.

"Sister, how long have were we linked?" the Doctor asked.

The Sister looked at her watch for a moment.

"Three hours and 45 minutes."

The Doctor's face showed wonder beyond belief to Sigma.

"That is very impressive." the Doctor announced.

Sigma shook his head and let out a stuttering pant. The Doctor just smiled and pulled him into a hug.

"So, finally, I get to make an Ood laugh."

Sigma broke the embrace and gave the Doctor's hands a squeeze.

"You needed it. Remember, a linking benefits both of us. You just needed another set of eyes looking at everything for it to become clear to you." Sigma said with a smile in his eyes.

Malokeh watched the entire exchange. The Doctor looked on solid footing now. He would need to be. They were only halfway through.

"Did you two have a nice nap?" Malokeh asked with a laugh.

"Why yes we did." the Doctor said. "Why are River and Rory all bruised?"

"Doctor. Their muscles went spasmodic from the shock. The bruises are natural. Both of their nervous systems went into electric overload. Rory's heart went into a short atrial fibrillation episode. We shocked it back into normal rhythm.

River's hearts are fine but her lungs stopped for a while. Both of their brains reacted by going into a deep sleep. When River's lungs started shutting down we medically induced a coma. It helped us put her temporarily on heart/ lung bypass. We took her off about an hour ago."

"When did this all happen?"

"About forty five minutes after you two linked. Doctor, as I explained before, electricity does whatever it wants to the body. One can only deal with the damage."

"Are they.., can River still.." the Doctor was tripping over his own tongue.

Sigma focused on the Doctor. He was stable. This was just normal stress, for the moment. Yes, the Doctor could go into another episode. Sigma knew that. The Doctor was still healing. It would take time.

"Breathe Doctor." Sigma said.

The Doctor closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. Malokeh gave a questioning look to Sigma. Sigma calmed Malokeh with his look.

"I will tell you when we should worry. I promise." Sigma whispered.

Malokeh smiled in response and launched into his answer for the Doctor.

"Yes, Doctor they will both fully heal. There should be no lasting damage. Both River and Rory will be a bit weak and very sore for a while. That is to be expected. River can use her body." Malokeh stopped.

"Malokeh?" the Doctor asked.

"If River is in her body, who is in the Library core?" Malokeh asked.

"River."

"There is two of them?" Malokeh shrugged. "When we go back to the Library what is going to happen when we "reload" her?"

Sigma jumped to explain.

"If I may Doctor."

The Doctor nodded.

" We will bring River to the Library with all the monitors. We will place the security interface near her body? Doctor does the device have to be touching her or not?"

"I don't know yet. Sigma would it get in the way?"

"Doctor?"

"River has heard your song. Can she just follow you?"

"I do not know. We can check. Malokeh, is River stable enough for her and I to link?"

"Let's see how she is doing." Malokeh stated as he walked back to River and Rory's room.

Malokeh walked into their room and quietly started checking monitors. Rory was still in a deep sleep. So was Amy. Malokeh turned Rory's hands over. He had second and third degree burns from his palms to his elbows. Both arms were looking good. He lifted the sheets to check his feet. Rory had completed the circuit grabbing the halo. The electricity went from the halo, to Rory's arms, to the balls of his feet. He would be limping for a while. Malokeh put the sheet back over Rory and covered Amy with a blanket.

He headed over to River's bed. Her eyes were starting to swell and go a bit black and blue. In River's case her head completed the circuit. Thankfully, her Time Lady DNA saved her. Her brain only had about 10 seconds of 10 percent of the power surge. Still her Cerebral fluid heated way over the brain's preferred temperature. Adrenaline had kept Rory and her going in the TARDIS. Nothing more. They were both safe here. River's essence was safe in the Library's core. Neither of them were going anywhere anytime soon.

"Malokeh?"

"Sorry, Sigma. You can try to reach her. If she shows any major stress I will tap your shoulder so you can come out. Understand?"

"Understood."

The Doctor got a chair for Sigma to sit on. Sigma sat on River's right side and searched for a contact point that wouldn't hurt her. Sigma cupped River's face and leaned against the bed rail. Malokeh and The Doctor watched as Sigma's eyes fluttered shut.

_"River? It is Sigma. Where are you? "_

River's brain was very foggy. Too much pain. Sigma spoke in a dream like voice:

"Malokeh. She needs more pain medication. Can't see in here. Cut the pain then the fog disappears."

The Doctor frowned. River was helpless and they were blindly trying to fix her. River couldn't speak. Sigma was her only voice now. Malokeh did what he could. Too much was just as dangerous as too little.

"Sigma. She should start feeling better." Malokeh quietly said.

"Thank you." Sigma dropped back into River.

"River. That should help. Where are you?"

As the fog cleared Sigma gasped. Her memory was mostly empty. The neural relay caught most of her. Sigma started opening doors. He knew that part of her remained. River's base personality. He was asking for the wrong person.

"Melody? Are you in here? Don't be afraid. I'm a friend. I'm here to help."

Sigma could see that her mind was disorganized. The Doctor's mind was built like a village. Each version had their own cottage. He was the same man just different aspects of his personality would take charge, one at a time. River/Melody was never shown how to organize her mind.

The Doctor had obviously worked some with her. Some doors were unlocked. Easy access. Some were modeled after bank vaults. In River's race to survive all vaults were flung open. The contents were mostly drained. Someone was in here. Someone was talking in the TARDIS. Sigma was looking in the vaults. The remnants were scattered. The memories contained within were not the Silence training. Something much more dangerous.

Sigma picked up a piece of film. It sprang to a vision. Sigma saw young Melody, cold, alone, starving. She had run away from the Silence. Sigma sat on the floor of the vault watching horrific visions of neglect and all types of abuse spring to life before his eyes. It was amazing that Melody survived at all. Never mind become Mels then River. Sigma would make a point to talk to River to see if he could help at all. Hopefully, before she got reloaded. He wanted to give her a good start to the rest of her life. Sigma was lost in thought when he felt someone behind him.

"Who are you? What happened to River?" the voice was young and hysterical.

"Hello, Melody. I'm a friend of River's." Sigma said.

Sigma felt something hard and cold being lightly pressed to the back of his head.

"Malokeh? What's going on?" the Doctor said.

Malokeh quickly looked at the monitors.

"I do not know. River's body is going into a panic. We need to get Sigma out of there."

"I don't like this but Sigma needs time to work."

"OK, Doctor. I trust your judgment." Malokeh replied.

"I don't know you! How are you here? Where is River?" Melody screamed.

Sigma drew a deep breath and focused his mind.

"Melody you do know me. Listen."

Sigma filled the empty space with Ood song.

"May I turn around?" Sigma asked.

"Sure." Melody said a bit calmer.

Sigma turned around to stare down the barrel of a Colt 45. The hands holding it were no more than six years old.

"Melody, you do not need the gun. I won't hurt you."

"You were the one that sang to me in the TARDIS?"

"Yes I was. I'm here to help. What happened?" Melody paced in front of him.

"Anita was eaten by those shadows. River got sad then cross. Then she punched out Pretty boy. I told her she shouldn't have punched him. He hadn't done anything wrong. River told me she had to hurt him to save him."

"Pretty boy?"

"Younger version of River's boyfriend. Then River told me to handcuff him to a pole and get his sonic away from him. River disappeared for a few minutes. I gave him a kiss where River had punched him. I don't know if he felt it. I hope he did. I told him that I wouldn't hurt him."

Sigma could see Melody get very nervous. Sigma patted the floor in front of himself. Melody sat down.

"Please continue."

"River came back and took me to my room. She said I should try to take a nap. Also, that everything was going to be OK. River said she figured out what was making the Doctor cry a few nights before. She was going to fix it. I said I didn't believe her."

"Why didn't you believe her?"

"Because River hardly ever cries."

"What was she crying about?"

"She said she was scared. Whatever made the Doctor cry was also making River cry. I reminded her that we promised each other that we would handle the scary stuff together."

Sigma could see Melody start tearing up.

"What happened next."

"I started thinking something really bad was going to happen. What else was I supposed to think? Two people who hardly ever cry were so scared it made them cry. That made me scared."

Malokeh and the Doctor were obsessively looking at the monitors. River's body was coming down, somewhat, from the panic state. All the Doctor's alarm bells were going off. He would have liked to pull Sigma out but Sigma was in too deeply. Sigma would be seriously injured if he pulled out to quickly.

"River is agitated but stable, Doctor. She will be fine for the moment."

The Doctor nodded in response. So he sat down next to the bed. He closely watched both River and Sigma's face. Malokeh went to check on Rory and Amy.

"How are they?"

"Fine. They are still both deeply asleep."

"Good."

The Doctor leaned on the bed rail and closed his eyes. Malokeh smiled and hoped he had a nice nap. He left the room for a few minutes. Malokeh was casually talking to a few of the Sisters when he heard the Doctor's voice.

"River? No, no it is OK."

Malokeh hurried back in the room. The Doctor had lowered the bed rail and was sitting on the bed.

"Doctor?"

"I don't know what happened. She just started crying. She seems really scared also."

Malokeh saw the Doctor take her left hand and start drawing on the palm.

"What are you doing?"

"Telling her I'm here and that everything will be OK."

"Gallaferian?"

"Yes." The Doctor smiled. "Good eye."


	15. Revelations

 

Malokeh noticed that River was calming. A deep breath from Sigma announced his arrival back into his body. River's face started to get a small smile on it. Sigma disconnected himself from River and opened his eyes.

"Melody said to stop making her laugh." Sigma's eyes were smiling.

The Doctor smiled and said "Never."

Melody responded by squeezing the Doctor's fingers tight.

"Oww. OK. OK." the Doctor said as he reclaimed his fingers from River's grasp.

"She also said she wants her Dream Dog back."

The Doctor looked confused.

"Doctor, did you ever travel with someone named Izzy?"

The Doctor thought quietly for a moment. Malokeh watched him back up from the bed a few paces and then pale out.

"Sigma, what did you see?"

"Doctor?"

"Please, Sigma."

"I saw rolling grain as far as the eye could see. I saw a small farmhouse. I saw a young human female. She was carrying a small child. She was calling for "Doctor". The child was beaten and bruised and unconscious."

"Izzy was in a panic. She had found the girl in the barn. Izzy couldn't wake her up." the Doctor whispered.

"I...had you. I didn't...know. I am so sorry."

The Doctor stopped and shivered.

"Melody couldn't sleep because of night terrors. Horrible, screaming night terrors. She would come up swinging."

The Doctor sat on the edge of Melody's bed and stopped to laugh. A laugh laced with dark bitterness. The Doctor gently grabbed Melody's hand.

"Melody, keep your eyes closed. Please." Malokeh said.

"Ok. Malokeh."

"You gave me quite a shiner one night." the Doctor said as he touched the end of her nose. He got a little laugh from Melody for that.

"I had never met a child so weary of everything. You couldn't touch her without her flinching. Melody kept saying the spacemen were coming for her. It didn't make any sense. She was all of maybe six years old. Izzy and I kept her constantly near us. It took a week but she started feeling a bit better. Izzy and the TARDIS came up with a sparkling doll of a dog. Izzy presented the doll to her and said it was a Dream Dog."

"You said it...would chase the bad dreams away." Melody quietly said.

"It did. Doctor. The Dog helped." Melody said.

Melody opened her eyes anyway. She needed to see him.

"Why did you... leave?" the Doctor's voice cracked but his eyes were clear.

"Kovarian was right behind me. They reached the farm the day after I left. I couldn't endanger you and Izzy." Melody explained.

"We looked for you."

"I told you not to. Didn't you read the note?"

"I did but that did not matter."

"Melody? Is that you?" Amy said.

"Yes, Mum."

Amy crawled into the bed with Melody and snuggled next to her.

"Hi Mum. How are you?"

"Your awake and talking. I'm wonderful."

Amy kept herself together. Melody was barely there. Melody didn't need any emotional shocks. The Doctor stood up and looked to the other bed. Rory was quietly sitting up.

"Doctor, you didn't know. You fixed me. You and Izzy saved me from the Silence for a while. For that I thank you. Please don't tell River. She said that if you ever found out you would... over react."

"Don't worry about River. I'll give her a talking to. She should have never held all of this from us. You were right to tell us." Rory said sternly.

"Don't yell at her. She didn't know what else to do."

"I will not get cross. She just has to.. We are her parents."

" Thanks Dad."

The Doctor carried Rory over to Melody's bed. Rory snuggled into the bed. Melody never felt so safe and protected. She was back asleep in ten minutes followed quickly by Amy and Rory.

"Doctor do not blame yourself for this." Sigma said. "Look at that. That is the family that you brought together. You are a part of that. Yes, you all need a bit of therapy. I'm here for that. Now, for once, just be happy."

The Doctor tried to respond. Nothing was coming out. Malokeh just spun him around into a hug. The Doctor couldn't hold it all in. He was quiet and mostly composed. In a few moments Malokeh looked at Sigma and said:

"Mammals, what are you going to do with them?" Malokeh said with a laugh.

The Doctor gave Malokeh a few quick, light punches to his ribs. Then lifted his head off of Malokeh's shoulder.

"My wife wants her Dream Dog back. I better get looking."

The Doctor disappeared into the TARDIS. The TARDIS never moved. In five minutes the Doctor walked out with the Dream Dog and a stuffed toy Giraffe. He was also in a loose sweat outfit.

"You never left?" Sigma questioned.

"Sexy remembered and made me a new one. I'm afraid that if I left something would happen."

The Doctor set the dog in Melody's hands.

"What is that Doctor?" Malokeh asked.

The Doctor climbed into Rory's bed and snuggled in.

"My Dream Giraffe. I figured if it worked for her it should work for me. I am exhausted. Couldn't hurt to try." the Doctor said shyly.

"Sweet dreams Doctor." Sigma said.

Sigma and Malokeh darkened the room and left with smiles.


	16. This and That

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Izzy was a companion of the Eighth Doctor. Check the TARDIS index for more information.

 

Two Days had passed since River's rescue. Melody and Rory were healing well. With all the advances in medicine The Sisters, The Doctor and Malokeh were able to make them comfortable. The one thing that they couldn't speed up was their bodies natural healing cycle.

"Ok. Melody you have to do this. I took a bath. It didn't hurt...that much." Rory stated.

"Dad, listen. I took a bath. See we are even." Melody said with a huff.

"Honey, don't you want to get all that goop out of your hair? I will be really gentle. I

promise." Amy said.

"Mom. My head hurts. It was flash fried and then shaved."

The TARDIS objected to that. Melody went to the TARDIS and kissed her side.

"I didn't mean it like that. Without you I would be dead. I owe you for the rest of my life."

The TARDIS did her best to act angry but couldn't. She was humming in about a minute.

"We can give you a bit more pain meds." Malokeh said.

"No. I want to come out of this haze not go back into it." Melody stated.

The Doctor was trying not to laugh. He understood where River's sass came from now.

"Wife, just do it. It will make you feel better."

"Hubby, no."

"Please, pretty please." The Doctor said with his best Bambi eyes.

* * *

Back in the Library:

"Dr. Moon the phone is ringing." CAL said.

River, in the next room, ran in all smiles.

"Are they back?"

Dr. Moon waved them both off.

"Hello?"

Dr. Moon held the receiver away from his ear. Everyone could hear the shouting coming from it. Dr. Moon looked at River with annoyance. River threw up her hands and left the room. She would have given up dealing with anything today until she heard:

"She DIED to save your Library, Lux!"

River didn't listen to the rest. She needed to send a warning out.

* * *

Back at the hospital:

"I told you not to make her laugh." Malokeh said.

"I don't understand. Why does she keep passing out?" Rory asked.

"Rory your daughter is barely here. River has most of your daughter's essence with her. Melody is functioning but any strong emotion seems to cause her to blank out." Sigma stated.

"When we get back to the Library, she will be better. Especially after she merges."  
Sigma finished.

Amy took this as a good time to wash the golden mane that sat atop her daughter's  
head. It was sneaky but it mostly worked. Melody woke up in the middle of the second wash.

"Mum? What the..!"

"Just calm down. I'm almost done." Amy stated.

"Doctor I just had a weird dream. Check your psychic paper." Melody calmly stated.

The Doctor pulled the psychic paper from his pocket and frowned at the message.

"Well don't keep it a secret. What does it say?" Amy asked.

"Rabid Lux coming. Three days. Hurry?" The Doctor pocketed the paper and smiled.

"Guess someone checked their messages."


	17. Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors Note:This is all Eyes. At her angesty best.

 

 

* * *

"Now and then, every once In a very long while, every day in a million days, when the wind stands fair and the doctor comes to call... everyone lives..."

He stood, deep in though against the wall watching his beautiful wife tuck in the children that would have been theirs. He had tried to avoid looking at them but as River held out her hand to draw him closer, he found that he couldn't resist. He took her outstretched hand and turned his attention to it in an effort to avoid looking for just a little bit longer. He turned it over in his hands and gently traced the lines on her palm with his finger. He gently lift end it to his mouth and kissed it before finally looking down at the three little children snuggled up in their beds.

The second he lay eyes on them, he knew he was doomed. Such beautiful, fragile little creatures they were and as he watched them breath deeply in their slumber, a part of his heart he had long thought dead swelled with love and happiness. These were his children. Their children.

He reached out his hand and with tears in his eyes, gently stroked each of their foreheads. How could he leave these wonderful little beings now that he had seen them? He knew they couldn't come with him out of the database because they were created in here, generated using what was known of both he and River. They were real only in here. And what's more, in here they would never die...

Tearing his gaze away from the children, his children, he looked around the room. It was painted TARDIS blue with constellations, planets and stars painted on the walls and ceiling, Rivers doing no doubt, and the whole place just felt like home. It was a feeling he hadn't known since the dreadful day he became the only one of his kind. Was it really all that important to leave here? To go back to all that pain and misery and danger? He was tired, oh so tired. Tired of people leaving him, tired of the pain and danger, tired of being responsible for the whole damn universe! Surely he deserved this one thing after all he had done in his long existence. Surely the universe could get along just fine without him.

It would be easy really. With his mind and soul in the data core, his body was empty, the only reason it was still alive was because of his Time Lord respiratory system being put on autopilot before he left. His body was essentially on life support and the longer he stayed in here, the more dangerous it was. He wasn't meant to spend more that five minuets in here if he wanted to come back alive and he was pushing it now. If he stayed any longer then his body would simply begin to shut down and he would be free to stay in here forever, safe with his wife and children. His wife and children that could never be harmed and could never be killed. He turned back to River, mind full of a hundred wonderful possibilities.

"We could always just stay you know. We could stay and live here. I'd take the children out every morning on long walks in the park. You'd tell us not to get muddy but of course we would. I'd teach them to climb up trees and skim pebbles on the pond. We'd feed ducks to! Love ducks I do. Then we'd come home and all cuddle on the couch. I'd tell you all stories from Gallifrey and we'd teach them to speak and write it. I...I wouldn't be the last one left anymore...I wouldn't be alone"

He trailed off, a lone tear slipping down his face. Oh how he wanted that! He wanted it so bad. River gently sat at the end of one of the beds and patted the space next to her. Being ever so careful not to wake the children up, he joined her and buried his face in her beautiful hair as he pulled her into his embrace.

"I know how hard this is to hear right now sweetie, but we have to leave. I want that too, more than anything, but shush and listen"

And he heard it, ever so faintly at first, but it grew louder the harder the concentrated.

"Doctor! Doctor please wake up, please come back! You can't leave us now, we need you, the universe needs you! You promised you'd be back and that you'd bring River. Please don't keep me waiting again, I don't want to wait anymore. We lo..RORY! Rory he's stopped breathing! Help him!"

He listened with tears in his eyes as Amy begged him to come back, and he heard both her and Rory try to get him breathing again. He'd already stayed too long, he needed to decide now before the option was taken away from him.

Why did this have to be so hard! Why did he always have to choose between what he had to do and what he wanted to do! He wanted to tear his hair out and punch the walls with the unfairness of it all.

More tears falling from his eyes he stood up and walked around to where his first child lay. He pushed her hair back from her forehead, it was blonde and tightly curled like her mothers, and gently pressed a kiss to it. He did this to each of them before turning back to his wife, taking her hand and nodding.

He would return.


	18. and Reality

 

The Doctor fell back into his body. The first thing he felt was a rhythmic crushing weight on his chest. He tried to scream for them to stop. His vocal cords were not working yet. He couldn't draw a full breath. Malokeh thought he felt something.

"Stop! Everyone hands off him!" Malokeh screamed.

"Did he make it out in time?" River appeared behind Rory.

Malokeh pried open his eyes and shone a light in them. The pupils responded.

"He is back." Sigma stated calmly. "Doctor? Can you hear me?"

The Doctor slowly opened his eyes. He was laid out on the floor. Hard to do CPR when your patient is in a chair. His shirt had been torn open. He had sensors stuck over his chest. The security interface, his way in and out of the core, was on his stomach. He looked left and saw a defibrillator.

"You were going to use that on me?" the Doctor asked, slightly horrified.

"Sorry, Doctor. You didn't leave us much choice." Malokeh said.

"You were supposed to be in for a few minutes!" Amy screamed.

River gathered up Amy before she could do any damage to the Doctor.

"Mum. We have to talk." River said as she lead Amy into another room.

Rory looked down at the Doctor and sighed.

"What happened Doctor?" Rory said quietly.

"I almost chose the wrong dream." the Doctor whispered.

Malokeh and Sigma backed off and went to check on River and Amy.

"They need to talk." Sigma whispered to Malokeh.

Rory laid on his stomach facing the Doctor.

"Tell me. What happened." Rory said.

The Doctor took a stabilizing breath and began.

* * *

" I'm sorry Mum. I wasn't adjusting well to being locked in the core."

" River, Dr. Moon said he couldn't keep up with you." Amy said gently.

" I kept busy but it wasn't enough. The core gave me three children that..."

* * *

"were a beautiful mix of River and I. I took one look at them and lost myself."

The Doctor's eyes glazed over as he finished.

"I will never fault you for that. I was all adrenalin getting baby Melody. Then when I presented her to Amy, I broke. It just kind of happens." Rory shrugged.

* * *

"So, he wandered in when I was reading them a story about him." River stopped.

"What's the matter River?"

Amy gathered her in a hug. Amy could feel River sniffling a bit on her shoulder.

"He looked so happy Mum. I told him we had to leave, it wasn't real."

* * *

"I know it wasn't real Rory but I didn't care. It was perfect."

Rory sat up and just rubbed his back.

"I now know why you wanted that dream with Amy to be true." The Doctor said with a breaking voice.

* * *

"It's OK honey. It was a coping mechanism." Amy said.

"I suppose so." River mumbled into her shoulder.

* * *

"Doctor, look at me." Rory said softly.

Rory slowly turned the Doctor's head. He smiled at the Doctor.

"If this works." Rory stopped to wipe the tears from the Doctor's eyes. "You can try to make that dream real."

* * *

"River. Just focus on getting back into your body." Amy stated.

"Yes, Mum." River said as she gave her Mom a kiss.

"Your welcome, River." Amy just shook her head.

Rory saw River and Amy come bouncing out into the room. He and the Doctor were checking over the flesh vat for Charlotte.

"Everything working Sweetie?" River asked.

" As far as I know. Why?" the Doctor answered.

He was scanning the flesh with his sonic and didn't get the meaning. River turned and smiled at Amy.

"Can I see?" River purred and grabbed him around the waist.

The screech that came out of the Doctor was amazing. The Doctor could hear all four of his companions laughing. He bent down and placed his head on the flesh vat.

"Get back in there and get Charlotte ready before you give me a dual heart attack."

The Doctor tried to sound cross but was giggling to hard. River blew him a kiss and disappeared.

"That daughter of yours needs to carry a warning label." the Doctor said.

"That is the nicest thing you've ever said to me, Sweetie."

River's voice came from the core. It sounded like she was talking through a tunnel. River walked into the house that Charlotte and her shared. Everyone was in the living room.


	19. CAL retires from the Library

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: The next two "Rebirths" were written to and inspired by "Bright Eyes" by Art Garunkel. Also Babelcolour Tribute: River Song with the song "Falling through Time" by Asher Quinn (Asha). I seriously recommend watching the video. Warning: because of the mentioned media I was properly tearing up writing this. So it gets fluffy.

 

"Are you sure you are OK with taking over?" Charlotte asked.

"We have discussed this." Anita said.

"You saved us CAL." Evangelista added.

"Without you we would be truly dead." Proper Dave answered.

"We have have a type of immortality. The least we can do is look after your Library." Dave said.

"But the Library will be opening again. Lots of beings. Lots of terminal access. Beings get lost easily in here. It can occasionally make you crazy." Charlotte said.

Dr. Moon called Charlotte over to his chair.

"CAL. We will be OK."Dr. Moon gave her a big hug. Then a thought struck him.

"CAL are you scared of leaving?"

Charlotte turned towards River. Unable to make eye contact with Dr. Moon. River could see she was struggling. River knelled and Charlotte grabbed onto her for all her sat down and put Charlotte in her lap. Charlotte was shaking and crying a little.

"You don't have to go. Remember, the Doctor said it was up to you." Dr. Moon said as he came over to CAL and River.

"I want to see what(sniff) life is like out there. But I'm going to miss everybody. Especially you Dr. Moon."

Charlotte jumped out of River's lap and wrapped her arms around Dr. Moon. Dr. Moon just rocked her.

"You did everything for me. I wouldn't have survived without you. I can never pay you back. Not in a thousand lifetimes." Charlotte said through a child's sobs.  
Dr. Moon put her in a chair and knelled in front of her.

"CAL I'm going to miss you terribly. I would never forgive myself if you didn't try living life outside of this library. So please, try it. For me."

Dr. Moon's cheerful voice convinced her.

"You can always come back and visit." Evangelista added.

"So I will never be too far away." Charlotte said.

"Yes, CAL." Dr. Moon said.

"Shall we try this then?" River asked.

"Yes, please." Charlotte said as she headed for the front door. " Would you all like to watch?"

"We would love to CAL."

The group made their way to the lawn of the University. The entrance point to the core.

"I will go tell them you are ready to try." River said as she disappeared.

"Sweetie, Charlotte is ready." River announced.

"Good. Sigma, Malokeh are you two ready?"

"Yes Doctor."

Sigma was seated in a chair at the head of the flesh vat. Malokeh and the Doctor were on either side to monitor Charlotte's entry. Amy and Rory were behind Sigma to watch and help if needed.

"What should I tell Charlotte?"

"River go back into the core and stand by Charlotte. I will follow your essence and appear before you. Then we will take it from there." Sigma said.

River nodded and disappeared. Sigma stood up and shook all the tension out of his body.

"Good luck Sigma." Rory said.

"Thank you all."

Sigma closed his eyes and focused on River. It was easy to follow her because they had been linked. It left an imprint in his mind. Their was no computer. Their was no Library. Their was just River.

"Catch him!" the Doctor yelled.

Amy and Rory both grabbed Sigma before he hit his head on the flesh vat. The Doctor was scanning him.

"I think he made it in." Malokeh said.

"His body is stable, for the moment." the Doctor added.

Sigma opened his eyes and was standing on grass. He beheld River and Charlotte. Behind them were the two Daves, Anita, Evangelista and Dr. Moon.

"Welcome to the Library Core Ood Sigma." Dr. Moon said as he extended a hand in greeting.

"Thank you. It is beautiful in here."

" I like to think so." Dr. Moon said as he smiled.

Sigma turned his attention to Charlotte."Are you ready to go?"

"One minute Sigma."

Charlotte gave all of them one last hug.

"I'm now ready to go Sigma."

"Charlotte give me your hands and close your eyes." Sigma said.

"Do you hear singing?"

"Yes, I do."

Everyone was watching CAL and Sigma. Proper Dave opened his mouth to ask a question but River put a finger to his lips to keep him quiet. They all nodded that they understood.

"Concentrate on the singing. Let it wrap around you like a blanket."Charlotte took a minute to answer.

"Yes." she sounded like she was sleeping.

"Charlotte follow the singing."

Sigma closed his eyes and started heading back to his body. He could feel Charlotte right behind him. Rory could feel Sigma's body start to move a bit.

"Doctor. I think he is coming back out."

"That is good. Don't let him fall."

"I won't Doctor."

Amy and Rory shared a smile. The Doctor was always himself when he was fussing over others. Malokeh and the Doctor focused on the vat of flesh. Sigma settled back into his body. Now he had to get Charlotte into hers.

"Charlotte climb into this bed."

Sigma's voice had returned. His eyes were still closed. He could see Charlotte gently stepping into the vat of flesh. Sigma kept the illusion up. Charlotte was responding well to it.

"Can you tuck me in Sigma?"Charlotte's voice seemed to float in the air above the vat.

"I can hear her." Amy whispered.  
The Doctor nodded in agreement.

"I would be happy to Charlotte. Sleep well." Sigma passed his hands over the vat.

Sigma saw Charlotte snuggle into the flesh and go to sleep. Malokeh and the Doctor started scanning. Nothing happened for a minute then the flesh started moving. Sigma opened his eyes and saw Charlotte's form start to take shape. It took about a minute for her body to form. Soon their was a fully, formed Charlotte in the laid a blanket over her.

"Should we wake her up yet?" Amy asked.

"Not quite yet." the Doctor answered.

"Sigma, is she settled in?" Malokeh asked.

Sigma laid his hands on her head and closed his eyes again.

"Charlotte, are you ready to wake up?" Sigma asked.

"Yes, Sigma."

Sigma opened his eyes and looked down at Charlotte.

"Charlotte open your eyes."

Charlotte opened her eyes and frowned.

"Charlotte what is the matter?" Malokeh asked.

"It is all fuzzy. I can't focus."

"Turn over on your back and close your eyes."

"Yes Doctor."

It took a moment but she rolled over. The Doctor took a warm, wet cloth and wiped her eyes and face.

"Try again."

The Doctor watched as Charlotte slowly opened her eyes and smiled at Malokeh and him.

"Hi."

"Hello Charlotte." Malokeh answered.

"How do you feel?" Sigma asked.

"Different. It has been a long time since I had a body." Charlotte said.

"Do you hurt anywhere?" Amy asked.

"I don't think so, Amy. Can I sit up?"

" Sure just don't go to fast. You might get dizzy." Rory said.

Charlotte could feel the coolness of the vat on her skin. She pushed herself up and leaned against the back of the vat. She was moving herself around feeling her new body out. Malokeh was watching the monitors. The smile on his face told everyone that things were going well.

"Charlotte, remember I said I would have to scan you?"

"Yes, Doctor."

"Can I do that now?"

Charlotte nodded yes. The Doctor was silently asking the Universe that she not turn into a puddle of goo. The Doctor knew if her body could stand up to his sonic than nothing that anyone knew of could destabilize her. He pointed his sonic at her and started scanning. Nothing happened for 10 seconds then Charlotte started squirming around.

"Are you OK Charlotte?" Malokeh asked.

"Yes I just feel... weird."

"OK. I'm going to go to full power."

The Doctor's sonic sprang open and continued scanning. He could immediately see what was happening. Charlotte's eyes crinkled around the edges and she started to laugh. Malokeh looked up from his scans and smiled.

"Charlotte?"

"Doctor. That.." she was searching for the word " tickles!" Charlotte said as she curled up into a ball laughing.

The Doctor pocketed his sonic and laid his hand on her back.

"I wasn't expecting that. It is better than anything else I can think of as a reaction."

Amy had been busy behind their backs. She walked up to the vat with a bundle of clothes.

"Excuse me. All of you guys go over there for a moment."

Amy pushed them all away. River joined her at the vat. The men gathered around a library console to check all the readings.

"Doctor. That was a very weird reaction. I don't understand. Normally, your sonic dissolves the flesh." Rory asked.

" Actually my sonic vibrates the flesh till it can not hold together anymore. Malokeh, Sigma did you see or sense anything that could become damaging when she was laughing?"

"No Charlotte was at peace and then her brain started responding to something between tingling and an itch. Then she started laughing."Sigma stated.

"That is pretty much what I saw while monitoring her. Her cells showed no stress at all." Malokeh said. "Rory. The simplest explanation is that the structure of the flesh interpreted the vibrations from the Doctor's sonic as a gargalesis reaction."

"Gargalesis?" Rory asked.

"It is the scientific word for" the Doctor lightly poked Rory in the side. Rory jumped and squeaked a bit.

"Oh. OK. Got it." Rory said nodding.

Amy and River got down to practical matters with Charlotte.  
"What would you like to wear Charlotte? I have jeans with a nice blouse and sneakers."

Amy held up the outfit.

"OK."

"Or you can be really comfy. A nice snugly, fuzzy polar bear pajamas"

"Yes, Amy yes." Charlotte said happily.

"Complete with" Amy stepped back " polar bear slippers!"

Charlotte nearly jumped out of the vat. River came around and hugged Amy tightly.  
"River?"

River lifted her head and whispered: " Thanks for being such a great Mum."

"Your welcome Sweetie. You make me want to be a great mother."

Amy kissed her and looked deep into her eyes. It was understood that between them there was much loss and hurt. Neither could erase any of the past. All they could do was get on with life and cherish the moments they had. Occasionally, they got sappy at weird moments. They just let them happen.

"Hey, are you ladies done yet. We have work to do." The Doctor fired from across the room.

Charlotte smiled and handed Amy and River one sneaker each. The sneakers quickly went whizzing by the Doctor's head.

"That could have hit you two!" the Doctor barked.

"My aim must be off. Sorry sweetie." River said.

Laughter quickly consumed all three ladies.

"You wanted both of them together. In the same time line." Rory said through a laugh.

"I must be getting delusional in my old age." The Doctor said with a wonderful smile.

"You gentlemen are allowed back over here." Amy announced.

"You look very comfortable. Polar bears and all." Rory said.

"Thank you Rory."

"How are you feeling Charlotte?" Malokeh asked scanning her as he asked.

"I'm doing good. I guess. Do the scans look alright?"

"Yes they do Charlotte. Do you feel like moving a bit?"

"Yes, Malokeh."River and Amy backed off a bit. They just wanted to observe. Sigma joined them.

"Are you two doing well?"

"Yes, we are. Is Charlotte going to make out OK, Sigma?" Amy asked.

"River, Amy she is an eight year old genius with a new body. I would say she is doing fabulous. She is just excited."

"Thanks." Amy said.

"Mum. Look."

River's eyes were locked on Charlotte. The Doctor was lifting her up to stand.

"Steady Charlotte. Your legs OK?" Rory asked as he supported her from behind.

"Good, Rory."

"Next step. You ready?"

"Yes Doctor."

River saw Charlotte throw her arms around the Doctor's neck. The Doctor lifted her out of the vat and swung her around till she was standing about five feet from the vat. Charlotte let out a few giggles during the swing. The Doctor held her hands as she took her first tentative steps. Rory was a few steps behind to catch her should she fall.

"Charlotte, how are you doing?" Malokeh asked.

"Just fine. My legs are a bit wobbly, though."

"So are many other creatures when they are born. Your body is learning to move again. You are doing brilliantly." Rory stated.

"Charlotte. I am going to let go of one hand at a time. You just keep walking. Understand?"

"Yes, Doctor."

River watched as he let her right hand go. Charlotte found her balance quickly. The Doctor was watching her feet and Rory was watching her. The group was just in front of River and Amy when the Doctor released her other hand. Charlotte wobbled a bit but caught herself. She continued to walk framed by the Doctor and Rory.

While River was watching Charlotte, Amy and Sigma were watching River. Amy could almost read River's face. She looked blissfully happy. River's eyes shone with a thousand visions. Her smile was radiant. Amy knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that The Silence had not crushed all of River's dreams.

"River you are projecting." Sigma whispered in her ear.

River came out of her trance with a blush and a giggle.

"Sorry, Sigma."

Sigma grasped River's hands and looked deep into her eyes.

"Don't apologize River. Your soul was singing. I could hear it. It was beautiful. Thank-you."

Sigma wasn't the only one who heard River. The Doctor's concentration had lapsed for just one moment. River's essence was suddenly around him, again. Instead of pain and confusion all he felt was unbridled happiness. He couldn't focus on anything.

"Doctor are you OK?" Rory said with concern on his face.

"Hmm?"

"Your crying and smiling." Rory stated.

Rory turned around to look at River. His baby girl was luminescent. Sigma was whispering something to her that caused her to laugh. The laugh broke the spell over the Doctor.

"So I am. Sorry."

Rory and Amy exchanged a "what are we going to do with these two" look. They both shrugged and laughed. Charlotte picked up most of what happened. She decided to be a distraction. Charlotte increased her gate and walked back towards Amy, River and Sigma.

"Watch me!"

Charlotte walked without stumbling to River's arms. River embraced her in a bear hug.

"See River. That was easy. Now it's your turn."

River laughed.

"I do believe I'm ready. Shall we do this?"

"Let's." the Doctor said.

 


	20. Puzzle Pieces

 

River stopped walking. She got quiet and stared at the floor.

"River?"

The Doctor turned around when she didn't answer. He walked up to his wife. She had her eyes closed and a hand across her mouth.

"River?" he asked in a whisper.

River looked up at the Doctor with very soft eyes and a loose smile. River put a hand up to stop the Doctor. He nodded and caught her security interface as she disappeared.

"Where did she get off to?" Amy asked.

"She will be back in a moment. Let's bring out Melody. Get everything set up."

The Doctor, Malokeh and Rory dashed into the TARDIS.

"Sigma is River, OK?" Amy asked.

"Amy, I think she just wanted to say goodbye." Charlotte said.

"OK. I guess we can help with Melody." Amy said.

* * *

"River what is wrong?" Dr. Moon asked.

"Nothing. Everything. I wanted to make sure you had a direct line to the TARDIS."

"River, there is nothing you need to say or do." Anita softly said.

"Yes..I "

"Professor Song. Please don't feel guilty. You did nothing wrong. We had a remarkable adventure." Dave offered.

"We aren't even dead. We have quite a job ahead of us." Proper Dave chimed in.

"And lots of exploring to do. So much to study. I have a few decades of learning history ahead of me." Miss Evangelista said flashing River an smile.

"You can always come for a visit. We are not going anywhere." Anita said with a laugh.

Everyone except for River laughed at that. Anita caught the look on River's face. Anita walked over and grabbed River's hands.

"River some birds can't be caged. I know that it should take me a couple of hundred years before I even get remotely bored. OK?"

River was fighting hard not to break. That is what she needed to hear. River looked from one face to the other they all nodded their agreement.

"River. Think about it. You have the harder task." Dr. Moon said.

River looked puzzled. The group smiled and all said:  
"The Doctor. You have to handle him now."

"Yeah, I guess he is my responsibility."  
River stopped and started to laugh.

"Am I allowed to change my mind? I could stay here. Might be safer."

A true belly laugh ran through all of them. Anita and Evangelista guided River to the central lawn and handed her an interface.

"Be back in a moment."

They all hugged and River disappeared. As soon as River disappeared an alarm went off.

"Not now. Please, not now." Dr. Moon sighed.

* * *

River came out and saw her body. She took one look at what she was snuggling and wanted to run.

"River! Rule Seven." the Doctor shouted.

Charlotte walked up to River concerned.  
"River? Are you ok?"

River looked at that beautiful child and knew she couldn't lie. She shook her head no. River closed her eyes and tried to calm herself. She was hugging herself around the waist.

"What is it?" Charlotte whispered.

Before River could answer Dr. Moon appeared behind the Doctor.

"What?"

"Doctor I need CAL."

"Why?"

The look that the doctors exchanged told The Doctor everything. CAL came over to Dr. Moon with a curious look.

"You take care of River. I will handle Lux."

"Thank you."

Dr. Moon gathered up CAL and said: "Time to meet your Grand Nephew."

The Doctor nodded that she could leave. CAL left with Dr. Moon.

Rory walked up to River and lifted her head. Rory saw pure naked fear in her eyes. Fear out of River. Amy was right. Just got the names reversed. Rory thought. River Song was a superhero. Or if you like, a bunker around Melody Pond. Rory looked at his daughter. He saw her whole essence shaking.

_We just blasted that bunker to hell. Now what?_

Rory knew what was coming next. Rory backed into the wall and lifted his daughter's interface. Rory slid down the wall as River buried her head in his chest.

"River it is OK. Daddy's here and I'm not leaving." Rory whispered.

River couldn't speak. River just nodded. Rory rocked River's essence as she shook. Rory was feeling decades of terror and fear spill out of her. All the times she didn't have anyone to comfort her.

"River. You are not alone anymore. You don't have to carry this all by yourself."

"I'm fine. Dad."

"No your not, River. Your hyperventilating." Amy said.

"Yes, your right River. If you lie to yourself, you'll get all better."

"That's just...cruel Doctor." River said breathlessly.

River was still trying to run. Rory could feel her trying to break from his embrace.

"River. The Doctor was correct on the Byzantium and he is correct now." Amy said.

River gathered herself and started thinking.

"How did you know about the Dream Dog? I have never said anything. Doctor, how did you figure it out?" River asked very confused.

"I did not figure out anything. You told me."

"Excuse me?" River was getting aggravated. "I have never breathed a word..."

"No but I did."

River heard her voice coming from her body.

"How is that possible?" River asked as she was starting to stand up.

Rory stayed right behind her as she walked to the bed. River got to the foot of the bed and stared at her own face as her eyes fluttered open. Surreal didn't cover what River was feeling at that moment. River could see her body flashing every emotion she always tried to hide.

"You left me. River. You left me." Melody said as she squeezed the Doctor's hand.

"I did NOT abandon you!" River screamed.

"OK. Then what would you call it! I woke up and just about everything was gone."

River's body was reacting to both Melody's and River's emotional states. Alarms on her monitors started going off. Malokeh shut the sound off but shot the Doctor a very worried look.

"Easy you two. Calm down. Making yourself sick is not going to help." The Doctor said trying to get a handle on the situation.

Melody closed her eyes and started breathing slowly. The monitors started looking a bit more normal.

"I want daddy. Please?" Melody said. Rory didn't quite know what to do. They were both his daughter. They both needed comforting. River turned to her father and whispered "Go." Rory sat down opposite the Doctor as Melody grabbed his hand. The Doctor thought that Melody wanted him to go. He released her hand only to have Melody grab it tighter.

"Melody I will not go anywhere. Clear?"

Melody nodded that she understood. Amy and Sigma were within River's reach. River paced for a few tense moments. Melody finally broke the silence.

"I was confused and in enough pain that I thought we were changing again. But, I knew we couldn't. I opened my eyes and saw daddy telling me it was alright. I kept calling for you. I felt you but you wouldn't answer. I couldn't think straight. I saw mummy, daddy, pretty boy, the Doctor, Malokeh and Sigma. I though I was having a crazy dream. I couldn't find you."

River looked hurt and angry. Amy drew her into a hug as Melody continued.

"Then I got really scared. I couldn't feel you anymore."

Amy could hear River start to softly cry on her shoulder. The sound was coming from River but the tears were falling down Melody's cheeks. River was grabbing her mother tighter. Melody's voice wavered as she continued.

"Then the pain came again. Couldn't think. Couldn't see. Sigma sang me to sleep and I woke up in a hospital."

Melody let go of the Doctor's and Rory's hands and whipped back the sheet.

"River you should look at what happened to you." Amy said.

River held her mother's hand, turned around and gasped.

"And here." Melody said as she lifted her hair up.

"Oh my God. What happened?"

"River you were electrocuted. You actually fared pretty well considering." Malokeh stated.

"Daddy got it too." Melody said quietly.

"Dad?"

River went to her father with a question in her eyes.

"What do you remember, River?" Rory asked.

"You first." River demanded.

Rory rolled up his loose sleeves. His arms were healing well. River could see the outline of the burns.

"River let me explain." Malokeh offered.

After four days of activity was explained in ten minutes, Rory turned to River:  
"Your turn."

River pulled up a chair, sitting backwards so she could lean on the back, and started.

"Sorry, sweetie. I didn't mean to hit you so hard. I had to make sure you were out."

"Listen...me...I put you to sleep because I knew I had to die. You have been through enough. I didn't want to drag you through that also."

"River we promised each other.." Melody squeaked.

"I don't know how to deal with you! Your the reason I have nightmares, pain.."

"Stop! Now!" The Doctor screamed.

"See! She just wants me to go away! I thought we were going to help each other!" Melody screamed.

The Doctor grabbed a hold of Melody's hand and opened his mind. The Doctor knew what was going to happen next.

"You said you loved me, River! Liar! You hate me!"

Melody was hysterical. The Doctor could feel Melody retreat into her mind. Slamming doors behind her. The Doctor desperately tried to keep up but couldn't. He only made it part way in.

_Melody! Please open up. Both you and River need help. Sigma and I can help. But you have to come back out. Please._

The Doctor was beating on what would be the front door to River's mind. He was afraid if he left she would close everything off. He could hear Melody flailing around breaking things.

"Melody, listen to me. This isn't going to help!"

"If she doesn't want me then she can't have any of this either! Let her stay in her computer core! Maybe you should have let me die in that barn. It would have been better."

"Don't say that! Nobody wants you dead! I surely don't." the Doctor shouted as he sat down in front of the door.


	21. Into the Dark

 

The Doctor was frustrated and scared. If Melody locked out everyone, the body that her and River inhabited would be in a coma till she died. River would not be whole and forever locked in the Library's core.

"Why are you still here?" Melody shouted.

"I will not lose both of you."

"Why do I matter? It is River you want."

"You are River. A part of her."

"I am not HER! I wouldn't just leave."

The Doctor could feel a thump on the other side of the door. Melody was leaning against the door. The Doctor felt a tiny bit reassured that Melody would not shut out everyone. He just became lost. He could remember a few of his incarnations despised each other. They were so different that it was always a personality clash.

"Think. Come on think." the Doctor said quietly.

All was quiet for a few moments as the Doctor closed his eyes to concentrate.

"Having some trouble, boy?"

The Doctor looked up to see his first incarnation standing there.

"Hmm?"

Eleven jumped to his feet and hugged the older him. Much to First's objections. First shook Eleven off and touched the door. They needed no words to commune with each other. They were of the same mind just different aspects.

"Melody, are you listening?" Eleven asked.

"Sure."

"I want to introduce you to..the first me." Eleven announced enthusiastically.

"What?"

"Melody I am the first of this strange group. I know it is hard to understand what is going on. It is not your fault."

"Of course it isn't my fault. How could it be my fault?"

"Dam untrained Time Lady mutt." First mumbled.

"Hey!" Eleven shouted as he pulled First away from the door. "That is my...our wife you just insulted."

"Listen boy. Don't ever tell me not to speak the truth. Like it or not, that is what she is."

"Yes, sir." Eleven said as he stepped away. His first incarnation was right but First could be so uncouth at times.

"Young fellow. I want you to go out and get River. Bring her in here while I talk to Melody."

Eleven did not want to leave.

"You best be going, boy." First said with a glare.

"I will be back in a minute." Eleven said.

First watched Eleven phase out of Melody's mind. He knew he had to be gentle. Putting one's mind in order took years to learn and a couple of regenerations to master. First was surprised that Melody/River wasn't more disjointed than The Master was.

"Melody are you still there?"

"Yes.. What do I call you?"

"Just call me Doctor."

"But that is.."

"We are like puzzle pieces. All parts of the same whole."

* * *

"River come over here, please." The Doctor whispers.

"Sweetie, open your eyes."

"I can't. I can not totally come out."

"Why?"

"River." the Doctor growls " Just trust..come here. I need to get you in before Melody changes her mind. It is taking two of me to do this."

Everyone in the room exchanges a strange look. Sigma walks over to the Doctor.

"What can I do?" Sigma asks.

"What does he mean two of him?" Amy asks remembering his breakdown.

Sigma shushes everyone.

"Escort River into her body and I will meet you. Thanks."

"OK River you better get going. Try to work with your younger self." Rory says pleading.

"Dad, Mum it isn't that easy."

"I never said it was, River. I won't even pretend to understand what the two of you are going through. All I know is that both Rory and I have known you for a very long time. We were and still are great friends. I love every part of you.."

"Mother, please!" River screamed.

"No, River" Rory said picking up on Amy's thoughts "I know you had a horrible, insane childhood before we met you. We have had to deal with the fact that we lost you. Left you alone and defenseless. There is nothing that can heal that wound. Nothing! But, please, let us help you..no we are all going to help each other. Group therapy. I don't know what will come up during this."

Rory stopped a moment to collect his thoughts. He went and grabbed River by the shoulders. River could see in her father's eyes all the pain he was inflicting on himself because he couldn't be there for her. She glanced at Amy and saw the same thing. She decided to cut this short before she lost her composure again.

"You are right, Dad. I will handle this carefully. Come on Sigma. Let's do this."

* * *

River hugged her parents and followed Sigma into her body. Eleven was waiting for them.

"River listen Melody is not very happy with you right now. She is insisting that everyone wants her dead. I know that this is no one's fault. All I want is for you to get into your mind. Then we can work it out from there. Clear?"

"Crystal." River growled.

"River. Please work with us here." Sigma said.

River stomped off towards her front door. Eleven and Sigma ran off after her. Following River as close as they could they witnessed a truly bizarre sight. River stopped to yell at them for not keeping up. As River turned around to yell Sigma and Eleven saw Mels ghost through River. The Doctor turned white. Sigma could tell he was truly horrified.

"What just happened?" Sigma asked.

"My wife has two regenerations in one conscious. I was taught that is the worst thing that could happen. They would just lock them away on Gallifrey."

Sigma could see he was ready to break again.

"Time Boy! Move your arse!" River's body with Mels voice stated.

As they wound down the hallways they could hear talking and laughing. River wasn't looking at anything but the door. She nearly ran over the First Doctor getting there.

"Excuse me, young lady." First said.

"Out of my way old man." River fired off before she realized who she was talking to.  
Eleven just cringed. River immediately grabbed for the door handle and pulled with all her might. It didn't budge.

"Open this door now! You little brat!" River screamed.

"You are not going to get in with that attitude." First said.

"I can do whatever I want! This is my brain. " River growled.

"River take a deep breath. A very deep breath." Eleven said.

"Why should I? And who is this guy?"

First looked at Eleven and immediately knew what just happened. First walked over and placed two calming hands on Eleven's shoulders.

_Calm down. One step at a time._

"River, dear I am the original Doctor." First calmly announced.

River turned around and blanched out. Eleven watched as River was rendered dumbfounded.

"Well it seems our tempest has calmed." First said.

River placed her hand over her mouth. Nothing sensible was capable of coming out.

"River, this young fellow called me. Seems you and Melody are having some compatibility issues. Nothing to be ashamed of dear. Second and Third could scarcely breathe each others air. They would only work together if I was watching over them."

"So this is normal?" Melody asked from the other side of the door.

"Yes, young one." First said.

"Now if you two ladies would kindly promise not to kill each other, you can join in peace." First stated.

"River you are still mad at me, aren't you." Melody asked.

"River, dear please answer her." First gently ordered.

"I don't know what to think. You were supposed to be silent." River said quietly.

"River, may I speak to you in private?" First asked.

"Go, River, it is OK. I'll be right here." Eleven said.

"Sigma. Sweetie? Are you still there?" Melody quietly asked.

Eleven paused a moment before answering. Sigma was smiling at him. It was a bit weird hearing Melody refer to him by the nickname River gave him.

"I am right here. Love."

That got a giggle out of Melody.

"How did you deal with all of this? I can not imagine eleven of me running around."

"Melody, on Gallifrey, we had a few decades of classes on how to integrate ourselves. Even then, actually performing what we learned was hard. You learn as you go."

"You two will help?"

"Sigma and I will do everything in our power to give River and you some peace. Always remember you are infinitely stronger when all of you works together. Also, River doesn't hate you. First was telling you the truth when he said a few of me couldn't work together. Drive each other crazy. Yes, all the time. But, hate each other, no. Never. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Doctor. I think I do anyway." Melody quietly answered.

The Doctor greatly relaxed. This might come out fine. Eleven was startled when the door he was resting against moved. He stood up and looked at the small face that peeked through the cracked door.

 

"Hi Melody." both Sigma and the Doctor chimed.

"Hi Doctor. Hi Sigma. Where is River?"

"First and her are talking. This might be a while." Eleven said.


	22. Lux's Eyes Open

 

 

"Is he alone?" Proper Dave asked.

"Yes he is. I have checked the entire planet. It is just himself and his ship." Anita  
answered.

"He was so cross he just ran here by himself." Evangelista stated.

"He would do such a silly thing?" Other Dave asked.

"I've seen much more dangerous acts done by Lux. His anger blinds him." Evangelista shook her head. The looks her companions gave her made her laugh. "Oh, I will definitely tell you all of them."

"We better intercept him before he can do any damage." Anita added.

Lux stood at the main loading dock. It was the closest he could park to where all the life signs were.

"Wait till I get to you Doctor. I never gave you permission to come back to my Library. I don't care who you are. You are trespassing."

Lux grabbed the briefcase that contained all the proper paperwork that would place the Doctor in proper trouble. Lux boarded the tram that transported beings around the planet.

"Does he know that the shadows are gone?" Proper Dave asked.

"No he doesn't. But I don't think he cares either." Evangelista said.

"Where is he headed?" Dr. Moon asked.

"He is coming to you. Dr. Moon." Anita answered.

"Then we can wait for him here. Ok, CAL?"

"Yes, Dr. Moon. I really should be with River. She looked very scared. River comforted me..."

"And you want to return the favor?"

"Yes, Dr. Moon."

Dr. Moon smiled and hugged her.

"You will do yourself, your family and The Library proud. After we do this we will go back to River and the others."

"Thank you." Charlotte smiled. "Shouldn't I hide until you explain everything?"

"Good idea CAL. Hide behind the desk. You can stretch out and make yourself comfy."

Charlotte laughed and laid down behind the desk.

_This desk served as home base for this rescue. Perfect place to meet my Grand_   
_Nephew._

"Here he comes Dr. Moon." Anita announced.

"When should we appear?" Evangelista asked.

"I will signal you." Dr. Moon answered.

Dr. Moon watched as Lux charged through the door.

"Doctor! Where are you! I gave no permission to return to my Library!"

* * *

"Malokeh? What was that?" Amy asked.

"I do believe that bellow came from Lux."

"Great that is all we need to deal with now." Rory moaned.

"Rory, Dr. Moon assured me he would take care of Lux."

"Poor CAL. This is not the best way to meet him." Amy said.

"CAL is a very smart girl. She can defuse Lux."

Rory nodded at Malokeh.

"Anyway, she has Dr. Moon with her. They will be fine. Malokeh what is going on with  
these three?" Rory said as he waved his hands over the bed.

"They are all stable. As to what is going on in there, that is anyone's guess."  
Rory took River's free hand. The Doctor had the other.

"Malokeh. Thank you for everything."

"Rory, I told you I would help. No need to thank me." Malokeh said as he smiled.

"But still ..." Amy said as she bear hugged Malokeh.

 _Mammals. What are you going to do with them?_ Malokeh thought as he hugged Amy.

* * *

"Mr. Lux. How was your trip?" Dr. Moon asked.

"I don't have time for pleasantries, Dr. Moon. Where is he?"

"A few rooms away reuniting his wife with her body."

"He's what! The only one in the core is CAL. Did he damage you? Did he hurt CAL?  
Now he is really going to get it." Lux growled.

"Are you sure of that?"

"Sure of what Dr. Moon?" Lux came over and stared him in the face."He did damage  
you. Didn't he?"

"I told you he is so cross he can't think." Evangelista said.

Lux turned toward the voice.

"You..are...dead." Lux sputtered.

"I guess we really don't exists then." Anita added.

Lux spun around white as a ghost. He was to occupied to hear the giggle coming from behind the desk.

"Charlotte is going to be cross." Proper Dave stated.

"After all that work she did. Pity." Other Dave finished.

They all watched as Lux sat down next to the desk before he fell down.

"I don't understand. How are you all still here?" Lux asked quietly.

"CAL saved them the same way she saved the 4022." Dr. Moon said as he looked down at Lux.

"His wife? Dr. Song? He didn't even know who she was! Her body? She" Lux stopped  
and motioned his hands like he was throwing confetti " poof."

"I think we should try to explain everything to him." Anita said.

"I agree." Dr. Moon said. "CAL would do this best."

"Yes. Let me go talk to CAL. That will make me feel better."

Lux got up to go to the core.

"Where are you going?" Dr. Moon asked.

"You are seriously damaged. Didn't you just hear me?" Lux sighed.

"Nephew. I am right here." Charlotte said as she walked up behind Lux.

"Who was that?"

Lux turned around and froze. His mind couldn't comprehend CAL standing there. Charlotte smiled and took his hand.

"Lux, the Doctor got me out. Gave me a new body and everything. What do you think?"

Charlotte stepped back and twirled in front of him. Lux silently walked forward and stroked her cheek. She was alive, warm and glowing. CAL could see his eyes glaze over.

" Very pretty..."

Lux pulled Charlotte into a hug as he sat down with her on his lap. What Lux couldn't say was conveyed by his laughter and happy tears.

* * *

"I guess the Tin Man just got his heart back." Amy whispered.

"I think he did." Rory said.

Amy and Rory quietly walked back to Malokeh.


	23. The Long and Winding Road

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: This chapter takes place in four theaters of action. They all feed and spark off of each other. The chapter title is taken from the Beatles song. That song truely is the mood of this chapter. Enjoy.

"River, I want you to sit and relax." First gently said.

"Don't need to relax. What do you want?" River tried to be gentle.

"My dear lady, yes you do. We need to talk."

First gently laid his hands on her shoulders. River closed her eyes and loosened up a bit. First decided that she needed a break.

"Close your eyes, my lady."

* * *

"We should just relax till they return." Sigma said.

Sigma sat down cross legged a few feet from the door. Melody and Eleven paced a bit.

"Please, Melody, Doctor, sit." Sigma said as he patted the floor.

"OK." Melody said as she kneeled to sit.

Melody suddenly jumped back up in a panic.

"Melody, what just happened?" Sigma asked.

"River! Where are you!" Melody screamed.

Melody called twice more. No response. Melody lowered her head and fell to her knees.

"She left again! Why is she always leaving?" Melody screamed.

Eleven sighed and went to pick her up. Halfway to Melody he blanked out.

"Doctor?" Sigma asked.

Eleven's eyes clouded over and started to speak in First's voice.

"Do not fret child. River is with me. I will bring her back in a bit."

Eleven collapsed and started beating the floor.

"Sweetie? What's wrong?" Melody whispered.

"He took her into my mind. I am so screwed." Eleven said.

* * *

"River. Open your eyes."

River couldn't possibly take it all in. They were on a trail on the side of a mountain. It was a cool fall day. The leaves were just starting to show their colors.

"This is beautiful. Where are we?" River said in a hushed voice.

"For the moment that is a surprise. I thought you would like to take a ride."

River felt a gentle nudge on her back. She turned and stared into the eyes of a beautiful charcoal and tan American Paint Horse. River turned and saw First mounting a black Belgium Draft.

"Shall we?"

River mounted and started down the trail after the Doctor. They rode in silence for a while. River felt her anger and stress gradually draining away. River was paying attention to the animals that were in the woods they were riding through. The Doctor galloped ahead of her. River caught up to him and looked down at a serene mountain village.

"Welcome to ... All of Me." First proudly announced.

"This is your mind?" River was amazed.

"River, you were created to destroy me. No care was given to you at all. It has taken me a couple of hundred years to just build the Village. All the rest came later. I swear I will do everything in my power to help you. What I can not do Sigma will help with. I have the utmost respect for his abilities."

First could see River tearing up.

"Please say those are happy tears, my lady. It crushes me to see you in pain."

First pulled up next to her and wiped the tears from her eyes.

"They are, Doctor." River gave First a small smile.

"Good because Eleven wasn't the only one to say "I do" on that pyramid."

River's eyes opened wide as the meaning sunk in. The Doctor smiled and galloped towards the village.

* * *

Malokeh watched as Amy and Rory quietly came back into the room.

"What is happening with Lux?"

"I think he is going to need a while to process all of this." Rory stated.

"He is still ready to harm the Doctor?" Malokeh was quite a bit shocked.

"No, No nothing like that." Amy said.

"Wasn't he happy to see Charlotte?"

"Not at first. I don't think he could understand how she was standing in front of him. But once he stopped trying to figure that out, then he could just be happy. I think they will be occupied for a while. Anything from the... super mind blend here?" Rory finished and sat down.

"All I can say is that everyone's brain activity has increased dramatically."

"Rory look at the Doctor's face. Does he look annoyed to you?" Amy asked.

"I can definitely say that he isn't enjoying something." Rory said.

* * *

"Doctor can you not stop him?" Sigma asked.

"No. I trust that what ever he is doing won't make me want to regenerate from embarrassment."

"Can you actually do that?" Melody asked, very concerned.

Sigma let out a short laugh.

"Not really. Felt like it a few times, though." Eleven said with a sigh.

* * *

"What do you need explained to you?" Dr. Moon asked.

Lux was pacing the room.

"Let's start with Dr. Song. What did she do to save you CAL? I'm sorry what would you like to be called?"

"Charlotte. Please."

"Lux I can show you." Dr. Moon said.

"That would be fine."

"Are you sure you want to see this? It is a bit graphic." Dr. Moon asked.

"As you said before Dr. Song died to save this Library. I owe her watching how she did it."

"Ok. Sit and watch the monitor." Dr. Moon said.

* * *

Sigma had gotten everyone calmed again, somewhat. Melody kept bouncing up.

"Melody, come here." Eleven said as he patted the ground next to himself.

Melody sat down and immediately started fidgeting. She kept staring at the door.

"Nervous?" Sigma asked.

"Scared." Melody answered.

Eleven gathered her into his lap.

"One problem at a time, Melody. I just want you to relax. Ok. So close your eyes."

Melody snuggled into the Doctor. She closed her eyes and quieted herself. Eleven looked at Sigma.

"She isn't the only scared one." Eleven whispered.

Sigma nodded in agreement. Eleven did not want to go in. He wanted to be asked to, by River. He closed his eyes and relaxed. Nothing else to do but wait.

* * *

"I tried to warn you." Dr. Moon gently stated.

Dr. Moon could hear him retching inside. Lux came out of the bathroom looking a bit more composed.

"What do you say to someone who has done that for you? Huh? Anyone?"

Lux scanned all of their faces. All they could do is smile.

"Ok. Show me getting rid of the shadows."

They all walked back to the desk.

* * *

River and First quietly phased back into Melody/River's mind. Sigma was quietly meditating when they came back. River started projecting again. Sigma and First shared a smile.

Eleven was leaning against the front door of her mind sleeping. Melody was snuggled into his left shoulder with her hands loosely wrapped around his right arm. The Doctor's left arm was cradling Melody's back.

"That is how you make me feel. Safe, protected and loved." River whispered to First.

"That is how you two should always feel." First softly answered.

"Unless, you are getting us shot at. Then, well..." River said with a smile.

First bit down on a laugh. River got a playful shove as First went by to wake Melody.

"Oh. I don't want to wake them up." River said quietly.

"Can not be helped." First said.

First gently shook Melody awake. Eleven shot a weary look at First over Melody's shoulder.

"Melody, your turn." First gently said.

"Cool." Melody said as they walked off and faded out of view.

"What did you see River?" Eleven asked.

River laughed and proceeded to gently crush him in a bear hug.

* * *

"They are going to eat him!" Lux screamed.

"He is here. You know he survived. So just calm down and watch." Evangelista ordered.

Dr. Moon hoped that the Doctor was doing ok. Dr. Moon could only fix so many problems at once.

* * *

"Melody I never want to hear you say that people want you dead. It just isn't true." Eight told her.

Melody was pacing in The Doctor's own personal pub. Eight, Third, Ten and Nine were trying to reason with her. They all saw where River got her stubbornness from.

"But..River." Melody said.

"But, nothing. Listen young lady. We will help you do this but I need you to promise me that this death wish of yours is over." Third demanded.

Melody turned around with anger in her heart. She hurt and wanted it to stop.

"You were messed up from the beginning. You are going to be angry and hurt. You want to lash out." Third calmly stated.

Melody sniffled and nodded yes.

"I went through that a few times." Ten stated.

"I wanted everyone to be as miserable as I was." Nine said with a sigh. "You too?"

Melody nodded yes.

"I want it to all go away. It just won't go away." Melody pleaded.

"I'll be right back." Ten looked like he was going to loose it. Nine followed him out into the main street of the village.

"What is the matter?" Nine asked.

"Are you kidding? How are we going to fix her? She has been nothing but abused from the beginning." Ten answered.

"In our name. I know. We are just going to have to bite the bullet and rebuild her. Show her ways to deal with the pain." Nine got quiet.

"I have an idea." Second said as he appeared from between two buildings."We train her the same way we were."

"It took 50 years to pass the test." First said.

"This isn't about a test. This is about making them comfortable." Fourth said from a window overhead.

"Not perfection. Just functional. " First stated.

"This could work." Ten said.

"Go back and talk to her. We will join you shortly." First stated.

First, Second and Fourth all headed for the Library. Nine came back into the pub and grabbed Melody around the shoulders.

"Melody listen you feel like your bleeding and the wounds won't close, correct?"

"Yes." Melody said with a sniffle.

"Lashing out against everyone including yourself is hurting you and making it worse." Nine gently stated.

Nine searched her eyes. There was a spark of understanding.

"I can prove to you that doesn't work." Nine said. "Will you let me show you? It might take a while but I will show you."

Nine kneeled down and took her hands. Melody saw his smile and wanted to say yes but was still mad.

"There is more to life than anger and fear. The good can stay. I swear to you." Nine calmly stated.

Nine saw a happy spark in her eyes. Melody kept trying to squash it. Nine could see that she needed a bit of convincing. Ten was watching over Nine's shoulder.

"She is pouting." Ten stated.

"How can we fix that?" Eight said with a smile.

* * *

"It was beautiful Sweetie. Sigma you should have seen it. It was the most beautiful fall day. Oh. Wait you did. Didn't you?"

"Yes I did River." Sigma said.

Sigma gently took Eleven's hand.

_The snow is gone. You are healing. I am happy for you my friend._

Sigma saw a shy Thank-you in Eleven's eyes. Eleven straitened his bow tie and walked to River.

"When First brings Melody back then you two can go in there and then we can leave and start rebuilding you." Eleven smiled and tapped the end of River's nose.

River suddenly jumped and screeched for no reason. Eleven and Sigma looked confused.

"River what just happened?" Sigma asked.

"Something just grabbed me. Doctor?" River looked ready to pounce.

* * *

"Promise me. Promise me and I will stop." Ten said.

Melody was currently being driven into hysterical laughter by the hands of Eight.

"I swear!" Melody screamed."I will trust you!"

"I don't know if she is telling the truth." Ten said with a laugh.

First and Fourth came in with two books. Melody took that opportunity to run behind Fourth with a shriek. She was in play mode. This was progress.

"Stop torturing this poor child." Fourth said with a smile.

"Good girl. We meant what we said. All of it." Third said.

"Melody time to go. Have to start this sometime." First said.

"Can I see you all again?" Melody said as she looked around the room.

"You will most definitely see us all again." Third said with a smile.

"Ready to go?" First said holding a few books.

"What's that?" Melody asked.

"Homework." They all answered.

* * *

First reappeared in front of River, Eleven and Sigma holding a few books.

"What was going on over there? Where is Melody?" River asked.

"Explain." First ordered.

"I felt something grab me." River said.

"Really?" First said with a smile. "Trust me, River?"

"Of course."

First closed his eyes. Two beats later River jumped and screamed again.

"What was that!"

"I didn't mean to anger you River. I guess you and Melody are not as separate as I first thought." First said.

"Sweetie?" River asked.

"This is very good. Trust me." Eleven said.

Third phased into view with Melody snuggled into his shoulder. She waved at everyone and yawned.

"I think we wore her out." Third said smiling.

"We have to get back out there before they start worrying." First said.

Third tried to put Melody down. She wasn't having it.

"Remember what we said, young lady." Third said.

"Can't we just stay like this?"

Third could feel her shaking in his arms. He looked to River for some back up. River was just as weary of opening that door.

"Ladies, we will be with you. But we have to go back out. OK?" First said.

"OK." Melody said as Third put her down.

"What's the books for?" River asked.

"I have homework." Melody answered.

River and Melody walked through the front door together. Everyone went back where they belonged.

* * *

"Hey, there. Are you all well?" Rory asked.

Sigma and the Doctor got up and walked a bit.

"Just a bit stiff." The Doctor answered as he stretched a bit.

River settled into her body. She was sore all over. River smiled at her parents.

"River, you OK?" Amy asked.

"I will be." River answered.

River and The Doctor exchanged a smile.

"Doctor. Professor Song?" Lux quietly asked.

River sighed and put the pillow over her face.


	24. Vistas

Charlotte walked to River's stretcher. River was still hiding under the pillow.

"River? How do you feel?" Malokeh asked.

"Everything hurts. I truly feel like I got hit by a bus." River groaned.

"How are her readings, Malokeh?" The Doctor asked.

"Just a bit agitated." Malokeh answered with a head nod toward Lux.

The Doctor smiled and waked over to intercept Lux. Charlotte gently lifted up the pillow and smiled at River.

"Is the light bothering you?" Charlotte whispered.

River nodded yes. Amy and Rory quietly came up behind Charlotte.

"We figured it might. These might help." Rory said.

Rory lifted the pillow and Amy put sunglasses on River.

"Can I skip school today? Please?" River asked as she sat up.

"Ok. Maybe just this one day." Amy said.

"Gee. Your all heart Mum." River answered.

* * *

The Doctor walked over to Dr. Moon and Lux. River's archeology team waved as they went by on their way to talk to River.

"Mr. Lux we meet again." The Doctor said as he stuck his hand out.

"Mr. Lux this is The Doctor. Remember he regenerates." Dr. Moon stated.

Lux shook The Doctor's hand and opened his mouth to say something. Nothing came out. Lux yanked The Doctor into a hug. The Doctor was slow to return the hug. Dr. Moon read shock on his face.

"What happened to no sentiment?" The Doctor quietly asked.

"That was before your wife fried herself. You somehow didn't get eaten by the shadows and you gave Charlotte her life again. I can't..." Lux whispered.

"Your welcome. How long before we can open this Library again?"

The Doctor clapped his hands and lead Lux to the next room.

"River. You should have seen him. Got sick as a dog." Other Dave said.

"Maybe I was to hard on him, before." River said as she was attempting to stand between her parents.

"No you weren't. He needed his shell cracked." Evangelista stated.

"How do your legs feel?" Malokeh asked.

"Like rubber." River said as she took a few steps leaning on Rory.

Charlotte was walking backwards a few steps ahead of River. River just smiled and laughed. Charlotte let out a yawn.

"Charlotte are you tired?" Amy asked.

"No. Why (yawn) would you (yawn) ask that?"

Charlotte could see none of the adults were buying it.

"You have been through a lot today. I think you need a nap." Amy said. "I'll just put her to bed in the TARDIS. I'll be back in a minute." Amy and Charlotte disappeared into the TARDIS.

"River are you feeling a bit better?" Rory asked.

River leaned against Rory and stretched.

"Yes. I am." River said. "Let's catch up with Lux and see what else we have to do."

* * *

An hour later River was bored with listening to Lux and The Doctor drone on about what her team needed to do, staffing and schedules. River stood up.

"River are you ok?" Amy asked.

"Yes just need to take a walk." _Clear my head._

"Ok. If you need anything just call."

"Thanks, Mum."

River found the overview easy enough. She had seen the surveillance tape of Pretty Boy and Donna talking over her TARDIS diary. More importantly, Pretty Boy's run to put her in the core.

Pretty Boy's "I'm very good." statement always made her laugh. River sat on the ledge and just let the view calm her.


	25. Where is my Mind ? (Part one)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: The next three chapters are all Eyes' creation. (She really shines in this part. Enjoy.)

 

 

* * *

He found her sitting on a balcony, legs hanging over the steep drop below, staring out across the vast expanse of the Library. He knew she was distracted by something, as he was able to get right up behind her and lay a hand on her shoulder before she noticed him.

In hind site, he should really have known that surprising an obviously preoccupied River, whilst she was sat on a thin ledge, was a very bad idea. As it was however, his vast, genius mind decided to not alert him to this fact, resulting in her jumping, spinning around and her hand shooting out to wrap around his throat as she pushed him to the ground.

God she looked beautiful. Her entire body coiled like a spring over his own, her eyes blazing, hair fanning out around her intense, serious face and he hands, usually so gentle and loving, cutting of his air supply in a shockingly strong grip.

A few tense moments passed and he saw a battle in her eyes. What it was about he was not entirely sure, but it lasted a few breaths longer before the fog lifted and she was herself again, apologizing profusely and helping him to his feet.

"I'm sorry sweetie, just got a little lost in thought there for a moment. Well, best be off, Amy was looking for me before. I think I'll go find her"

She made to push past him and walk off, but somehow sensing something was wrong, he reached forward and grabbed her hand, pulling her back.

In the few seconds their hands touched, his mind was flooded with an overwhelming tidal wave of emotion and thought.

Confusion, anger, pain, sorrow, hurt, loneliness, violence, mustkillthedoctor,mustsavethedoctor,hatethedoctor,lovethedoctor,

Stopstopithurts,youanmetimeandspace,hellosweetie,musthurthim,

Lovehim,hurthim,lovehim,hurthimaaaaaaah

He pulled away as though he'd been burned, his mind reeling from the sudden intake of another's most intimate thoughts and feelings. Rubbing the side of his head, he looked up to find River frozen, a horrified look on her face.

Suddenly it all made sense, and he internally smacked his forehead for not thinking of this kind of situation earlier. All of her walls were down.

As she was part Time Lord, her mind was infinitely more complex than that of a normal human's, and just as he had to, it was vital to put up mental barriers, or else you'd drive yourself mad.

When they put her back together as it were, they had destroyed all of her walls, leaving all of her memories and separate selves meld together. The main problem being of course, the Melody who was trained to hurt and kill him versus the River who loved him unconditionally, and would die rather than see him harmed.

She was fighting a brutal internal battle between these two halves, and when he surprised her, Melody took over first and attacked him, as that was her first instinct. Lucky River managed to pull her back, but the longer she was left with her barricades down, the worse it would all become. He needed to help her and swiftly.

Shaking himself, pushing the residual feelings and thoughts away, he stepped slowly closer to the still frozen and slightly shaking woman in front of him. Raising his hands to show he wasn't going to touch her, he stopped right in front of her and gazed softly into her storming eyes.

"River. River can you hear me?"

He spoke softly, as one would to a spooked animal or a small child, and looked directly into her eyes the entire time, hoping River would surface and not Melody. He was sure she was no real threat, but he would hate to have to harm her, even in self defense, and there was also the slight chance that that side of her could stick, pushing the River he knows and loves down into the recesses of her mind.

After a few moments, her eyes seemed to clear again and she shakily nodded. Sighing in relief, he continued on.

"River, all of your walls are down. I'm sure you know how dangerous and distressing that is and we need to get them up right away."

Waiting a breath once again, she nodded once more.

"Okay then. River? Would you allow me to meld with you? You're in no fit self to construct the walls yourself and my mind is stronger. I'll only help you make the barriers, I promise I wont peak at anything you don't want me to. Okay?"

She nodded once again, seeming more like herself and even smirking slightly when he said his mind was stronger. Bloody woman.

Steeping as close to her as he could get, he closed told her to close her eyes, waiting a moment once she had to ensure it was still River in front of him, before he slowly reached out and touched the sides of her head and face, also closing his eyes.

Taking a deep breath, he plunged them both into the depths of her mind.

The first things he acknowledge upon waking inside River's mind, was the fact it was pitch black, smelt of dust and ash, and also the rather uncomfortable sensation of having landed in his arm.

Pushing himself up, he shook out his gangly limbs, brushed the dust and debris of his beloved tweed blazer and straightened his bowtie, before peering into the darkness.

After a few moments he heard a rustle, followed by a few sniffs. Turning towards the noise, he called out.

"Hello? River, is that you?"

More rustles and sniffs answered him. Having a good idea of what he might find, he stepped forward even more towards where the noises had come from.

"Melody? Is that you? It's okay, I won't hurt you, I promise. Just come out okay?"

Once again, rustles and sniffs followed, but this time they were louder and coming from much closer. Slowly, the darkness began to lift and he started to see more of his surroundings.

It was chaos.

They appeared to be in a huge room, almost like the entrance halls you would find in a castle or old mansion, with dark archways leading off. The difference being however, that it was a mess.

The paper was torn from the walls, hanging in tatters or strewn around the floor. The other parts of the wall not covered in ripped wallpaper, was chipped and cracked, looking about ready to completely collapse. In fact, even as he watched, the cracks seemed to creep further up the walls, more and more tiny pieces chipping away. Looking up, he saw the roof too was crumbling slowly, tiny bit up rubble and dust falling down occasionally.

So this was poor River's mind. It broke his hearts that this is what she was going through, after everything that had already happened. It also hurt that she hadn't come to him for help earlier.

Finally finishing his sweep of the place, he looked once more towards where he heard the noise and saw in front of him, one of the dark archways that lined the rest of the room. Stepping forward once more, he reached out his hand.

"That's it, come on. Come into the light so we can say hello"

Soon, a small hand reached out and took his. Stepping back, he gently pulled on the hand gripping tightly to his own and soon, the small figure of a girl stepped out into the light.

River. Well, Melody actually. Young Melody.

"Hello Melody. It's nice to meet you. Do you know who I am"

A loud sniff followed his question, before she finally opened her mouth to speak.

"Ooofcourse I kknow who you are. Yyyou're the one they want me to hhurt!"

She stuttered her way through, chocking back tears until she finished and they finally ran furiously down her cheeks. Feeling that familiar ache only a parent, or someone who has once been a parent, can feel, he knelt down to her level and looked her in the eye, putting both of his hand on her tiny shoulders to hold her steady.

"Melody, listen to me. Why are you crying?"

Once again she sniffed hard, swiping angrily at her eyes trying to stem the flow of tears before answering him again.

"Coz coz coz I ddon't want to hhurt you! Bbbut if I say I ddon't, they they hurt mme!"

At this she finally gave up being brave and broke down into pitiful sobs, soaking his shoulder when he pulled her to him in a hug, holding the poor shaking little girl to him. He stroked her hair, rocking her slightly and allowing her to cry it all out.

Despite him fighting against it tooth and nail, memories of doing this to his own children so, so long ago, assaulted his senses and he almost felt like joining in with her. He needed to get a better hold on his emotions, as they still weren't as harnessed as they should be due to everything that's happened.

When she finally seemed to calm down some, he pulled her away from his chest and held her at arms length, looking her straight in her watery eyes.

"Now you listen to me Melody, and you listen well. I know they want you to hurt me, and I know they hurt you if you say you don't want to, so I'm telling you now. It's okay. Do you understand me Melody? It's okay to hurt me, it's okay to train to hurt me and it's okay that eventually you will."

More tears fell down her shocked face at his words, and he wiped them away with his thumb. She needed to hear this; she needed to know it's okay. He understood now what he must do to fix River's mind. He would have to talk to each part of herself; each part of her different lives, personalities and regenerations, and put them at ease back behind the walls she had built for them.

In young Melodies case, he needed to give her the permission she needed to hurt him. She needed to be absolved of the guilt.

Nodding at her once more, he stood, patting her head and taking her hand.

"Now Melody, let's go sort your room out shall we?"

Hand in hand they walked through the dark archway and into the cluttered, broken room behind it.

Looking around, he saw a room very similar to that at the Orphanage in America, but much more childlike, with personal objects and nick knacks in it. They stepped over the broken toys and shattered pictures until they stood in the middle of the room and looked round.

"Okay, lets get this mess cleaned up shall we, then it's time for you to go to bed I think"

Together, the cleaned the room. Well, he did, Melody mostly sat on her newly fixed bed and bossed him around with childish glee, taking great delight in watching him slave away, telling him exactly where everything was meant to go. He grumbled and pretended it was terrible and such hard work, often shouting that she was a tyrannical monster and begging her for a break, taking great joy in the way she would giggle at him and threaten him with a stay in the dungeons if he didn't carry on.

They continued their game until all of the mess was cleaned up, the room looking just as it was supposed to. Looking over to the bed, he saw that, despite her efforts to the contrary, Melody was close to falling asleep where she sat.

"Come on now then Melody, I think it's time for bed"

Walking over to the bed, he picked her up, pulled back the covers and settled her down into it, tucking her in snuggly. She smiled sleepily up at him and took his hand in hers.

"Thank you for fixing my room, it's much better now"

He smiled at her in return, squeezing her tiny hand gently.

"You are most welcome Melody Pond. Sleep well, and remember what I told you"

She nodded sleepily, her eyes closing as she settled deeper into her pillows. Smiling softly to himself, he kissed her forehead and tiptoed out of the room, pausing to whisper one last message to her before he closed the door on this section of River's mind.

"Sweet dreams"


	26. Where is my Mind? (Part Two)

 

His encounter with young Melody had shaken him considerably, as it was not just a different regeneration and younger self, it was the mental manifestation of all the guilt she felt over the being trained and conditioned to destroy him. He hoped that when she awoke, she would finally have peace from her guilt.

Pausing for a moment to collect himself, he turned away from the now solid door and walked through the archway and back into the main chamber. It was starting to look better already. The cracks in the walls and ceiling near the newly built door were closing up, no longer deeply etched and crumbling around it in a sprawling spider web. He felt his spirits lift immensely.

Walking into the very center of the chamber, he faced the dark, ominous archway that came next. Now that he had an idea of what was to come, he took the time to prepare himself for the next side of his beloved River that he would have to face.

Walking forward, he ducked under the archway, noting how up close, it looked as though it could have been made by a bus crashing it's way through, before he stepped over the broken and splintered remains of the door that once stood there. Looking around, the first thing he noticed, despite the destruction, was how more personal the room was in it's objects and decorations compared to the last.

The most interesting objects being the numerous pictures in cracked frames scattered about on the floor. One I particular caught his attention, and despite his eagerness to just get this over with, he stooped to pick it up, brushing off the dust and smashed glass.

It was a picture of a much younger Amy and Rory, surely only in their teens, with another girl of similar same age, her dark skin in stark contrast with the pale Scottish milky-ness of Amy's, and her hair plated tightly to her head before being allowed to frizz out at the back. Mells.

"Like that do you Doctor? That was taken on my 17th birthday. Do you know that I never celebrated my birthday till I escaped and came here? It was great to spend my birthdays with my parents. Well, I guess that's normally really isn't it. That's normal. Not how I grew up, no thanks to you".

Slowly turning, the picture still in his hands, he finally clapped eyes on the speaker. It was Mells, just as he had seen her before getting shot and regenerating, stood leaning against the crumbling walls of the room, arms crossed and piercing eyes fixed on him, exuding her air of cocky confidence and flirty cheek. There was however, an undertone of something else in her.

Violence.

A small shock rushed through his body as he realized that this side of River was very much a danger to him. She could and possibly would harm him.

"Why so silent Doctor, that's unlike you. Nothing witty or clever to say?" she said, voice low and dangerous with a heavy hint of mockery as she pushed of from the wall and began slowly circling him.

The Doctor lifted his head and straightened his back but kept silent, deciding that for once, he would keep his mouth shut and just let events unfold first. Following her with his eyes, he tried to exude calm, taking the advice of Ood Sigma and calming his mind, hoping it would lull Mells by allowing her no emotion to bounce off.

Maybe she would just spend all her anger out on him verbally, letting out all of the things that River keeps hidden, her love for him not allowing her to hurt him with them.

"Oh, I see. Rising above it are we? Being the better person? Please. We both know what type of person you are, don't we Doctor"

She paused right in front of him, a slow, dangerous smirk crawling onto her face as she leant forward ever so slightly into his personal space.

"Murderer"

It came out as a whisper, but she might as well have screamed it at him, they both would have held the same power.

The word sent a shock through his body and for all his attempts at remaining calm and impassive, he winced.

"Aaah, hit a nerve have I? I thought it would. Because it's so, so true isn't it Doctor. No matter what good you do in your pathetic existence, no matter how many people you save, you will always still be the greatest mass murderer who ever lived!"

She was too close, too much, too loud and all too true. He had to move. Stumbling backwards away from the burning hatred he saw in her eyes, he tripped over a piece of the fallen ceiling and landed on his back, momentarily dazing himself as his head bounced of the debris covered floor.

"Pathetic. Can't even face up to what you've done. Tell me, how did it feel to destroy your own planet, your own people? How did it feel to become an endangered species through your own actions?"

He stumbled backwards, skidding across the floor as she advanced on him, spewing words like daggers, until his back hit a crumbling wall and he had to resist covering his ears and curling up.

"I...I had to! I had no choice! I tttried, I did! But I couldn't, I just couldn't save them!"

He stuttered pathetically, his words tumbling over each other in an effort to justify to her what he can never ever justify to himself.

"Oh sure, tell yourself that if it helps. But that's not your only sin is it? Oh no. What about everyone one who you've led by the hand to their death? Should I remind you of them?"

"No, please no" he whispered, ashamed to hear himself practically begging.

She scoffed, a look of sheer scorn crossing her face.

"Well what about me then?" she said, with such a flat, hollow voice that he couldn't help but lift his head and look at her. The mindless anger was gone from her face, replaced with a blank emptiness that probably scared him even more.

"It's all your fault you know? That I didn't live a normal life. Because of you and your stupidity and arrogance, you let me get taken at Demon's Run! I was a baby! A defenseless baby and you didn't protect me! Then in all the years after, you never saved me!"

She broke off, emotions rising to the surfaced again before she swiftly turned away from him and shut them down.

"They hurt me you know? They hurt me and they told me it was all your fault. They made me hate you! Made me want to hurt you. And I did! My God I really did. I blamed you for me having no parents, for being hurt and conditioned and stuck in that blasted suit! Do you have any idea what it was like in there? I was so young and so scared. I'd be in there for weeks at a time, not needing to eat or drink or sleep! It was so small in there! I couldn't move! I was scared Doctor! Scared! And no one was there! No one was ever there!"

Over the course of her speech, she had turned around and moved forward, shouting in his face before falling down on her knees and clutching her head, the memories and feelings over whelming her and causing the whole hall to shake.

The Doctor was momentarily stunned with the force and ferocity of her words, and the horror of what she was saying. He was shook out of his stupor when the shaking in the hall increased, feeling not unlike an earthquake. The floor rumbled and cracks shot up the walls, plaster falling from the ceiling as he was thrown backwards and shuck around with the force of it all.

He had to calm her. Fast.


	27. Where is my Mind? (Part Three)

 

Dragging himself across the trembling floor where he'd painfully landed, the Doctor slowly made his way towards her, hands frequently shooting up to cover his head as chunks of the ceiling rained down.

He was scared. He was actually, honestly scared. If this continued, she could cause serious damage to her mental state. She could bring her whole mind crashing down around them, burying them under the rubble of herself. They would be trapped; their bodies would become cold and empty. All of this would be for naught.

A surge of new and stronger determination swept through him, strengthening his shaking limbs and allowing him to haul himself faster towards her, stopping just in front of her trembling body.

She was crouched down on the floor, arms wrapped around her head, her face scrunched up in pain. A few stray tears leaked out of her tightly scrunched up eyes and her whole body heaved with her harsh breathing.

The Doctor's hearts pained in sympathy for her. Seeing the woman he loved, no matter what incarnation was before him, in pain was worse, so much worse than being in pain himself. Especially when he knew he was the cause of it.

No. He had to push those thoughts aside for the moment, needed to lock them away in a box and put it in the back of his mind because if he stopped right now to examine them, he wasn't sure he'd be able to pull himself together in time to save her. Save them both.

He would think on what she said, what she'd been hiding for all the years he'd known her, later. And he could only pray he could make it right to her.

He didn't even bother praying for himself. Nothing would ever make this right to him.

He winced as a sharp piece of ceiling hit his head, jolting him thankfully out of his thoughts. He was close enough to touch her now; luckily she'd been too distracted with the pain in her splintering mind to repel him.

"Mells! Mells listen to me. You need to calm your mind! Look around you! You're hurting yourself! If you don't calm down you'll destroy your mind! It will crumble and burn! Listen to me Mells, you have to stop!"

"But I can't! It hurts Doctor! The memories! The hate! It hurts so much!"

Oh River. Oh you poor, amazing woman. He had failed her so much.

"Oh Mells, I'm so, so sorry. It's all my fault! It's the programming you underwent as a child, it's fighting your own thoughts and feelings. Part of your mind is making you want to kill me and the other half is trying to protect me. It's ripping you apart!"

She opened her eyes and looked at him with such pain that he just wanted to cry. She never deserved any of this.

"Then what do I do! It hurts Doctor! It hurts so much! My mind is on fire!"

As she spoke, plumes of fire did indeed explode from the crack forming in the ground. The air was heating up making it hard to breath and as he looked around, he saw they were cut off. Fire on one side and falling rubble and cracks on the other.

He had to act quickly now; they had but mere moments left. Reaching out, he grabbed her hands and moved them away from her head, ignoring her protests. He then held her head in his own hands, one on each side to turn her face towards him. He looked deep into her eyes and despite them looking different; there was still the same fire within them, the same woman just beneath the surface.

He pulled her close so they were inches apart, noses almost touching and he spoke quietly and calmly, ignoring the shaking and the chaos all around them.

"Mells. River. I am so sorry. I'm so very, very sorry. You were right. It's because of me that you were hurt, that you were taken away from your family. I know that, you know that and so do they, though they never say it. But right now all that hate and that hurt is destroying you and I won't have that. I know this isn't fair but you need to put it to rest now. You need to let it go. Your two instincts are opposing each other and one needs to win over the other. But only you can make that choice"

He stroked her cheek with his thumb and drew her forehead to his. Just as with the younger Melody he'd seen before her, he now knew what he had to do to heal this part of her. Whereas for her he needed to give her permission to hurt him, needed to absolve her of the guilt she felt, now he needed to give her the opportunity. He needed to give her the choice she'd never had before. To kill him or love him. She needed to decide for herself and take control back of her mind.

Drawing back, he once again looked her straight in her eyes so she would know the depth and the importance of his next words.

"So Mells, you need to decide whether you put your training, your hate, your pain behind you and move on free from them or...or whether you let it win. Whether you carry out once and for all your strongest training. To kill me"

Her eyes widened at his words, a tiny gasp of shock leaving her. She had never before had a choice like this offered to her. First she was ordered to kill him, then after temporarily doing so in Berlin but later bringing him back, she was pretty much forced or at least expected not to.

But the training, the urge remained, just temporarily dormant. And the trauma of everything she'd been through recently, it re-awoke everything. To her fragile mind right now, it was as fresh as it ever had been. So, under the force of such strong opposing instincts, her mind splintered under the strain. All of her previously constructed walls crashing down and cracking who she was into different parts.

The stolen child, the bespoke psychopath and the woman who married him.

If she let it go, let her heart win over her training, then those shards would come together, leaving her the woman her knows and loves. But if she gave in, the rest would be destroyed and she would become a new woman entirely.

But this had to be her decision. If it wasn't, then she could never truly be whole. Never really move on. He could only hope and pray she would choose her heart.

"It's your choice. You can pick whichever you want, I won't stop you. Even if you choose to kill me. Because I love you, and I would rather die than see you suffer for one more second"

Tears sprang to her eyes and slid softly down her face, landing on his thumbs. He gently wiped them away before leaning up and placing a soft kiss on her forehead. He then drew back, let his hands drop to his sides and closed his eyes.

Now all he could do was wait.

"Oh Doctor", she choked out, voice thick with tears, "I am so sorry..."

So here it was then. His death really would come at the hands of the woman he loved.

Taking a deep breath, he conjured the image of the curly haired temptress he so adored to his mind and nodded. He was at peace.

"...but that really was one of the soppiest things you've ever uttered"

Eyes snapping open at the laughter he heard in her voice, he took in her smiling face in shock.

"Now come here you"

Her arms shot up and grabbed his face between her hands, before pulling him into a searing kiss.

As their lips locked and their eyes closed, the trembling began to fade away, the ceiling stopped falling and the light of the fires began to die away, only to be replaced with a completely different one altogether.

Bright gold.

When the finally pulled apart he was once again looking into the smiling face of the woman he loved with all his mind, hearts and soul.

"Hello sweetie"

Letting out a laugh of sheer exhilaration he stood up and pulled her with him, then, despite her shrieks of protest, he picked her up and spun her around the now completely repaired and shining hall of her mind, until they were both breathless with laughter.

When he finally put her down they were both dizzy and giddy, clinging to each other for balance. God he loved this woman. Turning to her, he pulled her in for a quick, soft kiss before pulling back and stroking her crazy hair.

"So what do you say River. Ready to go back now?"

"Well, we could stay here a little longer perhaps..." she said flirtatiously, before leaning in and whispering in his ear.

"River!"

She laughed, and the noise was music to his ears.

"Oh Doctor, you're ever so cute when you blush"

"and you are going to give me a hearts attack one of these days!"

Smiling evilly, she began to walk towards the huge, blue wooden doors at the end of the hall, a flirty swagger in her step as she shouted back over her shoulder with a wink, "well, I can most certainly try..."

Shaking his head in utter exasperation, he took once more glance around the room to ensure everything was in order, before jogging to catch her up.

Everything would be okay now.


	28. Lessons Learned

 

River slowly open her eyes. Her vision was blurry. She saw The Doctor in front of her his hands still on the sides of her head.

"River? Are you awake?"

The voice of her father slowly filtered through the haze. Rory's voice had an undertone of panic.

"Don't move. Ok?"

"Ok." River's throat was raw. It hurt to talk.

"They are waking up! Amy! Malokeh! Sigma!"

River saw the Doctor eyes slowly blink open.

"Don't move either of you! Please!" Rory said from behind them.

River and the Doctor exchanged a glance. First thing they both noticed was that they were no longer on the balcony. They both had masks on their faces and sensors covering their chests. Both of them were also soaked with sweat. They could both hear the others come running. River saw her mother's face come into view.

"Amy, don't touch them yet." Sigma stated.

Amy pulled her hands back.

"Doctor. Can you understand what I am saying?" Sigma asked quietly.

"Yes. Sigma I can hear and understand you. Why are you asking?"

Sigma could hear the annoyance in the Doctor's voice.

"Please Doctor. Just listen. Are you fully within yourself and out of River?"

"What..." River interjected.

"Yes, Sigma."

"Doctor now you can remove your hands from River." Sigma calmly announced.  
The Doctor slowly removed his hands from River's face. He felt worn out. His hands were shaking.

"River? Are you OK?" Amy asked.

"I am healed. The Doctor fixed me." River stopped and looked at everyone."What is the matter? Why are you all looking like you want to kill The Doctor? And why is my throat so raw?" River rubbed her throat for emphasis.

"We were discussing the opening of The Library. Saw you leave. Saw The Doctor leave to find you."Rory started.

"And?" River asked.

"About twenty minutes later we heard you scream and start sobbing. We went looking for you." Amy picked up the story.

"We found you two collapsed on the steps of the balcony. River, you quieted down, but Doctor, you looked like you were going into a panic attack." Malokeh added.

"Sigma tried to meld with either of you."

"I tried to meld to help. Every time I entered I couldn't get in because I would be burned or given wrenching pain." Sigma stated.

"I am so sorry, Sigma. I never meant to hurt you." The Doctor said.

"No Doctor, River. I realized what was going on. River you were mixing. Correct?" Sigma asked.

River looked confused then nodded yes.

"I knew that The Doctor must have felt that and tried to fix it himself." Sigma said.

"Big idiot." Amy growled as she swatted the back of his head.

"Oww! What was that for?"

"You could have been killed or mentally messed up for life! Sigma explained what was happening to us!" Amy yelled.

"Sorry, Doctor." Sigma answered to the look that The Doctor shot him.

"No they needed to know."

"We carried you here and started monitoring you both." Malokeh added.

Amy heard a sniffle behind her.

"Charlotte. It is OK. See they are both awake." Amy quietly said. "You can come over."

River and The Doctor both swung their legs over the sides of the large gurney they were on. Charlotte walked over to River. River could see she had been crying. River opened her arms and Charlotte hugged her around the neck. River just held her and stroked her back.

"I got so scared, River. You both were screaming and crying." Charlotte sobbed.

"We didn't mean to scare anyone. The Doctor fixed me."

"You both kept saying that you hurt and I kept saying you were OK. But you couldn't hear me."

"I am very sorry you had to see that Charlotte. But I am all better now." River said with a smile.

"I would like to check both of you out myself." Sigma said with a bit of force.

"I agree. I need a shower first." The Doctor said.

The Doctor stood up and quickly found himself on the floor. Rory shook his head and bundled The Doctor into his arms. Rory silenced any protests from The Doctor or River with a look. Malokeh followed behind Rory with River in his arms.

"Old girl we have to clean these two up." Rory stated as he walked into the TARDIS.  
Both pairs got misted with warm water.

The Doctor, River and the TARDIS were consumed by giggle fits.

"Very funny." Rory said.

"Nice one." Amy laughed.

Amy noticed a glow coming from the corridor down and to the left of the consul.

"Over there Rory." Amy said.

The TARDIS produced bathrooms big enough so The Doctor and River could have some privacy but also be watched by Rory and Amy. Malokeh and Sigma let them be after promises that both The Doctor and River submit to a battery of tests later. Rory stepped out for a moment to let the Doctor have a few minutes. He could hear both of his girls laughing, giggling and generally carrying on. Rory knocked on the door.

"Can you two try and keep it down a bit."

River opened the door. She was wrapped in a towel. Amy had already removed the bandageing from her burns. They were looking much better.

"Daddy dear."

"Yes, daughter of mine." Rory said with a smile.

"No." River smiled and closed the door.

Rory could hear the burst of laughter from Amy and River. Rory cautiously entered the room with the Doctor.

"Doctor?"

"Rory I'm going to need some help."

"That is what I'm here for."

Rory walked in with his eyes closed.

"Rory you can open your eyes. Nurse, right?"

"Right."

"What were those two giggling about?"

"Don't know but it sounds like when they would have sleep overs. The no boys allowed kind."

"OK."

The Doctor and Rory shared a shrug and a smile. Rory walked him to the shower.

"Never do that again." Rory stated.

"Do what?" The Doctor asked as he stepped into the shower.

" Be in distress where I can't help you. This is twice now."

" I will not insult you by saying, sure. Rory it has only been once."

"Twice."

"Rory didn't you see me look at you and Amy."

"When?" Rory sounded confused.

"Back at your house."

"Oh. Yes. You heard me? I thought you were beyond understanding anything."

"Of course I heard you. Family."

The Doctor stuck his head under the stream of water. He didn't believe it. He was starting to choke up again.

"Yes." Rory didn't sound to stable either.

"Rory. I was lost, scared and numb when I showed up. I didn't know what to do or say to the both of you. I really wanted you to use that sword of yours."

Rory let out a choked laugh. "Sorry about the throwing."

"I felt I deserved that. You looked at me and I knew I was safe. I am surprised I didn't crack in the kitchen."

"We were terrified at that point."

"Rory give yourself some credit. I wanted to die and you brought me through it. Did you mean it?"

"Mean what?"

"Family. I have caused all three Ponds so much trouble. How could you ever forgive me?"

Rory hated questions like this. Yes, The Doctor was the cause of a lot of pain. He was also the bringer of so much wonder and joy.

"Doctor, at one point I hated you."

Rory heard a gasp from the shower.

"Don't act surprised."

"I'm not."

 _Rule one._  Rory thought.

"You opened both Amy and I up. To the Universe and to each other. What I have learned and experienced can not be received for nothing."

Rory clearly heard a sob from the shower. He hated making the Doctor cry. Rory needed him to know this.

"Doctor?"

Rory reached into the shower. The Doctor grabbed his hand and put it to his cheek. Rory pulled the Doctor's head out and cupped his face. Rory opened his eyes and looked The Doctor square in the eye.

"I meant every word. Son." Rory said with a smile.

The Doctor buried his head in Rory's shoulder.

Amy and River quietly closed the door and hugged. Everything really was going to be better.


	29. Healing is more than skin deep

 

"Where do you think you are going Centurion?" Malokeh said with a smile.

"To find Charlotte and Lux. You know." Rory said. " Opening the Library, etc."

Rory was trying to sneak out of the Library room with all the medical equipment in it.

"I need to check those burns Rory." Malokeh calmly stated.

Malokeh was currently cleaning River's burns.

"OK. River lie down on your stomach. So I can get to the back of your head."

River groaned and put her face in the pillow as Amy gathered River's hair and kept it out of Malokeh's way. Rory walked over to Malokeh and rolled up his sleeves.

"See. No big blisters. I've been putting the cream on them. Fast healer." Rory proudly announced.

Malokeh was paying no attention to Rory. He was studying River's two worst burns. He gently prodded one and had to dodge River's flaying legs. River tried to turn over to see if she had hit him.

"Lie still River." Amy said gently.

"Did I get you Malokeh? I am sorry. It just hurts." River said.

"No River. You did not get me. I am going to have to pop these two blisters."

River whined.

"I will numb you first. OK?"

"Malokeh I don't need.." River started.

Amy took one look at River's pained face and teary eyes and decided to take charge of the situation.

"She means yes, Malokeh. Rory would you mind keeping her legs under control?"

"Mother!"

"Shush River and relax. The more you tense up the worst the pain."

Malokeh took this opportunity to apply the numbing gel.

"River you shouldn't feel anything in a moment."

Malokeh gently prodded the burns again.

"River? Do you feel anything?"

"No Malokeh. Thank you."

* * *

The Doctor and Sigma were behind a desk a few meters away. Sigma was wandering around the Doctor's mind making sure things were in order.

"See Sigma. I'm all better." Eleven stated as they sat in the pub.

"Yes Doctor you survived the shock well. I'm very impressed. You still should not have done it alone."

"Point taken." Eleven said.

"Sigma can I borrow him for a moment?" First asked.

"Of course." Sigma said.

First led Eleven out of the pub and down to First's cottage. Ten kept watch as Two, Four and Seven snuck into the pub.

"Sigma we have a favor to ask you." Seven asked.

"Anything within my power." Sigma said.

"Oh this most certainly is." Four answered with a smile.

* * *

"Dad just sit still. If I could it you can do it." River said with a smile.

"Yeah, Stupidface, don't be a wimp." Amy said then kissed Rory's lips.

Rory knew she was distracting him. Didn't matter. As soon as Malokeh started cleaning the burns on his feet Rory nearly came off the table. River, who was lying across the back of his calves, burst out laughing.

"River! It isn't funny!" Rory screamed.

"Sorry Dad. It isn't. But you just bounced me up about a foot."

River bit her lip and grabbed on to the table. Rory's feet had been packed with numbing gauze. So he could walk. In order to clean the burns everything had to be washed off. So Rory was feeling everything.

"What is going on here?" The Doctor said as he walked over to the gurney.

"What does it look like?" Rory growled.

Sigma shook his head.

"Rory, calm." Sigma said as he placed a hand on the back of Rory's neck.

Rory's eyes closed and his body stilled. Sigma was calming him the same way he had calmed Melody on the TARDIS.

"Thank you Sigma."

"Your Welcome Malokeh."

Malokeh worked quickly. He was trying to be as gentle as he could. Burned flesh was hard to deal with on any species.

"See Rory. All done." Malokeh said.

Rory came out of Sigma's trance.

"Sigma, Thank you. What did you put on my feet?"

Sigma and River disappeared behind the desk.

"Sexy made you some slippers. You can walk around with no pain." The Doctor said.

"The slippers are going to help your feet heal without being wrapped so tightly. Your skin needs to breathe." Malokeh added.

Rory got off the gurney and hugged the TARDIS. The Doctor allowed himself a smile as the TARDIS hummed away.

"How is everyone?" Lux asked as he walked into the room with Charlotte.

"Just fine Mr. Lux." Malokeh stated.

"You all are allowed to leave this area. You have an entire plant of books to explore. Please." Lux stated with a sweep of his hand.

"We won't let anyone get lost."

Proper Dave's voice floated down from above. They could hear the other Core residents laughing behind him.

"We have to practice running this place and moving people about." Anita added.

"Sounds great. Wait. Where is River and Sigma?"

"Right here, father dear."

River and Sigma walked out from behind the desk.

"Are you, all together?" Amy asked.

"Yes, Amy, Rory. Your daughter is well. Not that all of you won't need a bit of TLC. We can tackle that later. Understood?"

"Yes, Sigma. We get it." Rory said with a sigh.

Rory hugged River and Amy.

"Well, Mrs. Williams, where do you want to go first?"

Amy whispered into Rory's ear.

"Well, good bye all. Don't wait up." Rory said with a smile.

Amy and Rory walked to the tram with gleams in their eyes and disappeared.

"Charlotte and I are going to be in the Core if anyone needs us."

"Bye." Charlotte said as she waved.

Malokeh and Sigma wandered off to the history section.

The Doctor and River were alone. Finally.


	30. Moondance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Dragonsbain. I am stealing David's line. The following three chapters are "my reward" for all the hell I've put the Doctor and River through. This is a change from the seriousness of the story. Let the Doctor have some fun. Enjoy the Fluff fest.

 

The Doctor and River wandered out of the medical equipment room. Silently walking and appreciating the quiet splendor of The Library.

"Sweetie what is the oldest book in here?"

"I do not know but we can ask. Dr. Moon" The Doctor looked up as he talked.

"River wants to know what the oldest book in here is."

Dr. Moon's voice filled the room.

"Well River the oldest original text is a Babylonian...

* * *

"I think they just might need a push." Four said.

"I do believe so." Nine said with a smile.

* * *

"Thank you Dr. Moon."

"Anytime River."

"River. I am not sure where this type of scroll work originated."

"Where?"

The Doctor gently touched her left elbow. His hand trailed gently down her arm as he lead her to a gorgeous piece of scroll work in the corner of the room.

"That is beautiful."

As River flipped through her vast knowledge of cultures, The Doctor intertwined his fingers with hers. He knew that River had the answer when she gently squeezed his hand.

"Well, Doctor, that scroll work originated..."

* * *

"Time to get our accomplice into the act." Third noted.

"She is going to love this." Eighth said with a smile.

First leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. A smile ran through all of the Doctor's incantations that were gathered in the pub.

* * *

Melody slept peacefully. The Doctor had lifted most of the guilt off of her shoulders. It couldn't all be wiped away. What was left didn't have the crushing pain associated with it.

"Melody."

Melody rolled over towards the sound. She was still asleep.

"Melody. Wake up beautiful."

Melody cracked open an eye.

"Hmmm? River?"

"No not River. Wake up Melody. We need your help."

The voice of First drifted through her sleep haze. Melody stretched and found something on the bed with her. It was a beautiful white teddy bear with a bow tie and a note in it's hands. Melody sat up and studied the bear.

"Hello. Who are you?" Melody quietly said.

"Hello Melody. You are awake. How do you feel?" First's voice floated from the bear.

"I feel pretty good. Is this actually you Doctor or am I dreaming?"

First laughed.

"This is quite real. Could you read the note?"

"Sure."

* * *

River just giggled as The Doctor started identifying the different types of woods by licking them.

"What? I'm right. Correct?"

"Yes, my love."River just held his hand as they walked around the room identifying the different woods.

* * *

The Doctors listened to the sweet laughter coming from Melody. Her voice was floating around the pub.

"I agree and accept Doctor."

"Good then tell me when you are ready." First said.

"Wait. Doctor?"

"What Melody?" Four answered.

"Is this, THE Bow tie?"

There was a moment of silence in the pub. First looked confused. Five looked at First like he had lost a few brain cells.

"Yes Melody. It is a mental recreation of it." Five answered.

Melody grabbed the bear and hugged it tightly to her chest. The accompanying shriek was heard in the pub. First shook his head and rolled his eyes.

"Women" First said with a huff.

The rest of the Doctors fell about in laughter.


	31. Let My Love

 

"River look at this."

The Doctor directed River's gaze to a plaque with ancient writing in a glass case.

"This is at least one million years old. I don't understand why this doesn't have an information plaque with it."

The Doctor decided to taste one more thing, River's cheek. River scrunched her cheek into her shoulder and let out a surprised squeak.

"Let's see Time Lord with a hint of human."

River couldn't believe it. He was in a total play mode. Not that she minded a bit. The Doctor was smacking his lips and thinking.

"No I was wrong. Well aged Time Lord. Yes that is it." The Doctor said with a smirk.

"You should never insult a lady's age."

River gently swayed towards him. She wanted to get as close as she could. The Doctor kept backing up.

"I think you need to be taught a lesson." River's hand darted out but missed him.

"I think not."

"I can out run you, old man." River stated dryly.

The Doctor smiled at her and took off like a shot. River gave him a five count than began to run him down.

* * *

"What is he doing? Trying to get us killed?" First said.

"He is playing with her." Five offered.

"Sometimes I really don't know where he came from." First uttered.

"How do I look?" Ten asked as he walked into the pub.

"What did Martha say?" Seven pondered. " James Bond like."

"You look smashing." First took over. "Do you know what to do?"

"Yes I got it."

"Remember, this isn't playtime. This is a mission." First stated.

"Loosen up. Honestly, I sometimes wonder how you got married the first time." Four stated.

"Go and knock her off her feet." Four said as he hugged Ten.

"Can I get over yet?" Ten asked.

First closed his eyes and focused on what his body was doing.

"No. They are still playing tag."

* * *

River had almost caught him twice. He was a great evasion artist. She quietly hid behind a desk. River watched as he stopped and caught his breath. She slid up behind him and wrapped her arm around his waist.

"Got you." River whispered in his ear.

"Good for me." The Doctor said as he pulled her into a gentle kiss.

* * *

Melody could hear a gentle knocking on her front door.

"One minute." Melody said as she walked to the door.

Melody opened the door and Ten gasped. Melody had a knee length dress on. It was TARDIS blue with a white silk ribbon wrapped around her waist that went to a bow on her back. Her hair was tied back with a blue and white bow. Her shoes matched the dress.

"You like it?" Melody said as she spun in front of him.

"Quite becoming."

"What's that?"

Melody pointed to a package that Ten was carrying.

"Our music, my lady."

Melody ripped open the package and looked at the contents.

"A bit sappy, aren't they?" Melody said.

"Remember what we are trying to do."

"OK. Let's do this." Melody said as she walked to her music system.

* * *

River broke the kiss and looked up. They were in the room that they first met the Vashta Nerada. Those beings were the last thing on her mind.

"The moon is quite beautiful." River said in a whisper.

"I see something that is more so."

"Oh you."

River could feel the blush creep across her cheeks. The Doctor gently stroked her cheek. River very rarely let her guard down. The Doctor just drank it all in. His hand gently took her arm and spun River around.

"What are you doing?"

"We never had our first dance."

River just let the Doctor lead her in a waltz. River could hear music. But from where?

* * *

"You are quite light on your feet." Ten said as he lead Melody in a waltz around her main room.

"They made me take all sorts of dance classes. Helps with coordination."

"It most certainly does."

* * *

"Doctor do you hear music?" River asked.

"Yes. Just go with it River. Listen."

"Moondance from Van Morrison."

"Yes. Shush."

The Doctor silenced her with another kiss. Both couples danced through a few more tunes. Soon The Doctor and River became all starry eyed.

* * *

"Perfect. Now we.." Ten said.

"Wait a moment. One more. From me to you." Melody said.

"Etta James? At Last? And you call me sappy?" Ten said with a smile.

"Shut up and dance Pretty Boy." Melody said.

* * *

River and The Doctor were no longer dancing. They were swaying in each other's arms.

This what The Doctor had been longing for. No more separations. No more strange timelines. They could just get on with living a normal life. Normal for a Time Lord, anyway.

He wouldn't have to sleep alone. That is one of the things he treasured the most. Rolling over and hearing River's breathing. Seeing her beautifully relaxed face next to him and knowing that, most likely, she would be there when he awoke.

* * *

"No more spoilers." Melody whispered.

"Melody just let it all go. Let all the bad memories drain. It will feel good." Ten said.

"Can not be to good if we are both tearing up."

"It will feel good,... afterwards." Ten said with a sniffle.

Ten just kept leading Melody through the dance. They both needed to be distracted. The memories were plentiful and painful.

"You know Miss Evangelista tried to get our attention. Numerous times. We just ignored her." Melody quietly sobbed.

"Remember I ignored her also." Ten whispered.

* * *

"Sweetie, she could have possibly been saved from the Core." River's voice cracked.

"Shhhh. It is ok."

The Doctor held River in his arms slowly swaying to the music from Melody's sound system. Both of them were gently crying. It was a harsh exercise executed as gently as possible. It would let them move forward emotionally. Like the burns on both Rory and River, the dead, damaged flesh would flake away leaving new, healthy skin. In a few moments River was gently laughing.

"What is so funny?" The Doctor asked.

"The look on your face when I whipped out Jack's squareness gun. Your eyes were the size of dinner plates." River was giggling into his shoulder.

* * *

"Even better. The epic torch flip." Melody laughed.

"The what?" Ten asked.

Melody walked a few meters away.

"My pack lunch in your left hand and a torch in your right." Melody drew herself up to her full height. "Let's meet the Vashta Nerada."

All four let laughter claim them.

* * *

River suddenly straightened up.

"Hello?"

River looked around for the source of the knocking. The Doctor pulled her back into his arms.

"Not out here. In here." The Doctor said as he gently patted her temple. "You will eventually get used to it."

"OK. Now what?" River asked.

"A surprise and an answer to your question."

"What question?"

"How could I go through all of our encounters without telling you about your death. Trust me. You will love this." The Doctor said with a smile.


	32. Chapter 32

 

Melody walked to her front door. Six's smiling face greeted her.

"May I enter beautiful?"

"Of course."

Ten was shocked. Before he could speak First's voice filled his head.

_Please do not say a word. If it was not for him bearing the memory of River's death, we would not have made it this far._

* * *

"Explain." River asked.

"At our first meeting, after you died, the longing to tell you became unbearable. I couldn't handle it."

River started tearing up again.

"No. Don't get upset. Six grabbed the memory and left the village. He then disappeared for a month. He created a vault for it. He was the only one with access. So Ten and I could remember the events but not all the emotion that went with it. Six carried all the weight."

River eyes burrowed into Eleven's.

"Can he hear me?" River asked.

Eleven's eyes fogged slightly. When The Doctor spoke it was Six's voice through Eleven's vocal cords.

"Yes, beautiful. I am here."

"I'm sorry and Thank you."

"No need for apology. I do not believe you came to The Library planing to die."

"True."

"I am the one who needs to apologize. I ruined our last night together. I am embarrassed that I couldn't keep it together for one more day."

"Two hundred and some odd years? Being in pain every day. Please. Don't be an idiot."

"I am most certainly not that."

"Well then, you did nothing wrong."

River felt another memory flash by. She was starting to key in on The Doctor's mind. She needed much training but she was picking up the basics quickly.

"Wait. What was that?"

"Nothing." Six said unconvincingly.

"I will make you tell me."

River said as her hand slid down to his left rib cage. She gave a small squeeze.

"Play nice Dr. Song." Six said with a smile.

River leaned over and whispered:"I could always go for the gun."

"OK. I guess I'm not a clown put through a wood chipper."

"Oh my God! Your not supposed to remember that!" River said as she turned blood red.

"Don't be afraid. I only figured it out about ten years ago. The Mnemosine recall-wipe vapour didn't wipe out the memory completely. I am not mad. Your temper is just the dark side of your sassy spunk. We married all of you not just your good traits. Also, like we have never driven you two crazy. Now just close your eyes and listen." Six pulled her into a deep kiss.

River opened her eyes and knew her Doctor was back.

"Just relax and listen." The Doctor said.

* * *

Ten watched in confusion as Six produced a stool and a acoustic guitar.

"Melody please sit and listen."

Ten sat down on the floor next to Melody.

_When I'm done please get the package by the door and give it to her. Ok?_

Ten nodded to Six to say he heard.

"Testing, testing." Six said as he strummed the guitar.

"Yes we hear you." Two said from the pub.

"Loud and clear." Eight stated as he smiled at Two.

"On my count. One, two, three, four." Eight started.

Two let out a grand flourish of beautiful notes from his recorder.

"Show off." Six and Ten said together.

"Jealous." Two said with a laugh.

The Recorder flourish repeated. Six joined in with the guitar and Eight with transverse cello. Six sang with a resonate strong voice. Eight provided backup.

_When people keep repeating_

_That you'll never fall in love_

_When everybody keeps retreating_

_But you can't seem to get enough_

_Let my love open the door_

_Let my love open the door_

_Let my love open the door_

_To your heart_

_When everything feels all over_

_When everybody seems unkind_

_I bring you a four leaf clover_

_Take all the worry out of your mind_

_Let my love open the door_

_Let my love open the door_

_Let my love open the door_

_To your heart_

_I have the only key to your heart_

_I can stop you falling apart_

_Try today, you'll find this way_

_Come on and give me a chance to say_

_Let my love open the door_

_It's all I'm living for_

_Release yourself from misery_

_There's only one thing gonna set you free_

_That's my love_

_Let my love open the door_

_Let my love open the door_

_Let my love open the door_

_When tragedy befalls you_

_Don't let it drag you down_

_Love can cure your problems_

_You're so lucky I'm around_

_Let my love open the door_

_Let my love open the door_

_Let my love open the door_

_To your heart_

* * *

River and Melody were both in a happy daze by the end. Ten and Eleven put big packages in front of the women. Eleven's zapped in by Sexy.

"Open your eyes beautiful." Six whispered.

Melody looked at the silver and white wrapping with white silk bow.

"Open it." Ten said with a laugh.

* * *

River was staring at a huge bouquet.

"I know you studied Hanakotba." Eleven said.

"Language of the flowers." River said.

"Read your bouquet." Eleven said.

* * *

Ten grabbed the bear that Sigma had brought over for them. Six put it next to Melody.

"We meant every word of the song and every feeling of those flowers." Six whispered as Melody read the bouquet.

Six and Ten quietly left.

* * *

Eleven kissed River's cheek and left the room. River read each flower. The reader was supposed to read each flower and get an overall feeling. She read right to left.

Amaryllis-Determination and radiant beauty

Aster-Love and patience

White tulip-forgiveness

Red tulip-perfect love

Purple rose-Enchantment and love at first sight

Protea-Courage

Lisianthus- Appreciation

Iris-faith, valor and wisdom

Hyacinth- Consistency

River and Melody were beyond overwhelmed. Both were laughing and crying at the same. There was a scroll hiding in amongst the flowers. It was tan cloth with a gold border. The golden writing was Gallafrian.

Meet me on the balcony. You know which one.

Melody grabbed the bear and squeezed it tight.

"River can you hear me?" Melody asked softly.

River wasn't quite sure how to answer her. So she closed her eyes and went into herself.  
Melody jumped up and ran to her when River ghosted in. River hugged her tightly.

"What was the homework The Doctor gave you?"

"I haven't read anything yet but the title is "How to be a Timelord 101."

River laughed.

"Everything is going to be better now?" Melody asked.

River knelt down to be on her level.

"Nothing is certain. You know that. I believe that the Doctor is going to love us with everything he has. What are you going to name the bear?"

"Don't know. Do you have a suggestion?"

River took the bear with silky white fur and THE bow tie. She hugged it tightly.

"How about Snowball?"

"I like that. Snowball it is. River did you know any of him could sing?"

"No that was a pleasant shock. That voice would be great on Broadway."

"You better get going. The Doctor is waiting for you."

River and Melody hugged and River went back out. She smiled, cleared her eyes and started for the balcony.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Gentle Reader,
> 
> The performance of "Let my love open the door." was based on a fabulous Pete Townshend acoustic performance of the song from Jools Holland. Look up the video on You Tube. Just add Recorder and transverse cello.
> 
> Yes the Sixth Doctor sang in "Doctor Who and the Pirates". The song was "Gallafrian Bucaneer" That is also a video on You Tube. Look it up. It is cute and Colin has a great set of pipes on him.
> 
> The Eighth Doctor was the musical genius out of all the incarnations. He could play the flute, harpsichord, wobble board, piano, harp, banjo, theremin and transverse cello.
> 
> The Second Doctor always has his recorder.
> 
> River and the Sixth Doctor met in The Eternity Clock.


	33. All Is Well Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyes wrote this chapter to "Under Your Wings I'll Hide" by Immanu El.

 

 

The Doctor stood, leaning on the banister of the large balcony over looking an ocean of books, a small smile of joy and disbelief on his face. He'd done it. He'd actually done it.

This was his first moment alone since he finally knew for sure that his River was safe and alive and whole once more. So whilst he awaited her, the peaceful silence all around allowed him to think of the magnitude of what they all had done. He just couldn't believe they'd done it.

Of course he'd hoped and prayed and done everything physically possible,as well as things not physically possible, to ensure that the plan succeeded. Still there had always been that paralyzing sliver of doubt. That deep, dark abyss of failure. He refused to even think of what he'd be like right now if everything hadn't turned out well. There was no point, he wouldn't actually be here to experience it. He had meant what he said to Amy and Rory. He just couldn't carry on without his River.

But thanks to his friends and also, his family, he'd managed to do it. He saved his beautiful River. He helped the Vashta Nerada meaning the Library could be reopened once again. Finally, gave a young girl the chance to live the life she previously had no chance too.

Some days, some beautiful, rare, impossible days; everybody lives.

At this thought, the Doctor felt something swell inside his chest. It grew bigger with every beat of his hearts until he couldn't resist it anymore. Laughter bubbled out of his mouth, growing in volume. Soon he was laughing, hearts soaring with joy, tears gathering in his eyes until he just had to move!

So move he did.

He jumped into the air. His fist pumping high as he whooped in sheer happiness. He span in a circle on the spot. The Doctor's hands threaded in his hair as he thought of the sheer enormity of what they had all achieved. He managed to stay still like that for all of two pure, unfiltered joy grew too much again and he jumped once more. His long legs coming up and clicking his heels together, all the while laughing or whooping. Humany wumany tears sneaking their way down his face.

He span and, embarrassingly enough, skipped around the balcony. Sheer joy flowing from every pore, a happiness that he couldn't remember feeling for so long. The last time that came to mind was when he had his children in his arms for the first time. Normally this thought was enough to cripple him momentarily, prompting him to either find a stupidly manic and dangerous adventure, or to lock himself away.

Now however, while it still hurt him deep in his hearts, it was finally accompanied by some hope. Though he could never dream of replacing the children he'd lost, he now had the chance to maybe have more. He lied when he told Donna that part of him was dead. It wasn't at all, just dormant, and he knew it could be re-awoken.

Anything was possible now.

He was still moving around the room like an idiot when, unbeknownst to him, the source of his happiness finally arrived. River was standing just out of sight so she could carry on watching her beautiful idiot.

He just looked happy. That was the simplest way to explain it. He just seemed to radiate joy so strong he practically glowed. She was privileged enough to say that she was probably one of the very few people in the universe to see and know all of the Doctor, but even she had never seen him this happy. This was a whole other level.

Still so emotional after what she had experienced and the beautiful gifts she'd been given, it was all to easy for a few tears to escape and slide down her face.

The desire to be near him, to touch him and kiss him, soon became too strong and she decided to make her presence known.

"You look like a giraffe on rollerblades"

River would have given her left arm to have been able to capture the exact moment he realized she was watching him. It was bloody priceless.

He span around so quick, smoke should have come from his feet. His flailing arms came down to his sides and then up to his bow tie to adjust it, then just generally fidgeting in front of his chest, his hands wringing together. It was his face that topped it all though. He was blushing scarlet with wide eyes, mouth opening and closing like a fish, words obviously having escaped him briefly. That in itself was a once in a blue moon assurance all on it's own.

"Rrriver!"

And he'd found them again. Oh well, time for some fun.

"Doctoooor...what exactly are you doing?"

"Err, well, you see, there was a...a fly! Yes! A really buzzy, annoying fly that wouldn't leave me alone! So I was trying to bat it away you see. Yes, that is most definitely, 100% what happened"

"Oooh, I see." she said, nodding understandingly, laughing internally at his relieved face. He thought he'd got away with it. Bless. "So, why was you smiling then? And going 'yes!' all the time, hmm?"

"Oh, well, it was really a bit fun actually you know. And I, err, said yes whenever I batted it away!"

"I thought you said it was annoying?"

"...yes, well, erm...oh shut up you. After I've just done all those lovely things for you, you tease me like this. Well, thank you very much. Hmph"

With that, River just could not hold in her laughter any longer. Honestly, he really asked for it. He was just far too much fun to wind up.

Her laughter trailed off into a sweet smile when she realized she could wind him up whenever she wanted now. See him whenever. She could hold him and talk to him and travel the stars with him. There was nothing that could stand in their way anymore. He was finally hers. Just as she was his.

He must have noticed the change in her, as he dropped his fake pouting and smiled, arms coming up and beaconing her to him. She stepped into his welcoming embrace happily, tucking her head underneath his chin and nuzzling into his neck. God, he just smelt beautiful. Like the fresh grass of a thousand far off planets. Old books from a million libraries. Even the universe itself. Pressing a kiss to his neck she felt the faint duel beat of his hearts, so blessedly there and alive.

They were both alive. And it was just amazing.

Pulling back slightly, she looked up into his beautiful eyes. Eyes that contained the whole universe in them. Eyes that were telling her he loved her more than anything.

She felt the Doctors hand move from her waist to gently stroke her face, running his thumb along her cheek before pulling her gently into a kiss.

It was soft and slow, barely moving their lips, as though they had all the time in the world to just stay like this, lips pressed together, sharing each others air.

As much as the Doctor wished they could just stay as they were, he still had one last thing to do. Then they would be truly free to leave and begin their new life. One full of untold possibilities.

Gently running his hand through her untamable curls, he broke the kiss but still kept them close, pressing his forehead against hers, arms clutching to each other, as though trying to hold them both so close together they become one person, never to be separated again.

God, he loved her so much he could cry or scream or laugh! Or all three as he'd done before she came. He felt like he could barely contain all of the emotion in him.

"So, what's got you so happy hmm?" River asked, breath warm on his neck.

He pulled back slightly to look straight in her eyes. Eyes more vast and beautiful than the universe.

"Why do you think?" he asked incredulously. "I'm stood here right now with everything I've ever wanted right here in my arms. I saved you River. I was afraid I'd never hold you again. Never see you or talk to you. I thought I'd lost you."

He trailed of looking sad. It was the first time he'd spoken to her about his fear of loosing her, and about this whole situation in general. If she'd ever worried about whether he really loved her, she knew it was now a thing of the past.

Wanting to wipe that sadness from his face, she kissed it all over, making him giggle like a little boy. A little boy with the stars in his eyes.

"Oh Doctor, you sure know how to make a woman feel special don't you." She teased, poking him lightly in the stomach.

He giggled again before sobering slightly, hand stroking her hair and a serious look spreading over his features.

"River, there's something I want to give you."

He reached into his never ending pockets that still reminds her of Mary Poppins' bag and pulled out a little blue book. A very familiar looking blue book.

"This is my version of our, well, my version of us. Just as you did, I wrote everything down. I had to keep so much a secret, we both did, and now we don't have to. So…I'd like you to have it."

He reached out and took hold of her hand, turning it palm up and placing the book in it.

"No more secrets." He said with a smile so bright it illuminated his eyes in a way she hadn't seen for a very long time.

Smiling herself, something blue on the balcony behind him caught her eye. No, it couldn't be…

Grinning wildly in a way that made the Doctor's hearts leap, she dashed behind him to the balcony's ledge, grabbing something before coming back.

In an action mirroring his own before, she took his hand and held it out, placing her own blue diary into it.

"No more secrets." She said, her smile wider and freer than he'd ever seen it. He felt that way as well. They were both finally free.

Each holding the others book in one hand, they linked their free ones, threading their fingers together firmly, gripping tightly in a way that said 'you are mine, I am yours, we will never part again' and made their way to the edge of the balcony.

Stood side by side, hands joined just as their hearts were, both holding each others secrets in the palm of their hands; they both could not be happier. They just felt right now. Complete in a way that neither had ever fully felt before. There was never a time when they both knew exactly the same about each other, felt the exact same way. They were always moving in opposite directions. Two fiery comets destined to pass by each other, but never remain.

But somehow they had done it. They had beaten death, beaten fate or destiny or whatever it was that had decreed they would never be able to be together wholly and without reserve.

River looked out over the Library, over the vast sea of books. This was the place she has come to explore and save. The place where her Doctor had met her for the first time. The place where she thought her heart had been pulled from her chest as she realized he didn't know her. Not even a little. The place she died for said man. And the place she was reborn. Reborn into a life that held so many possibilities it was hard to fully comprehend them. A life with an impossible man, one she thought she would eventually have to give up.

And maybe one day she would have to. It was in neither of their natures to stay out of trouble and nor would it ever be. One day things may go wrong. But it wasn't today. Today they had each other and all they'd ever wanted.

So yes, everyone knows that everyone dies, and no one knows it like the Doctor. But not today. Today, everybody lives.


	34. P.S. from Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is for my beatiful co-author, Eyes.

 

 

Eyes wanted to comment on Pond Life. I am actually dying with excitement and agony over Pond life. I wrote this little poem this morning after I saw it.

 

Tick tock goes the clock, we sit and wait and wonder.

Tick tock goes the clock, is their marriage torn a sunder?

Tick tock goes the clock, we wait for the whole story.

But God forbid, don't say this is, the end of Amy and Rory.

* * *

 

P.S. In the aftermath of the utter emotional, heart destroying evil that was The Angels Take Manhattan. I wrote a little poem that I put on tumblr and now have over 7700 noted! I'm gobsmacked! So I thought I'd put it on here as well. :) Hope you like it. :)

 

So now it's all over, the stories been told.

The Doctor's alone now and the Ponds they grow old.

Through all these adventures, through thick and through thin.

There would come a time when they just couldn't win.

But think of that girl all alone in the cold.

Waiting for a box that's blue, new and old.

For her, all those adventures are still yet to come.

Oh little Amelia, you will have so much fun.

You'll fly through the stars and find a love that's so true.

That not even the universe could find a way to part you.

So do not despair if he's just a bit late.

The Raggedy Man will be so worth the wait.

 

Thank you again, I love you all :) Neeka xxx


	35. Thanks for the Inspiration

 

Hello all, it's Neeka here (The Eye Behind The Lens)

Well, it's been one hell of a year writing this with my wonderful co-writer and I can't thank her enough for asking me to be involved in this with her. I've had so much fun with it, made a wonderful friend and I can't believe the amount of positive feedback we've had on it :) it's amazing to have all our hard work appreciated and enjoyed :)

So I just want to say thank you so, so much. It means the world to me that you've enjoyed our story and the way that we saved River. It was really important to us to do it in a way that was believable and I'm so chuffed that you've all responded to positively.I'm really, really going to miss writing this but I'm pretty sure this wont be the last thing you read from me and Dragonsbain :) fingers crossed anyway :) So yeah, thanks so much. I hope you've enjoyed this story as much as we have.

* * *

Hello all,

This is Dragonsbain

Thank you all. This has been a great year. I have made a great friend. I have learned so much about:

Copyright Law ( Thanks to Eyes for all the help on the British Laws. Enough said there.)

2\. Medical Information ( What truly happens when electricity and flesh mix. Thanks to all the Doctors and Nurses that helped me with this.)

3\. Electricity ( Much thanks to Duke Power.)

4\. Human Psychology( Much research from both Eyes and I on this one.)

5\. Expanding my musical horizons. ( I have so many new bands I listen to because of Eyes.)

Music played a huge part of this story. I went back through all the letters between Eyes and myself. I found this little blurb between the two of us and wanted to share it. It points out basically how we worked off each other.

This is after Eyes introduced me to the Clint Mansell piece "Together We Will Live Forever". This is me to Eyes.

OMG! The Clint Mansell piece. That hurt in such a great way. That piece is the Singing Towers. I closed my eyes and saw the sunrise with River in the Doctor's lap. That is so perfect. Matt and Alex wouldn't have to make a sound. The music would start. The sun would start rising . That wonderful look between the Doctor and River. Then the Doctor breaks. Then have the scene fade out with River just holding him. OMG! There is a picture for you. Wow!

I really want to work with Eyes again. I am so happy to have met all of our reviewers. Many of you are also very talented writers yourselves.

Ok. I'm gushing. I'm going to stop. See you all later.

Love and hugs to all.

Dragonsbain

 


End file.
